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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think party mum should have checked before giving out inappropriate prizes

607 replies

SoonToBeSix · 29/06/2014 01:17

Genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable. I was at a birthday party today with three year old ds and he won musical bumps. He was swiftly handed a packet of haribo . I tried to encourage him to " save" them for later ie I would put them in by bag and through them away but he was so upset I let him have them.
I do not give my dc sweets ever with the exception of a small amount of chocolate at Easter from well meaning relatives. Most eggs get given away.
I really feel she should have checked first before handing them out.

OP posts:
Pilgit · 30/06/2014 21:57

By turning some foods into treats you are making them special. You are making them desirable. Trust your children without giving them your hang ups and you will be surprised at what they choose. Yes, mine love chocolate but with no embargo we are still eating Easter eggs. I am not perfect and I am sure I am passing on hang ups about all sorts of things but I am determined I will not pass on my destructive relationship with food to them.

BomberManIsAGirl · 30/06/2014 22:04

Tis' true. The OP didn't ask anyone about whether she should give her DC sweets. She simply asked if she was unreasonable to think the host should have asked her before giving her kids sweets. MN said YABU and the OP was fairly quick to concede that she was being unreasonable.

The debate about the rights and wrongs of sweets giving wasn't the OPs doing.

slithytove · 30/06/2014 22:16

By only giving sweets at a party though, they are being turned into treats.

So OP can't win either way.

sconequeen · 30/06/2014 22:36

Well, my DD is now 7 and has never been given sweets as a prize at a birthday party. We don't move in rarified circles, and we do not have control issues over food. As a vegetarian and someone who doesn't want to put any more nasties into my kids than possible, I regard Haribos as the work of the devil (OK, not literally but you get my drift). Any which come our way (eg in party bags) are binned as soon as possible. DD will occasionally have the odd one before I manage to get rid of them and, yes, I agree with OP that they are not appropriate. It is quite possible to give prizes and party bags without this rubbish in them. I don't have a problem with sweet thing at parties, but there's a difference between a small chocolate lollipop with reasonably natural ingredients and this kind of thing. And don't get me started about them being given out at school as a reward...

bumbleymummy · 30/06/2014 23:33

Delphinium - not sure why you think the alcohol comment is silly. I'm simply pointing out that 3 yo isn't a magic age so just because children haven't eaten/drank certain things by that age does not mean they will have eating disorders/binge drink when they're older. People seem to think that "no sweets at 3 yo" = " sweets completely banned until they are 18!" Which is not the case at all.

Hakluyt · 30/06/2014 23:49

I can understand why vegetarians won't eat them, but for non vegetarians, what is so specifically bad about Haribo?

sconequeen · 01/07/2014 00:19

Well, apart from the gelatine, they're full of different kinds of sugar and some varieties also have artificial colours and flavours. And just so, well, unnecessary as they encourage mindless sugar binges, not to mention getting the kids sugared up and then having sugar crashes. It's not just Haribo but they are so ubiquitous, and I feel that if children get into the habit of eating this kind of thing when they are little, you are setting up a pattern of eating sugar, empty calories and highly-processed rubbish for life. Why would anyone want to do that?

Teadrinkerandatinker · 01/07/2014 02:11

sconequeen go back under your rock and eat some kale chips Grin

MistressDeeCee · 01/07/2014 03:15

Im not surprised DC got upset at seeing a pack of Haribos, probably knew mummy would whizz them away in a nanosecond. Its a party.

The parent provided treats for the children - maybe not the perfect treat you required, but something she thought appropriate. Accept with grace and stop the 'Party Police' thing.

You don't give your DCs sweets...just a small amount at Easter? OK. Good luck with that then.

When he hits secondary school he'll eat so much sweets and chocolate his teeth will probably rot before your very eyes

There is such a thing as 'moderation' but I can't be bothered to explain as Im wondering if this thread is a joke, really

MothershipG · 01/07/2014 06:57

I have rotten teeth so I've always been a bit twitchy around haribo, other chewey sweets and lollipops because I didn't want DC to have a mouthful of fillings like me. Sad I used to flitch them from party bags and swap them if they were given out for birthdays at school.

