AIBU to expect a Mother of older teens to go out and worK?

[doglover17]

One child well into their teens, walks to school. Shared 50/50 care with Father (ex). Lives off child maintenance, spousal, tax credits and child benefits. Has had a few part time jobs in the past but never sticks at them. Now declares they should not have to work. Is it unreasonable to expect them to find more independence through finding employment? If so why? And outside of this scenario, what sort of case would make it unreasonable?

YANBU - it's a sad situation and I would feel very frustrated if I were you. I guess the only good thing is that it is a temporary situation that will resolve itself once the child is a bit older.

victrixludorem - "ExH's new wife, the OP, wants to cut that down so he can go on more expensive holidays with her."

where did I say this?!!!!!! Blatantly NOT so!

sigh

sorry, doglover - you never said that and I should have checked - must have been another thread.

Thank you victrixludorem that means a lot to me and not least, is very decent of you.

I am afraid I don't understand benefits - don't you only get CTCs if you are working? Don't you only get JSA if you are looking for work? Doesn't child benefit stop at about 14? I agree that if this woman is claiming benefits and could work, then she should do so. If however she is independently wealthy (whether or not through agreed maintenance) then it is completely up to her what she does with her life. It seems a bit like 2 women fighting over one man's earnings which is unedifying.

bomber it should be temporary as ex won't have any leverage anymore, though she expects supporting for life!

Oops, now I feel bad. Sorry again doglover I will stop posting! I am actually sympathetic with both wives. I would feel frustrated working hard to effectively pay someone not working BUT your DH did once marry this other woman and promise her a life long commitment and father children with her, and then agree to pay her this maintenance, and I presume you knew all that when you married him. A tough one.

I am afraid I don't understand benefits - don't you only get CTCs if you are working? Don't you only get JSA if you are looking for work? Doesn't child benefit stop at about 14? I agree that if this woman is claiming benefits and could work, then she should do so. If however she is independently wealthy (whether or not through agreed maintenance) then it is completely up to her what she does with her life. It seems a bit like 2 women fighting over one man's earnings which is unedifying.

You can still get CTC whether you are working or not. She can claim CB for each child until they leave full time education.

She is not independently wealthy as she is relying on benefits and spousal maintenance. If the husband was to stop paying spousal maintenance she would need to work.

As I have said before, if she is using the maintenance as blackmail, I would call her bluff and take her to court.

and then agree to pay her this maintenance, and I presume you knew all that when you married him. A tough one.

Child maintenance, yes, spousal maintenance, no.

The OPs circumstances have changed and he is no longer earning the money he did, therefore the maintenance has to change also.

Sorry, haven't the time to RTWT but YANBU if she expects others, you or society at large, to fund that decision. You would be unreasonable if she had private means of supporting herself and wasn't asking anyone for financial support eg beneficiary of a trust etc. You would also be unreasonable if you thought that her getting a job, well paid or not, meant that the children's father was now absolved of any financial responsibility for the children. Their need for some form of financial support will probably extend far past the maximum legal age of child support.

I've always wondered why, if you can't be arsed to read anyone else's opinion or even OPs updates, you would think your opinion is so worthy of being read.

smelsa