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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that something's wrong if u can't afford breakfast for your children

260 replies

Blossum123 · 25/06/2014 21:51

A friends neighbour constantly says she can't afford her childrens breakfast - the school have started a breakfast club and the children attend for free . Which is good.
Iv been on benifits but how can you not afford breakfast - it's surely the cheapest and easiest meal ? I know some children won't have breakfast but this isn't the case - she claims she can't afford it - makes u wonder what they get for tea

OP posts:
Original poster
Blossum123 · 25/06/2014 22:53

There are very few people who genuinely have no money, and there are places they can go for help.

In what way am I uninformed, exactly, coldlightofday? I'm sick of people refusing to feed their children and draining everyone else's resources. Schools/teachers there to educate, not provide breakfast that parents could provide, but don't.

Once In a while you can understand situations arise , but on A continuous basis ?!

OP posts:
BIWI · 25/06/2014 22:54

Of course you're making judgements about her. All your faux surprise/concern about not understanding why she can't afford things.

Birdsgottafly · 25/06/2014 22:54

If her and her BF are always shouting at each other, she (or rather the children) may be being financially abused.

If she says it again, your friend can ask her outright, she may be saying that, hoping for a response.

I've gone back to my voluntary job in a Welfare advice centre, we have families in HA houses, now having to top up their rent by up to £25 a week. I don't understand how people, who were the most "vulnerable" or "in need" are now being targeted, or for what purpose.

These are people who live in the cheapest housing available.

It's easy to get into debt, if your HB/CT is calculated wrongly and they demand repayment for a overpayment.

We are seeing more and more people, that are struggling through no fault of their own.

I agree that children can be fed, adequately, it's tough when you have fed your children certain foods then have a drop in income, so everything changes, though.

If you've got an abusive partner, it seems that there is no way out and everything goes pear shaped.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 25/06/2014 22:54

Luggage who, precisely is "refusing to feed their children"?

BIWI · 25/06/2014 22:55

Oh, and please do what CorusKate has suggested, and use speech marks to show when you're quoting people. It's really hard to follow your posts otherwise

Barefootgirl · 25/06/2014 22:57

Could she possibly have addiction issues that you are unaware of? However, regardless of WHY she can't afford to feed her children, yes, it is entirely wrong that someone (for whatever reason) living in this country, cannot afford to give their chikldren breakfast. What on earth is she going to do in the school holidays, when there is no breakfast club and no free school lunch?

Call me a bossy interfering old cow if you like, but I would phone Social Services and share my concerns with them. This is what they are there for.

Original poster
Blossum123 · 25/06/2014 22:59

She is by far the most aggressive between her and her partner . They physically fight and she has been arrested for assaulting a police officer when they were called about the disturbance - her boyfriend isn't much better .
I can't speak to her .i will email the school raise my concerns .hopefully that way the correct services can help her

OP posts:
LuisSuarezTeeth · 25/06/2014 23:00

OP, when you get to the point that you have £2.73 to last you a week - then you can pontificate about breakfast.

Yes. Every. Single. Week. For months.

I do hope that helps.

Original poster
Blossum123 · 25/06/2014 23:01

Could she possibly have addiction issues that you are unaware of? However, regardless of WHY she can't afford to feed her children, yes, it is entirely wrong that someone (for whatever reason) living in this country, cannot afford to give their chikldren breakfast. What on earth is she going to do in the school holidays, when there is no breakfast club and no free school lunch?

Call me a bossy interfering old cow if you like, but I would phone Social Services and share my concerns with them. This is what they are there for.

They like a drink But then u only see a snap shot dont u - so I couldn't say .il ring the school tomorrow -

OP posts:
FloozeyLoozey · 25/06/2014 23:02

Supermarket value/basic range food is so cheap there is absolutely no need for any children to go hungry. You could easily fill them up on cheap bread/pasta (not to mention the many other cheap food stuffs, including cereal). I'm not pretending it will be a nutritious or tasty or varied diet, but there is definitely no need for them to go hungry.

BIWI · 25/06/2014 23:03

Why report them? The children are going to breakfast club at school, so they are getting breakfast.