Now they are older (in secondary) it has to be their own responsibility, all I can do is remind them about brushing and get them to their check ups at the dentist.

Delphiniumsblue · 01/07/2014 07:27

I think the alcohol comment is silly because it has nothing to do with party sweets for a 3 yr old -and everything is to do with moderation. It is the extremes that cause problems.
OP's DS knew what those sweets were and he didn't want them taken away! The best response would have been to have given him a couple and then 'put them away for later'. She could then get rid of them if she wished- when he had forgotten them.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 01/07/2014 07:33

haven't read full thread but six DC and no sweets ever?!

samsam123 · 01/07/2014 07:56

you don't allow him sweets- nothing wrong in moderation the more you restrict him the more they will rebel when old enough to realise how much he is missing out on.

bumbleymummy · 01/07/2014 08:11

I agree with you scone queen. I don't understand why people would want to give their young children such crap.

Mistress, again, the child is 3. Not allowing a 3 yo sweets doesn't mean you are banning all sweets for their entire childhood. Why are so many people struggling with that?

Delphinium, as I said, it's showing that 3yo isn't a magic window for all types of good and drink. You can wait until they are a bit older to introduce things - it won't cause them to binge.

OddFodd · 01/07/2014 08:17

Really sconequeen? One 15g bag of Haribo has that much power? Hmm

I suspect you're more likely to set children up with a weird relationship with sweets if you invest them with that degree of potency.

These laboured explanations of why they're not good for you are hilarious. I don't think anyone's argued they're packed with nutrients Grin

Only1scoop · 01/07/2014 08:30

Yes you Abu to expect host to check with yourself and every other parent....incase they win the little pass the parcel prize.

You were also unreasonable to allow your dc to have the sweets. You obviously have a strong view about this and should have just not given in. At only 3 and as you say not a connoisseur of these devilish delights. I'm sure you could have discreetly whipped them away without much of a fuss.

utterlyconflicted · 01/07/2014 08:48

No one is arguing that they have any nutritional value whatsoever. Just that the OP is a birthday party scrooge.

bumbleymummy · 01/07/2014 08:52

It gives them a taste for them though - they know what they are and want more. Why does a 3 yo need that?

OnlyLovers · 01/07/2014 08:56

only by the kind of parents that would give their dc coke in a bottle.

Well, you've lost any sympathy you might have got from me with that comment.

What 'kind of parents'? How dare you?

And YABU for being so surprised that there were sweets at a kids' party. Also, if you feel that strongly about it why did you let him have them?

God, I thought you were going to say they were giving out willy chocolates or Little Black Sambo dolls or something.

utterlyconflicted · 01/07/2014 09:01

Meh. Why don't you go off and use your considerable logical talents to go and crochet a yak.

Edenviolet · 01/07/2014 09:03

A little bag of haribo does actually have a lot of 'power' ! Not necessarily a bad thing as an occasional treat but to give some perspective one of the little tiny bags contains 15g sugar which is 5 g too much to treat a hypo in my diabetic 4 y o dd. If she has 10g sugar she will recover to the right level, if she has the whole bag her blood sugar can shoot up to 17/18/19+ so there is a surprising amount in that little bag!

Like I said before though, as an occasional treat its fine and to be honest there's nothing nicer than seeing dc enjoy a treat every so often when the rest if the time they eat sensibly. We don't get that enjoyment from haribo for dd anymore as when she eats them its to save her life.

Nocturne123 · 01/07/2014 09:09

Big meanie

OddFodd · 01/07/2014 09:29

Ah but that isn't true is it bumblymummy? The OP's DS had never had sweets and he kicked off because he really wanted them. I have old bags of Haribo lying around our house left over from parties. I've never banned them but my DS isn't that bothered about sweets. I don't think there's a definite causal link.

LittleBearPad · 01/07/2014 09:33

It gives them a taste for them though - they know what they are and want more. Why does a 3 yo need that?

Anyone else think of a three year melting haribo in a spoon over a flame...

OnlyLovers · 01/07/2014 09:37

Bear, yes. Grin

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