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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think party mum should have checked before giving out inappropriate prizes

607 replies

SoonToBeSix · 29/06/2014 01:17

Genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable. I was at a birthday party today with three year old ds and he won musical bumps. He was swiftly handed a packet of haribo . I tried to encourage him to " save" them for later ie I would put them in by bag and through them away but he was so upset I let him have them.
I do not give my dc sweets ever with the exception of a small amount of chocolate at Easter from well meaning relatives. Most eggs get given away.
I really feel she should have checked first before handing them out.

OP posts:
RedSpringer · 29/06/2014 01:49

You're not being unreasonable to choose not to give your 3yo sweets but you are being unreasonable to think it is an inappropriate prize at a birthday party.
I don't give my 2yo anything other than milk or water to drink but I fully expect her to be offered squash/diluting/cordial at a party or a friend's house...because I realise it's quite usual not to be giving her black currant etc.

Coughle · 29/06/2014 01:50

Soon I just want to know where you got the energy to take your 3 year old to a birthday party when you have 4 month old twins! You sound like an amazing mum, despite your weird overreaction to sweets at a party Grin

slithytove · 29/06/2014 01:55

I know I don't think they were veggie though. It's certainly something I never thought about until buying specifically with a veggie in mind.

Of course, maybe party mum took that into consideration, it's possible. I did say she wasn't being unreasonable so not sure why I'm being jumped on just for expressing a different opinion.

After all, me not wanting to give my family sweets doesn't hurt anyone else. Also, I haven't banned anything, and nor will I. But while I make the food choices, haribo won't be included.

And yes, I believe a decent chocolate with cocoa and milk and cream is better than jelly sweets with chemicals and preservatives. I grew up with this due to ADHD in the family and sweets exacerbating it terribly. Personal opinion and needn't offend anyone else since it affects no one else.

I also believe that kids do need to attend parties and play games. I just don't see the requirement for foods (especially those with no nutritional value) to be used as rewards/prizes.

GreeboOgg · 29/06/2014 01:57

It's disgraceful, OP, and a slippery slope. They start off with a few Haribo, and before you know where you are they're partying with balloon animals and crack pipes. Angry

Original poster
SoonToBeSix · 29/06/2014 01:59

Coughle thank you, I am just on auto pilot I think. It actually easier to be out of the house with twins as everyone wants a cuddle.
I guess I am being unreasonable but I really haven't experienced pre schoolers being given sweets before. Cakes yes but not sweets. I know raisins have sugar but at least it's natural sugar not chemicals and my dc don't have raisins every day.
I am not a controlling mum I am usually quite laid back I just feel really strongly about nutrition. I also don't understand why a young child would drink anything other that water or milk but that's another thread!

OP posts:
clary · 29/06/2014 02:02

Oh didn't realise you meant decent chocolate with cream etc. Is that like naice ham?

I thought you were talking about Dairy Milk with the sugar and fat etc it contains Hmm. Or Smarties - main ingredient - sugar (65%); other ingredients including titanium dioxide, polyglycerol polyricinoleate...

I think it's important to police what your young children eat and I did it too. I also think that once they start going to parties and generally going out in the world a bit more it becomes incredibly hard. I banned aspartame many years ago (it makes me feel very ill) but I realise that my children will ingest sugar-free juices and chew gum at others' houses.

slithytove · 29/06/2014 02:06

Ha not been here long enough for naice ham I'm afraid!

Not posh chocolate, just like plain milk chocolate as opposed to dairy milks marvellous creations which is bloody lovely without caramel or other bits etc.

Smarties was perhaps a bad example, but I really can't think of anything worse than haribo. Something like starburst would even be better.

I know it's not perfect, but there are far less preservatives and additives in chocolate than sweets, and for children prone to ADD and ADHD, it does help, or did in my family, so that is my norm. Also, I don't have an issue with sugar.

softlysoftly · 29/06/2014 02:06

Fuck Haribo I'm trying to figure out how you fit having another child in between a jist turned 3yo and 4mo twins!

You must be nuts Grin

trufflehunterthebadger · 29/06/2014 02:08

Smarties etc would have been better IMO. As pp said, sweets are nothing but crap

As compared with the many, health promoting, nutritional benefits of Smarties ?