You have said that they are well dressed, so why report them? You have no idea at all what else is going on.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 25/06/2014 23:03

I give up.

Original poster
Blossum123 · 25/06/2014 23:03

OP, when you get to the point that you have £2.73 to last you a week - then you can pontificate about breakfast.

Yes. Every. Single. Week. For months.

I do hope that helps.

If I was in that situation I would contact a food bank -

OP posts:
scarlettsmummy2 · 25/06/2014 23:05

I work with vulnerable people similar to this lady, who are outwardly aggressive. However, my experience has been that they often have huge insecurity and other issues going on. I had lunch today with a girl who is up in court for a serious assault, but I know her back story and not for one second did I feel threatened. Show some compassion and do approach her, not with food, but just as a friendly neighbour if you are genuinely concerned.

Kleptronic · 25/06/2014 23:05

There are a multitude of possible factors. A parent's own chaotic/abusive upbringing. Alcohol/substance misuse. Mental/physical health issues. Social/educational disadvantage. SEN. An abusive/violent partner. Any or all of the above can do it. There are more reasons I can think of. Many more.

Or maybe just poor, and something big broke, like the washing machine.

Or maybe just poor, like A Girl Called Jack was, only without her education and skills, she can't make meals for a quid per head.

Maybe she's just a bad person though eh, and we can all feel good about how well we'd cope with our kilo of porridge and a splash of milk, and our magic Mumsnet chickens that can feed 4 people for a week, and we can tut on the internet about the n'er do wells, and feel ever so sorry for the children.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 25/06/2014 23:05

You need a referral OP. You don't just go there.

The food bank doesn't change the situation either.

Darkesteyes · 25/06/2014 23:05

Blossum you need to be referred to a food bank.

oh and you are only allowed to use it three times Just so you know

Birdsgottafly · 25/06/2014 23:06

""Schools/teachers there to educate, not provide breakfast that parents could provide, but don't.""

No they're not, schools are now concerned with "the whole child" and work with Family Support/SS. They are under the umbrella of Children and Family Services, as well as education.

They don't provide anything, unless there is an identified need. If she is being funded, there will be a need.

We had a family come in who had a leak, in their house, we were able to sort out Asda vouchers and tap into charity funding, but I have heard of people who don't know were to go for help, they use expensive credit and costs spiral, so they end up in cycles of debt.

The family will still "do without" because of a small crisis.

This woman is doing the sensible thing and accessing the help via the school, that's what it is there for.

BakeOLiteGirl · 25/06/2014 23:07

This could be me. I work and yet still I can stand in the shop with a pissing pound coin wondering how to do breakfast, lunch and dinner for me and two children very regularly. I don't smoke, drink, do drugs have no social life.

But fucking wonderful how people around me are judging me.

scarlettsmummy2 · 25/06/2014 23:08

Maybe she chooses to heat the house and have hot water rather than lots of food. 'Heat or eat' is a choice many have to make.

BIWI · 25/06/2014 23:08

Blossum PLEASE USE SPEECH MARKS TO SHOW THAT YOU ARE QUOTING OTHER POSTERS

Darkesteyes · 25/06/2014 23:09

Anyone with any doubt about the link between poverty and obesity should read Floozeys post at 23.02

LuisSuarezTeeth · 25/06/2014 23:09

OP, you are unable to identify a "can't" from a "won't". Until you can, stop judging. Even then, stop judging. It helps no-one.

HaroldLloyd · 25/06/2014 23:10

Of course some people can't afford to feed their families at the moment, that's why there is an exponential increase in the use of food banks.

I don't get what your point is?

Yes there are people in this country who can't afford enough food.

That's it.

Birdsgottafly · 25/06/2014 23:11

""Maybe she's just a bad person though eh, and we can all feel good about how well we'd cope with our kilo of porridge and a splash of milk, and our magic Mumsnet chickens that can feed 4 people for a week, ""

Can we now add not having to pay for checked luggage because you can fit all you need in your hand luggage.

Their fridges, houses (to contain thousands of books) and bags all work like Dr Who's Tardis.