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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Effectively asked to leave cafe..AIBU or was he?

402 replies

Hoptoit · 28/06/2014 16:56

Today my husband, 3 yo and 2 yo twins went for lunch in a small local cafe that we go to maybe once a month. It's quite informal and I took the pile of kids toys as an indication that families were welcome. The twins were fractious and hungry, and having a bit of a shout, but we ordered food and waited for them to settle. There were about two other tables of people in there at this time.

After we ordered the owner made a comment along the lines of 'give it a rest now kids' which I took as a joke, then about 5 minutes later, after the children's food had arrived, but before my husbands and mine had he came over and said,'your going to have to stop them making this noise, they are disturbing everyone else lunch. It's just not on.'

So, my husband ate a bit of his lunch then took the twins to sit in the car while I picked at mine. Just after he left a lovely lady on the table next to us came over to say she'd heard what he said and was disgusted and wanted me to know she hadn't complained to him about the noise, and that she planned to say something to him when she left. I'm ashamed to say that I was so embarrassed and stressed that this made me cry.

As I went to pay my £30 bill for the mostly uneaten food, he asked me if everything had been ok?! I said I was mortified by what he'd said. He got all chippy and defensive about it so I didn't say anymore.

It has ruined what should have been a lovely day. Twins aren't easy and I am very conscious if not impacting on other people negatively, but this place gives the impression of being child friendly, and we weren't letting them run wild or anything like that.

So what do you think, was he out of line or should we have left sooner? It was a terrible mortifying experience.

OP posts:
waterducksback · 28/06/2014 20:49

This is why children's rooms were a good idea. Remember them? Nearly all pubs had them and quite as few restaurants as well.

Families with young children could relax and eat their meal in peace, without fear of 'disturbing' other diners.

But, as soon as smoking was banned in enclosed buildings, that's when children started having free reign to sit in any area... very often disturbing those that are out for a relaxing meal/drink.

So, even though banning smoking was a good thing, unfortunately it had the negative effect of making children's rooms a thing of the past.

saintlyjimjams · 28/06/2014 20:51

The lady next to her hadn't complained but others obviously had.

Why "obviously"? It might just have been the person running the cafe getting stressed & imagining customers might complain when they weren't in the slightest bit bothered. The lady next to her hadn't heard anyone complain, otherwise why would she make a comment to the owner/manager/worker/whoever. And who's to say they were right even if they did complain. I've had people scream at my son (not for making any noise he was looking through a car window) & everyone else in the cafe thought they were wrong.

GoneGirlGone · 28/06/2014 20:52

I feel for the owner. Some level of noise is to be expected but 'screaming and shouting' takes you to antisocial territory. I'd be unhappy having to endure that during a lunch out.

waterducksback · 28/06/2014 20:53

If I 'remember correctly...You had to use the children/family room if they were under 12 years of age.

RockandRollsuicide · 28/06/2014 20:53

parakeet

That's why you don't take them to a small room (ie a cafe) where other people are forced to be in close proximity to them and pay for the privilege

Not a small room in the UK anyway, because we do not tolerate small children.

I dare not go to an enclosed space with mine, because my goodness one little tiny whimper and we get dirty looks....whole other story in ITALY, SPAIN, MOROCCO of course, they are very child loving there...

LoveSardines · 28/06/2014 20:54

parakeet maybe it depends on the area, a lot of cafes around here are aimed at the women on mat leave market and if they stopped going it would cause real trouble for those businesses I think.

annielouise · 28/06/2014 20:55

I think also the owner might have been concerned about potential customers walking in, hearing the noise and walking right out again.

RockandRollsuicide · 28/06/2014 20:55

If I 'remember correctly...You had to use the children/family room if they were under 12 years of age

oh the delightful family room where families are shoved, the cosy gorgeous pub, flag stone floors, roaring fire, the wicked family, is walked past all of that and into the un loved, cold, and miserable family room which is shit.

No thanks.

Purplepoodle · 28/06/2014 20:55

Io have 3 under 5, if we visit a cafe then we usually just get coffee in takeaway cups and snacks for the kids incase we have to make a sharp exit.

Must admit I mainly stick to Pizza Hut ect as they are very child friendly.

Cafe owner was an arse but three small ones in a quiet cafe is not nice too.

RockandRollsuicide · 28/06/2014 20:58

a lot of cafes around here are aimed at the women on mat leave market

sadly the op thought it was child friendly because there were toys in there.

maybe he is child friendly but a total wimp because some up tight arse moaned about them.

op should have walked out and not paid.

Sirzy · 28/06/2014 21:00

I have never had any issues with people not being nice when DS has been playing up a bit, maybe thats because I don't accept his behaviour as just being "what children do" and I am willing to take him out if needed.

