To think party mum should have checked before giving out inappropriate prizes

[SoonToBeSix]

Genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable. I was at a birthday party today with three year old ds and he won musical bumps. He was swiftly handed a packet of haribo . I tried to encourage him to " save" them for later ie I would put them in by bag and through them away but he was so upset I let him have them.
I do not give my dc sweets ever with the exception of a small amount of chocolate at Easter from well meaning relatives. Most eggs get given away.
I really feel she should have checked first before handing them out.

Next time I construct a pass the parcel....

I will personally construct a 'menu list' of each sweetie that may pop out during the 'pass' bit with a full breakdown of ingredients and a consent form to tick prior to the party....

I may also do a party bag disclaimer to include the same....

Or maybe just do a box of raisins and a packet of seeds to plant....

Hmmm of course raisins are full of sugar also....

Need to rethink....

We are Muslim so some food preferences. It's my responsibility to speak to the party organisers in advance about these and I provide alternatives if needed. If where you live it is normal for children never to be given sweets until after three I can totally understand why you wouldnt think to mention it. If you are aware your family might do things differently to some other local mums then perhaps in future You might want to discuss it with them.

only I think fish sticks might be the way forward. Course they might smell a bit...

The trouble here is that you are in a minority. You can have whatever beliefs you like, but there's something a bit odd about being shocked to discover, several children down the line, that Other People Are Different.

I gave out Haribo sweets at my DC's 3 year old party. I think at every single party I've been to for my DC they have been offered sweets. Oh. Apart from 'those parents' who don't let their kids ever eat sweets, the ones whose children are an embarrassment in the playground because they wander around begging for sweets, treats, crisps, anything from anybody who'll give it to them. In a way that the other children don't. Their mother made some sugar free, gluten free "cakes" that nobody ate because they tasted horrible.

I do think it's commendable that you care so much about what the children eat, but just because you have made this arbitrary decision to recant the sweetie ban when the children start school, doesn't mean that YOUR line in the sand is the same as everyone else's. As soon as my children started being invited to other children's houses for parties, I stopped being as controlling with their food. I try to give them treats like Haribo as little as possible and in general don't believe in sweets/treats/puddings, but it's a ticket to misery to spend your entire life wondering why the whole world can't be more like you.

Nobody will tell me what is particularly wrong with Haribo. I know they aren't suitable for vegetarians but apart from that.....

To all the 'forbidden fruit' people suggesting that not allowing your young children to eat sugary crap will result in them rebelling when they're older - do you apply the same logic to alcohol/drugs? At what age should I start adding vodka to my children's juice and hash into their cake so they don't binge on them when they're teenagers/young adults?

Ah, you're the mum that everyone else laughs at not with.

It's a party. Get over yourself!

Ziggy....

Fish stix no no no .... hmmm but think of all the nutrients....

Little fresh smoked salmon pinwheels maybe with a chocolate button in the middle....for fun

I know a family where the mum was super controlling about the food the kids ate, I went out with the son when we were teens and he was unable to say no to sweets / choc / ice-cream / fizzy drinks. If he knew they were in the house he literally could not relax until the entire packet, bottle, tub etc was gone. He would regularly eat till he felt sick. His sister was / is the same.

I long suspected the mum was border line anorexic (very very thin and very weird attitude to food, even when they were teens and ironically both kids were prone to weight gain, she would tell them they were 'allergic' to dairy or bread in order to put them off eating these foods. Neither ever displayed symptoms of allergies. Funnily enough I had a lot of food allergies at the time & was attending a consultant about it).

Anyway..fast forward both these teens grew up and are in their 40's now and both are have been significantly over weight and have battled with their weight their whole lives and imo have a very unhealthy relationship with food and they both have kids now. I visited one of them recently and have to say I was bothered and unsettled by their kids attitude to food. A 10 year old boy who quite literally talked about cake / ice-cream / sweets / chocolate for the entire afternoon I was there. It was VERY odd. For instance we walked though the town they live in (I was passing through) and the ds asked if we could go for coffee and cake. I would have been happy to do this as had been travelling, but he was told no, and given a lecture about asking for this. We did not have coffee or cake. We finally got to their house and I was offered tea and much fuss was made of offering me 2 biscuits (handed to me from the packet) the packet was hidden in the back of a high cupboard and I was only given them once the kids were in another room. Kids told me a lot of overly animated stories about various times they were given sweets /choc / icecream etc. It was all so ODD.

I have a dd (8) and she gets sweets etc on a regular basis and they are just another food item, no great appeal and she is not hugely interested in them.

OP sounds like the type of mother who makes her own shoes.

Only on mumsnet...

Goddammit woman, not a chocolate button! Do you want to kill everyone? No. No. The salmon pinwheels should be studded with an organic, pitted olive grown by your own fair hands over the dedication and toil of many years, from the stone of an olive you consumed on your honeymoon. If you haven't got that, then I wouldn't even bother holding a party, unless you want to poison everyone with your vile sugar-twattery.

Bumbley would you be so kind as to answer the question I directed at you?

I honestly thought this was a spoof - it's a birthday party ffs
they are children - they like sweets
this neurotic food policing will just create eating disorders and obsessive craving

Blinis for the older party guests with a single Beluga 'egg'....

ffs. I thought your child must have been given a flick knife or a subscription to Nuts magazine at the very least.

But nooo, you are getting wound up about a little bag of Haribos! Seriously?

You need to get over yourself. Your poor children.

Bumbley - no one needs to drink or take drugs, they do need to eat, so everyone needs to be taught how to eat healthily, that includes how to keep calorie dense and 'empty' foods to "occasional treats" - by not letting those (quite frankly tasty) foods be part of their diets at all, you aren't teaching when it's appropriate and when it's not to eat them.

Alter -that rainbow cake looks amazing! And relatively simple, I might have a go for next birthday cake...

OMG Haribo

The nerve.

Tbh, every single child I knew when mine were growing who were not allowed sweets went absolutely bonkers on sugary stuff the minute they gained any sort of independence. Better to let them have a certain amount so it doesn't become highly desirable contraband.

Mary, no one needs to eat sweets either. The child is 3. The OP has already said that her older children do have occasional treats - she just thinks 3 is too early to introduce these things. I agree with her. I do not think that not allowing your child to eat jelly sweets is going to set them up for a lifetime of eating disorders.

I do, like others have pointed out, sweets then become contraband, and v v difficult to self regulate. As SuperGlue said, all the ones I know have become sweet fiends and obese. There's nothing wrong with sweets in moderation, either end of the scale is when they become a problem.