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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think party mum should have checked before giving out inappropriate prizes

607 replies

SoonToBeSix · 29/06/2014 01:17

Genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable. I was at a birthday party today with three year old ds and he won musical bumps. He was swiftly handed a packet of haribo . I tried to encourage him to " save" them for later ie I would put them in by bag and through them away but he was so upset I let him have them.
I do not give my dc sweets ever with the exception of a small amount of chocolate at Easter from well meaning relatives. Most eggs get given away.
I really feel she should have checked first before handing them out.

OP posts:
OutsSelf · 04/07/2014 11:59

Yeah, I've been to a ton of 1/2/3/4 and recently 5yr old parties with no sweets. They haven't all been brown rice and lentils, plenty of cake-ish stuff served with the rest of the food, but sweets are not the norm for the parties of children that young where we are. One party one time they had chocolates raining out of a pinana.

I don't really buy the 'it's a treat!!!' stuff - I think the idea that I give things which are ultimately cheap and nasty as a 'treat' is really bizarre. I think treating things like this as 'treats' gives them more value than they are worth, to the child.

The vehemence with which PP are insisting that 3 year olds should have sweets, or ridiculing the idea that you'd want to withhold sweets from very young children, reads like defensiveness to me.

OnlyLovers · 04/07/2014 13:12

I don't think people are being defensive. No one is insisting that children be given sweets, and there's very little ridiculing of the idea of withholding sweets.
But the question was 'should she have checked before giving out "inappropriate" sweets' and I think most people are trying to say that a) sweets at a kids party aren't inappropriate and b) no, why should she check before doing something that, at the end of the day, is unremarkably normal.

Delphiniumsblue · 04/07/2014 13:14

OK - we can say that not all 3yr old parties will involve sweets, but you are living in cloud cuckoo land if you are taken by surprise that some will!

My home made cake at 3 yrs had chocolate buttons on it. I had no intention of asking the parents beforehand and I made it for the guests to eat!
I can see some preferring that they were not on the cake but not someone saying it was 'inappropriate'. It came out of a book on party cakes.

We all know now that some people don't like it as prizes, which is fair enough, but it is a step too far to call it inappropriate at a party for any age.

Parties= sweets to some people. If you don't want it don't send them to parties.

Delphiniumsblue · 04/07/2014 13:16

Exactly OnlyLovers- there is no way that I check with parent first. If there are allergies I expect them to tell me. I take issue with the fact that it is 'inappropriate'. I can think of many inappropriate things for 3 yr olds and a small packet of sweets is not one of them!!

FergusSingsTheBlues · 04/07/2014 13:18

Oh, chill out ffs...getting upset over that is crazy!

bumbleymummy · 04/07/2014 14:53

I agree with you about the defensiveness Outsself.

Not sure why we are supposed to accept sweets for 3 yos as the norm rather than the other way around.

IdkickJilliansAss · 04/07/2014 15:08

If you don't want them to have them just say no and deal with the tantrum, that's life.

OnlyLovers · 04/07/2014 15:53

It is possible for a parent who doesn't want their child to have sweets to just not give their child sweets, without condemning or judging another parent who wants to give out sweets at a party.

Delphiniumsblue · 04/07/2014 16:32

You accept it as the norm because it is the norm!
You are much better to accept it, and be ready to deal with it, than get a surprise when it happens.

(And it is the norm at any party- not just those of us who feed children coke in bottles!Hmm)

Delphiniumsblue · 04/07/2014 16:36

I think this all comes from parents who don't want to deal with a tantrum. It is simple- remove the sweets. If your child doesn't know what they are they will easily, and happily, be distracted. Even as an adult I really don't think I would mind someone taking something from me if I had never had one before and didn't know what it was! Why would it bother me? Confused

bumbleymummy · 04/07/2014 16:42

It's certainly not the norm for 3 yos to be given haribo in my circle of friends.

OnlyLovers · 04/07/2014 16:47

Oh ferchrissakes.

If your child is presented with sweets and you don't want them to have them, take them off them.

Simple.

No need for snobbishness, comments about propel who give babies Coke in bottles, whose social circles are holier than whose.

bumbleymummy · 04/07/2014 16:52

Nothing holy about it. Just pointing out that it's not the 'norm' for everyone.

Delphiniumsblue · 04/07/2014 16:53

I should stick to your circle then!
Just for the record I live in a very rural, middle class area with a wide circle of friends- none of us gave 'coke in a bottle' - and small packets of sweets were the norm at parties.
I can't see the problem. Take them away! Why would they be remotely bothered if they have never had one?

Delphiniumsblue · 04/07/2014 16:54

It us the norm for most people- especially if they have older children. If you have a 3 yr old with an 11 yr old sibling they will know what sweets are.

bumbleymummy · 04/07/2014 16:58

Why are you being so defensive about it? Some people don't think it's appropriate to give young children sweets. Are you worried that makes them better parents or something?

bumbleymummy · 04/07/2014 16:58

Just because they know what something is doesn't mean they're allowed to have it.

Delphiniumsblue · 04/07/2014 16:59

Pot calling the kettle..........

Delphiniumsblue · 04/07/2014 16:59

So don't let them have it-then there is no problem!

bumbleymummy · 04/07/2014 17:04

I don't and I don't see anything wrong or weird about that. Nor do I think my children will grow up with eating disorders as a result. Hmm

Delphiniumsblue · 04/07/2014 17:08

Of course there isn't - no doubt they will grow up fine. I am only objecting to calling a small packet of sweets 'inappropriate' at a 3 yr old party when it is actually the norm at the majority of parties- and with people who enjoy a healthy balanced diet and have the advantage of knowing that their method worked long term.

bumbleymummy · 04/07/2014 17:11

Perhaps the 'majority' in your group of friends. It isn't in mine. We bloody hate the things and the fact that they crop up everywhere!

Some people on this thread have suggested that not allowing young children it eat sweets will result in food issues later on. Glad you disagree.

Delphiniumsblue · 04/07/2014 17:17

Agreement then- 'they crop up everywhere' ! The norm.
Wait until they start school and children give them out on their birthday to the whole class! There are whole threads on that- regularly!

OnlyLovers · 04/07/2014 17:20

The main issue seems to be that the OP's child was so upset she let him have the sweets. Rather than letting him have them and then complaining about it on here, she could have just not let him have them.

The word 'inappropriate' is probably the most unreasonable part of her point, IMO; I honestly thought at first that she was going to say they were giving out things that were too adult for the age group there, or culturally offensive in some way.

I don't have kids, by the way, and don't really know how I'd approach sweets if I did; so I'm certainly not being defensive. I just think the OP's response to sweets at a kids' party is somewhat disproportionate.

bumbleymummy · 04/07/2014 17:26

The bags of haribo sweets crop up everywhere that does not mean they are the 'norm' for 3yos. The OP already said she isn't banning sweets for life - she just thinks 3 is too young.

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