He is 4 now and has eaten everywhere from KFC to 'fine dining' on a cruise ship. My expectations of his behaviour are the same wherever we are and i am willing to leave if he doesn't behave and he knows that.

Its not easy, but at the same time its not up to anyone else to have to put up with him if he starts disrupting others.

I am also happy to help other parents, as many other people have helped me in the past, by talking to the child/making a joke or just giving a friendly smile.

RockandRollsuicide · 28/06/2014 21:00

Cafe owner was an arse but three small ones in a quiet cafe is not nice too

oh so three children is the problem now.

Thats fine but the cafe needs to make it clear with signs he does not want the baby pounds.

Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon · 28/06/2014 21:10

Screaming and shouting is not acceptable no matter how informal. Allowing that in a cafe where people have paid to eat is obnoxious and shit parenting. Children will scream and shout but there's no excuse for subjecting other people to it unless it's unavoidable. Family friendly means kids welcome, not screaming and shouting with parents ignoring it. You still have to control them and teach them how to behave in public. It's a cafe, not a playground.

waterducksback · 28/06/2014 21:10

Not all the family rooms were shit.

Still better than having everybody look at you daggers, because your child is screaming the place down and they're trying to enjoy a relaxing meal.

ExcuseTypos · 28/06/2014 21:15

I'd love to know if the OP and others who think its ok for their child to shout and scream in a cafe, are the same ones who let their children distupt weddings?
I've been to several where I would have immediately removed my child if they were making a noise during a service but others seem to think its ok. The arrogance baffles me.

waterducksback · 28/06/2014 21:16

When my children were small we didn't go in cafes that often. We accepted it.
Sometimes you just have to accept that not everybody is going to find your screaming, shouting (running around) child as amusing/cute as you do.

EarthWindFire · 28/06/2014 21:17

RockandRollSuicide my DP was brought up in Spain. Just like on this thread, people would NOT have tolerated children screaming. Child noise yes, children screaming no. In fact unlike the British, they also aren't reserved when it comes to complaining.

LoveSardines · 28/06/2014 21:21

But a lot of cafes actively want the business of people (women) with young children and babies. If people stop going that will put a lot of them in real trouble. There are at least 5 on our high street that are always crammed with pushchairs, babies, toddlers, and women consuming coffee and cake.

I think the "just don't go" idea is a bit extreme really, especially given that attracting these people is the whole business model of quite a lot of them. Much better surely to have some where children are barred and then everyone knows where they are.

RockandRollsuicide · 28/06/2014 21:22

It must be a different part to the parts my relis live in.

How long are children allowed to make a noise for? I have myself and seen others literally start to quieten down the noise in public as soon as its made.

for most people thats just not quick enough.

I would love to know where some people live, we travel up north to relis a lot and abroad, and go out in our local area, I am not aware of remembering any horrific torture by screaming children...

justmyview · 28/06/2014 21:22

Children screaming & shouting? Sorry OP but I wouldn't want to sit near you in a restaurant. I wouldn't want to be banished to a family room either. If children can behave, they can sit in the cafe / restaurant. If not, they should be taken out.

I think UK is perfectly child friendly to children that are reasonably well behaved

OP has disappeared since people became less sympathetic.......

RockandRollsuicide · 28/06/2014 21:25

No its not child friendly at all!

Its up tight, miserable and cats bum face.

RockandRollsuicide · 28/06/2014 21:26

In fact I am going to go further, children in our country are miserable and depressed, we as a nation are stressed and horrid.

Its a horrid country to bring children up in.

LoveSardines · 28/06/2014 21:28

So today we went out to a cafe and there was a boy who was about 2 who kept wailing and shouting. I felt sorry for his dad.

I didn't think that they should leave and go and stand outside in the rain which would have meant their drinks and stuff getting cleared away I expect and when their food came out not sure what would have happened with that as there would have been no-one at the table.

No-one else seemed to mind either. There were an awful lot of children there, also pensioners as is often the way with these sorts of places.

EarthWindFire · 28/06/2014 21:28

In fact I am going to go further, children in our country are miserable and depressed, we as a nation are stressed and horrid.

OTT or what!

snapcrunch · 28/06/2014 21:30

YABU.

My DC have been taken to all kinds of places to eat since they were babies.

They have never been allowed to scream, shout or otherwise make an unreasonable noise. If they get overtired/hungry they are taken for a walk around or outside the restaurant.

we take a comic each for them and help them with the stickers and crappy toy till the food arrives.

Its not acceptable as the majority of replies have said to expect shouting etc, even from young DC.

Mine are 4 and 2 btw so I haven't forgotten. . .

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