To think party mum should have checked before giving out inappropriate prizes

[SoonToBeSix]

Genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable. I was at a birthday party today with three year old ds and he won musical bumps. He was swiftly handed a packet of haribo . I tried to encourage him to " save" them for later ie I would put them in by bag and through them away but he was so upset I let him have them.
I do not give my dc sweets ever with the exception of a small amount of chocolate at Easter from well meaning relatives. Most eggs get given away.
I really feel she should have checked first before handing them out.

OP, do you honestly not think it was up to you to mention it to the party host rather than waiting for her to 'check' with each parent. It seems very silly to just sit there not saying anything

Upset over a packet of sweets?

Really?

That's the things itsonly I didn't think to approach the mother because it didn't cross my mind people actually gave three year olds sweets. I would have expected it at an dee child's party but not three . I genuinely though the vast majority of parents didn't give their dc sweets until peer pressure kicked in.

Older not see!

Ahh older not dee!

Because I would expect sweets at a children's party, life experience has taught me that at children's parties sweets cakes and crap food are often much in evidence.Therefore I do not consider them to be innappropriate, I consider them to be something that many people offer at kids parties. I wouldn't consider a party of rice cakes, raisins and fruit innapropriate either. I would go with the flow and behave like a polite party guest because I appreciate the efforts others make to host a party, and I wouldn't dream of being rude or awkward. If I didn't want my child to have something I told them, I didn't expect other people to do my parenting for me.

My kids didn't eat sweets either, and we are vegetarians. But that doesn;t mean I expected all parties to be a meat free, sweet free zone. I simply made sure my children didn't eat anything I didn't want them to eat, either by warning the host, or by trusting my children to know our rules. At 3 they were both perfectly capable of asking 'is this meat?' if they weren't sure, and both were perfectly capable of and did put sweets away, or give them to me, so they could be rationed or disposed of.

There were certain toys I wasn't keen for my children to have either - but if we were in a toy shop, I told them 'no' and explained why, I didn't expect the shop not to stock toys that were popular with other children. And that's the difference - I don;t assume I am right, I assume I have an opinion and others may have different opinions, therefore I take control of my own beliefs and behave accordingly -I don't expect the rest of the world to accomodate me.

I think if you are going to choose a lifestyle for your children you have to talk to them about why you have chosen it and start trusting them to go along with it, and once they reach a certain age accept that they may want to choose their own way of eating and living.

I think people who go to parties looking for things to criticise are rude and ungrateful. If you don't want your kids to eat something tell the host in advance or deal with it yourself when the problem arises. Just say 'no you can't have that' to your child - that is your responsibility not another mother's.

Pmsl if my kids came away with no sweets from a partythey would be ggutted so would I as I share them on the way home

That's the things itsonly I didn't think to approach the mother because it didn't cross my mind people actually gave three year olds sweets.

Christ, where do you live?! You have never come across a 3 year old having sweets? 3 years yes, not 3 months?

Parallel. Universe.

Gamer I didn't snatch them away , I suggest saving them for later knowing he would forget. He looked upset and really really wanted them as he had won them so I let him have them. He doesn't know about the Easter eggs.

Sweets are a nice thing to have sometimes. I have them, and sometimes my little boy does too.

She probably didn't think to ask, because a mini bag of Haribo is entirely reasonable at a child's party.

At my son's first birthday party, there were cupcakes, gingerbread men, little (white bread!!) finger sandwiches, and biscuits. The children all enjoyed the little treat, and the parents enjoyed the entertainment value it gave their children. At his second and third; more of the same. I even dated to put a little paper bag of pick n mix in the party bags. Not one parent didn't say thank you and mean it, but that's probably because I have nice friends who are entirely reasonable.

Seriously, you have a whole pile of children and it never occurred to you that there would be sweets at a children's party? WTAF?

So when your older children went to parties at 2/3/4 etc they were never given sweets? Really? I don't believe it.

He doesn't know about the Easter eggs? So you didn't give him a present that was meant for him? Or are you just going to eat them yourself? Or perhaps you have them up as decorative objects?

Water he didn't cry he was just really sad. And I am well aware a packet of haribo won't poison him I just really didn't want him to ever have sweets till older. But not at the expense of his emotional well being. He has never asked for sweets so if I had known in advance I would have provided another prize myself.

Dd2 gets give sweets often at parties and things she can't eat all at once like she wants to and we just say we are saving them for later. Sometimes she's ok other times has tantrum of the century.

So actually you didn't have the courage of your own convictions when your son looked upset. So you're blaming the host because it's easier than admitting you broke the rules you set.

If you don't want your children to have sweets then you need to tell them no and not take the easy way out of hiding presents (eggs) or expect other people to mind read that they shouldn't hand out sweets at parties.

Ok. So you didn't know there might be Haribo, but what were you expecting at the birthday tea? And what about the birthday cake?

Spot on littlebear

OP you didn't want to say anything because you were worried you'd look mean or like you were spoiling the fun by not allowing your DS to eat a few sweets at a party. I think you know it is.

well, I guess you'll know for hte others (although surprised you didn't notice with your older children) - sweets are normal for parties after about 2.

As are biscuits with icing in colours you don't find naturally, cakes with shop bought icing, icecream, jelly, sprinkles, and lots of other foods that aren't ideal if eaten everyday, but as children have birthdays only once a year, it's not going to damage them. In fact, teaching them that sweets are for 'special occasions' or 'party food' is probably ideal, not making them the odd child that's not allowed it at all and goes off the rails, but puts them in their appropriate context.

Lebkuchen is one of my favorite foods in the world, and you can now buy it all year round, but I only buy and eat it during advent, because any other time seems all wrong. I'm sure I'd be super fat if I ate tonnes of the gingery yummy stuff each week, but by keeping it to it's appropriate context, it keeps it special and means I keep my lebkuchen consumption levels to "not making my teeth fall out and doubling my arse size" levels.

So actually you didn't have the courage of your own convictions when your son looked upset. So you're blaming the host because it's easier than admitting you broke the rules you set.

Yes, you have hit the nail on the head there LittleBearPad!

I really don't find it odd not to give haribo to little kids but i still can't understand why you think the party host was wrong not to ask you.

Do you still think she was unreasonable now that you have had time to reflect on it and read everyone's replies?

Does this thread make anyone else look back on their childhood with fond nostalgia? I grew up in the 70s and 80s and remember when non-helicopter parenting was the norm...I remember eating rainbow sherbet which came in little paper bags and must have just been sugar, citric acid, food colouring...

Still here, all my own teeth.

When did life become so joyless?

Well now you know that sweets are a normal thing to have at a childrens party, you can let the parents know when you arrive that you don't want them to have sweets and I would suggest giving them so boxes of raisins to give to your kids instead, as raisins are your preference.

Given that you have a few children, some of them older, I am surprised you have not come across a party where there were sweets before. Still now you know, you can prevent it happening again.