AIBU to expect a Mother of older teens to go out and worK?

[doglover17]

One child well into their teens, walks to school. Shared 50/50 care with Father (ex). Lives off child maintenance, spousal, tax credits and child benefits. Has had a few part time jobs in the past but never sticks at them. Now declares they should not have to work. Is it unreasonable to expect them to find more independence through finding employment? If so why? And outside of this scenario, what sort of case would make it unreasonable?

Unless you're paying her out of your own pocket, YABU.

If she can afford not to work without being a burden on the taxpayer then it is completely up to her. It would probably good for her self esteem to work, mind. Perhaps she is setting up a business from home that you don't know about?

So you think it is ok? Fair enough. Can I ask why?

NOYB really, is it.
So long as she and her kids are happy why would you bother to have an opinion on this?
Jealous?

Why do people care so much about what other people do? Are we a bit jealous that someone else doesn't have to work while we do, perhaps?

I think it's fine. Why does it matter to you?

Why not? I don't understand the question really. Surely people decide for themselves how to live their lives (assuming it doesn't impact on others adversely).

Is she claiming Job Seekers/Income Support?

Are you the ex or the ex's new partner?

If she was setting up a business from home, then great. But let's say for arguments sake she isn't. Then what since she is a burden on the system through claiming benefits I guess?

So you think it is ok? Fair enough. Can I ask why?

Because it's her life and not yours.

Don't you have to have a job to get tax credits? I think you said she lived off them also. I'm not sure how benefits work.

I have older teens and they benefit from having me around as much as the younger ones do - to talk to, help with college work, uni applications etc. if she can afford it and is happy I don't see the problem.

I don't work. I'm a mum of teens. I have plenty independence without working and have loads of self esteem.

If they're going to struggle once CM finishes then it would probably be sensible to start looking for a job, but it really isn't anyone else's business (including the ex husband).

No not jealous. I wonder how people view the importance of work, and the drain on others resources I.e. government and other people paying. I guess on here it seems if you can afford not to work, then why not, even if that means other people, tax payers or ex partners wives or husbands pay.

How do you know the ins and outs of her finances and past work history? How do you know she doesn't have a trust fund or something? How do you know she or one of her kids doesn't have a hidden disability that makes working difficult?

I would say it is none of your business really.

Why is it your business if you dont mind me asking?

Ok seems I am being unreasonable with my view. Thanks very much for your input, appreciate it. Over and out :-)

Is this woman the ex of your partner OP?

I'm going to take a stab in the dark and assume this is your husband's exwife?

Xpost!

I assume you're the ex's new partner.

I'm a foster carer so no, it is impossible for me to go out a f work (I work flexibly and from home sometimes)

Teenagers need more supervision a lot of the time - I know people who have given up work when their child reaches secondary due to them needing more supervision.

A 15 year old can get into a fuck of a lot more trouble than a compliant 10 year old.

And a hat-trick!