D0oinMeCleanin · 29/06/2014 02:11

Dd2 once sold Dnephew1 a packet of Haribo for £50 (of my wages) at one my halloween parties. That's inappropriate. Took me days to find that £50.

OTOH DNiece2 learned her first word at my next Halloween party. It was "cake" [proud Aunty]

YABU a but hysterical.

They do veggie Haribo. Dd2 has been veggie on and off for the last 2 years

trufflehunterthebadger · 29/06/2014 02:11

My mum confiscated sweets, wouldn't allow mcdonalds, easter eggs and a whole host of other nutritionally worthless food.

I rebelled by eating as much shite as i could get my hands on as soon as i was choosing my own diet (university) and still have a very unhappy relationship with food.

You're storing up problems for your DCs, OP, although I suspect you won't be told

slithytove · 29/06/2014 02:13

Yep truffle, NHS recommended and everything!

Grin see my last post, I admitted it was a crap example

Still think most chocolate is better than haribo though.

trufflehunterthebadger · 29/06/2014 02:16

Pmsl laughing at the concept of smarties being a "decent" chocolate full of cocoa, milk and cream.

And they're nestle.....

slithytove · 29/06/2014 02:18

ok, smarties are terrible

But at least they don't have artificial colours, flavours or preservatives in them

slithytove · 29/06/2014 02:19

Truffle not sure why you are on the attack, but that actually wasn't what I said. You have taken 2 separate statements I made and combined them.

SquigglySquid · 29/06/2014 02:31

Shock No candies ever? I'm not sure I can blame you though. I wouldn't want a hyper 3 year old on top of 3 other babies.

But, it seems like sugary treats are a staple at a child's birthday party. Just like wine is a staple at an adult's birthday party. :)

Cerisier · 29/06/2014 02:59

YABU and hysterical. If you don't want him to eat rubbish don't send him to parties.

Give it a few years and it won't be a bit of Haribo you're worrying about. Save your strength for something more important.

In my experience the first teenager is easy, it is the second one you have to watch out for. Be prepared.

differentnameforthis · 29/06/2014 03:20

You do know that raisins are as bad for the teeth as sweets, don't you?

They get stuck in the pits of the teeth & contain sugar.

CheerfulYank · 29/06/2014 03:20

Sugar isn't a chemical though. It isn't GOOD for you, but it's not a chemical.

jonicomelately · 29/06/2014 03:22

It's a social norm for sweets to be available at children's' parties. For the OP to be angry about this is very, very odd.

CustardFromATin · 29/06/2014 04:48

Actually I kind of see your point. We're not averse to the occasional sweet, but birthday parties aren't actually that much of a 'special occasion' round here - it feels like we have one every other weekend, then when you add in Christmas and Easter, visiting relatives and the like I've start to notice that my toddler is eating crap food almost every weekend!

That said, YABU to make a fuss, it is a part of the culture. But it would be nice if more parents made non-food alternatives.

tanukiton · 29/06/2014 04:55

urmm all matter is chemical even natural shit.

TokenGirl1 · 29/06/2014 05:00

My two didn't have sweets before they were three and they didn't know what they were missing. They were given them at their older cousin's birthday and didn't make a fuss when I took them away because they didn't even know what they were.

That said, once they started going to their peers birthday parties I relaxed they rules as I didn't want them to feel different to their friends. My 5yo still isn't that keen on sweets or cake and often politely refuses them at parties.

I think that sweets at a party for 3 years+ is to be expected.

Innermagic · 29/06/2014 05:03

I'm trying to imagine my childhood without sweets........ No sorry I just can't !!!!
Your child won a prize and you were going to throw it away Shock
I come from a happy world the happy world of haribo Smile

TokenGirl1 · 29/06/2014 05:06

My two didn't have sweets before they were three and they didn't know what they were missing. They were given them at their older cousin's birthday and didn't make a fuss when I took them away because they didn't even know what they were.

That said, once they started going to their peers birthday parties I relaxed they rules as I didn't want them to feel different to their friends. My 5yo still isn't that keen on sweets or cake and often politely refuses them at parties.

I think that sweets at a party for 3 years+ is to be expected.

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