AIBU to expect a Mother of older teens to go out and worK?

[doglover17]

One child well into their teens, walks to school. Shared 50/50 care with Father (ex). Lives off child maintenance, spousal, tax credits and child benefits. Has had a few part time jobs in the past but never sticks at them. Now declares they should not have to work. Is it unreasonable to expect them to find more independence through finding employment? If so why? And outside of this scenario, what sort of case would make it unreasonable?

Did you quiz her on her reasons for not working? How do you know so much about her financial situation? Maybe she suffers from depression or some form of debilitating illness preventing her from working.

Is it any of your business, really?

If she is a burden on the system I would probably think she should work. Still, I don't think there's anything inherently superior about working for money. Some jobs don't do anything to improve the world, and are not morally better than reading a book and working in your allotment.

And you are angry that 'your' money is going to support her 'sitting on her arse'? Close?

Some of the teenagers in my area would definitely benefit from having someone at home after school and at weekends.

You haven't explained how she gets tax credits without having a job.

Well surely if she doesn't need to work then that's a good thing, it means someone desperate for a job has one less person to compete with.

If you have a problem with your DP paying spousal support then you should have thought about that before you chose to get with him.
I am sure if you were her you wouldn't find it a problem would you

Cleaaaaarly jealous. It burns it burns.

How very true LaurieFairyCake lol

well it's not really any of the ex partner's wives business, is it? Any man who walks out on one family and starts family no.2 with someone else, should rememeber that family no.1 are top priority. In other words, don't have more offspring with new partner if you're going to struggle to support family no. 1 and the new offspring.

who cares what other people choose to do and who knows what their life is really like.
teens need a parent at home as much as toddlers do IMO

I wonder how people view the importance of work

Why is so much importance placed on PAID work, which is obviously what you're talking about?

I know several SAHMs to older children who don't work, as they don't need to work due to their partner's income (so no money out of your pocket is paying their way), and most of them do plenty of volunteer work.

Just because someone isn't in paid work, it doesn't mean they not doing anything.

Can I suggest that, if it bothers you that she can get by without working, you vote Tory (or UKIP) in the next election in the hope that they'll utterly stamp out her tax credits. She'd doing nothing wrong (even if it offends your own sensibilities). If you don't like that, you want to try to ensure that the government will change the system to prevent people from not working. There still won't be anything you can do about her ex having to pay though (his partner doesn't have to pay, as it will be assessed on his income).

bifauxen child tax credits come whether you work or not

dog lover, I assume you're talking about your partners ex wife or girlfriend?

• they are

Proofread Tess!

Wow you guys are more het up about this than me!!!! I'm have asked for honest opinions and I am grateful for them, so thank you. That is all ;-)

Well if her child is 'well into' his/her teens, then presumably the child maintenance is going to come to an end fairly soon anyway, and she'll have to reconsider her finances.

I can see that it's frustrating if it's your partner who is the ex. But if he's paying a 'fair' contribution to his child's upkeep, then how his ex chooses to live her life isn't your business.

Is she receiving spousal maintenance only because she doesn't work? I personally think beyond an adjustment period, spousal maintenance is wrong as it absolves one party from being responsible for themselves.

I think that unless you can afford to pay your own way without out of work benefits, you should be working. I think this regardless of a child's age but especially for teenage children! I do understand that there is an argument for staying home with young DC and that IS allows you til the youngest is 7 so I may be a little black and white in my stance.

I wouldn't want to live off others. My choices, my responsibility.

I didn't know you could get tax credits without working!

I think the OP wants us to shut up now

Wow you guys are more het up about this than me

Yeah, that's why we started a thread to whinge about it... Oh wait...

I'm with you she should go out to work.

What will she do when maintence, child benefit and other related benefits stop. She would be better getting herself established somewhere in prepartion of things changing now.

Didn't know that, nigellasdealer. Been a while since I had anything to do with benefits.
Agree with others that it's her life and none of the ops business.

YANBU. Living off spousal maintenance, paid by a man with whom she is no longer in a relationship with, when her child is of an age to be out of the house the vast majority of working hours, seems immoral to me. She is, in effect, getting someone else to pay for her against their will, because she once gave birth.

What on earth does she do all day? Also, if she has trouble sticking to things, the discipline of working might help her, and set a better example to her child. I see the poor example set by my DH's non-working father, he has some strange attitudes towards work and the workplace which have hampered his career progression, and they stem directly from the sort of privileged nonsense his father comes out with.

Not getting into any argument but op saidtax credits she didn't specify working or child so of course you can get childtaxcredits without working !