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Original poster

To not want this DV victim staying with us any longer

466 replies

Mozzereena · 25/06/2014 14:43

Last Sunday DH received a phone call from an acquaintance (not a friend) asking could we give him a bed for a couple of nights til he sorted himself out as he had been battered (again) by his partner and thrown out of her home. He said he was desperate as he has no family anymore since his mum died and he became estranged from his sibling.

DH said that it would be ok with him but he would have to run it by me first. I said ok as it was an emergency and DH felt really sorry for this guy. He has known him for many years as they attend the same cricket club.

I have 3 DC and each have their own bedroom.
DD2 was staying with a friend over the weekend so we went into her room and cleaned it out and made it up for this guy.
The guy arrived at our house Sunday evening while we were having a barbecue. He seemed quite shaken up and upset.
I told him that DD2 was away for the weekend but she would be back Monday and she would have to share a bed with 5yo DS temporarily until she got her room back. DD was fine about this.

The guy has so far stayed with us for 3 nights.

He put his name down for a council house on Monday - 12 month waiting list he was told. He works for an employment agency so DH says he will struggle to get a private rental. Also he has no savings and no transport. He is in a mess.

However, last night he text DH to say that he had some good news and that he would tell him about it when he got back to our house last night.
I went to bed at 10 and DH stayed up and waited for this guy to come back with his 'good news'

DH told me this morning that the guy had met with a private LL who had an upstairs flat but a man was living in it at the moment but as the current tenant was on the dole he would give him his 4weeks notice to leave.
The guy paid a deposit to this heartless LL and asked DH if he could stay with us for 4 more weeks. DH said no but he could stay for one week.
I told DD this morning and she said he can fuck off I want my room back now! Arrrgghh! What are we gunna do? I don't really want to boot him out on to the street!

OP posts:
glasgowstevenagain · 27/06/2014 16:00

Compassion - how nice of you - will you take him in....

annielouise · 27/06/2014 16:01

I got the impression she wanted to use the bathroom for a shower but couldn't as the man was in there, not that she felt threatened by him.

Having any stranger in your home can feel a bit uncomfortable as it disrupts your usual routine - maybe DD2 is used to the house being empty at that time of day and she has the bathroom to herself and feels comfortable wandering about between bedroom and bathroom with just a towel round her or something but now she can't as a stranger in the house. Not that she feels under threat as GlasgowSteve seems to want to hammer home. You are very invested in this this GlasgowSteve?

I feel sorry for this man but at the same time it's not your job to be opening your house to him OP. You did a nice thing letting him stay for a couple of nights but it's not usual for people to put on others so much, especially a month! He needs to make his own plans. If he is particularly vulnerable then point him in the direction of some help but I wouldn't advise getting sucked in too much. He's not family or a close friend. I'd let him stay until Sunday now but that is it. I'd also tell DH not to volunteer something like that again without speaking to you.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/06/2014 16:02

No Glasgow I don't mean she has to,have him, and I said that in my other posts. But labelling him as some kind of pervert, and bed wanking. Where did that come from, dident hear op had said anything about him wanking near her or in her bed. My goodness all the assumptions.

Darkesteyes · 27/06/2014 16:02

No we are not ALL labelling him as a pervert Aero

annielouise · 27/06/2014 16:03

Is he really that vulnerable? He has a job in recruitment, doesn't he? That involves quite a lot of skills surely?

Aeroflotgirl · 27/06/2014 16:04

He could have been doing his hair, going to the toilet, having a shower whatever, not necessarily wanking fgs!

AnyFucker · 27/06/2014 16:04

It's just the bloke on this thread that seems to be getting a bit excited about 20 year olds getting raped and men wanking in her bed.

Hazynomore · 27/06/2014 16:04

Why has it taken until last night for the OP to chat to this guy for long enough to realise he may have learning difficulties? If I was going to have someone in my home I'd want to chat to him to suss him out a bit and get to know him a bit more. Has he been in the house with everyone ignoring him?

Aeroflotgirl · 27/06/2014 16:05

Op gas said he has a low iq and learning difficulties.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/06/2014 16:05

Her dh told her, the man might have told him he had.

spence82 · 27/06/2014 16:06

Not all blokes are thinking like that AF

He's on the wind up I'm sure of it

AnyFucker · 27/06/2014 16:06

I know, spence. Just this one.

annielouise · 27/06/2014 16:06

I think Hazy that he's been going out and staying out so as not to be a nuisance so the OP hasn't really seen much of him. I could be wrong.

Learning difficulties doesn't tie in with the job she said he had.

AnyFucker · 27/06/2014 16:07

I got the impression the husband had been getting him out of the house as much as possible too

glasgowstevenagain · 27/06/2014 16:09

Check my posting history on the thread.

Or even generally!

I made sensible suggestions at first - ways to manage the situation.

Low IQ and LD but works in recruitment.

No chance.....

again...what lies are being told...

glasgowstevenagain · 27/06/2014 16:11

I agree with your last post AF

He may feel he has caused the problem by letting him stay so wants to minimise it.

AnyFucker · 27/06/2014 16:12

Are you troll hunting, glasgow ? Tut tut.

And yep, your posting history on this thread suggests a scaremongerer who applies his own sexual dysfunction to others.

glasgowstevenagain · 27/06/2014 16:14

Not troll hunting.

Examples?

glasgowstevenagain · 27/06/2014 16:15

How to deal with sexually controlling husband

Glasgowstevenagain Thu 26-Jun-14 15:25:14
Male here - totally shocked and upset at this.

Leave him - take half his pension - use your degree, keep the house, enjoy life.

you have 50 years ahead of you - dont live like this

glasgowstevenagain · 27/06/2014 16:15

Ah on this thread!

whatever5 · 27/06/2014 16:31

It sounds as if you have been very kind to him. I think his story about giving a deposit to a landlord so he could move in in four weeks is very suspicious and was/is probably an excuse to stay at your house for at least four weeks. Hopefully as it didn't work he will move out soon though and you will have no more problems.

glasgowstevenagain · 27/06/2014 16:37

^^

unrealhousewife · 27/06/2014 16:44

If this man is vulnerable and a victim of DV I think you need to cut him some slack.

But I think OP your own priorities are very strange that you would insist on him sleeping in your daughter's bed instead of the living room floor/sofa.

This is a very weird thread, especially because the DV is mentioned in the title but then completely ignored by OP. No concern or sympathy, equally no concern or sympathy for your daughter either.

And glasgowsteven's rantings about wanking in a girl's bedroom are just creepy.

shockinglybadteacher · 27/06/2014 16:55

Er right, have you ever had someone stay with you for longer than a night unrealhousewife? The living room is their bedroom if they're sleeping there! That means you can't go in in the morning because X is still asleep, you all have to clear out by 9pm if that's when X is tired, you have to knock on the door to check X isn't naked if you want to go in....that's do-able for a night or so, but not for a week!

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 27/06/2014 16:56

Just to use my super deduction skills here... Grin
"Glasgow - lies are being told
Af - are you troll hunting"
I think glasgow meant the man is lying to the op, not the op is lying to us

I maintain that, in how i have read it, he is a temp, not a rec con.
But just fyi, i managed to work quite well in recruitment with probable aspergers, i just did everything over the phone or email and "pretended" i could be social with people.