To not want this DV victim staying with us any longer

[Mozzereena]

Last Sunday DH received a phone call from an acquaintance (not a friend) asking could we give him a bed for a couple of nights til he sorted himself out as he had been battered (again) by his partner and thrown out of her home. He said he was desperate as he has no family anymore since his mum died and he became estranged from his sibling.

DH said that it would be ok with him but he would have to run it by me first. I said ok as it was an emergency and DH felt really sorry for this guy. He has known him for many years as they attend the same cricket club.

I have 3 DC and each have their own bedroom.
DD2 was staying with a friend over the weekend so we went into her room and cleaned it out and made it up for this guy.
The guy arrived at our house Sunday evening while we were having a barbecue. He seemed quite shaken up and upset.
I told him that DD2 was away for the weekend but she would be back Monday and she would have to share a bed with 5yo DS temporarily until she got her room back. DD was fine about this.

The guy has so far stayed with us for 3 nights.

He put his name down for a council house on Monday - 12 month waiting list he was told. He works for an employment agency so DH says he will struggle to get a private rental. Also he has no savings and no transport. He is in a mess.

However, last night he text DH to say that he had some good news and that he would tell him about it when he got back to our house last night.
I went to bed at 10 and DH stayed up and waited for this guy to come back with his 'good news'

DH told me this morning that the guy had met with a private LL who had an upstairs flat but a man was living in it at the moment but as the current tenant was on the dole he would give him his 4weeks notice to leave.
The guy paid a deposit to this heartless LL and asked DH if he could stay with us for 4 more weeks. DH said no but he could stay for one week.
I told DD this morning and she said he can fuck off I want my room back now! Arrrgghh! What are we gunna do? I don't really want to boot him out on to the street!

Equally I am not the only one who would not have had a stranger in their home with my children.

I must say you are a better person than - you would be happy in this situation - someone you or your children had never met - living with you.

Despite the fact that I have second hand experience and other posters have first hand experience of what can go wrong.

I make no apologies for my previous comments.

Her family is in danger.

Yeah things can go wrong but saying for a fact he is blackmailing the husband, going to rape his daughter, he's wanking in her bed is bollocks.

Her husband taking in a virtual stranger and getting angry when his daughter was upset that it may have been a month - very strange - someone else suggested that first

Going to rape his daughter - possibility and I stand by that.

Wanking in her bed - I would be shocked if this has not happened already.

I forgot that when a man sleeps in a bed that is not his own he has to have a wank.

You must post as some kind of parody account.

I would be surprised if he hadn't had a wank in the bed tbh.

Everything is a possibility and he isn't a friend is he so I think it was foolish to take him in when there are children and young females living in the house.
If I was the DD I would want a new bed and sheets when he left, I would do that for my DD any way.

Things do go horribly wrong and there is no denying that.

However I am sure the OP has put measures into place where the children are not alone with him in the house anymore.

Equally, there are also people who are drawn to dysfunctional people, and who will defend them to the gilt. Look at all those people who write to and marry violent prisoners in jail.

This is an odd thread. I don't think anyone is saying this man will attack anyone, but simply pointing out its a known risk, in a very non specific sense. Its highly unlikely anything at all will happen, but its clear that the OP and her daughters are uncomfortable about being drawn into this situation.

OP - how many offers of free accommodation for this man did you receive by pm from all your armchair critics?!

Why would you be surprised if he hasn't had a wank?

Spence he would not have had the wank because he was in a new bed - but because men like wanking!

What a stupid thing to say. Yes men like wanking and I'm sure women do too.

That doesn't mean that you can't hold off for a few days.

You are definitely on the wind up

I feel sorry for this man, there are some disgusting comments about him on this thread

He thought he was on to a 4 week stay until last night, so I doubt he has felt the need to 'restrain' himself, of course I could be wrong, but equally I could be right, which if I am the poor OP's DD has to deal with that! She is 21 the thought would have probably gone through her head as well.

The thing is, he could say anything, you don't really know why he has left.
Unfortunately some people do lie about their circumstances to gain sympathy, and because he is only an acquaintance it would be hard to gauge if he is being honest.

I wouldn't have taken him in, but if I felt like he was desperate I would have given him the money for a travel lodge for 1 night.
I would rather be out of pocket than risk my children.
I feel sorry for the OP as her DH signed her up for this, and even more sorry for the children especially DD who had her room taken away and has a strange man sleeping in it.

I assure you I am def not on the wind up.

Thank you Mor - my points exactly

Kali - I feel sorry for this man, there are some disgusting comments about him on this thread

No more than any other stranger - they are a potential danger - and remember the OP had to return home as her daughter did not want to be in the house alone with him

For the record, I wouldn't take in a lone female acquaintance either!

He is a grown man not some horny teenager.

This is getting stupid now

I am a grown man - I would not choose to go 3/4 days without ....

But it is not about that - it is the fact he is a stranger in their house

Why are you sharing your wanking habits on this thread?

glasgow, you're coming across a bit hysterical.

I just think families should be safe guarded.

I would rather be hysterical than the alternative.

I was sharing because a PP said "he is not a horny teenager"

I agree about keeping your kids safe but the op is not leaving the man in charge of her kids, she is just giving him use of a room while the parents are still there.

DD1 (age22) was getting ready for work for 11am start. She rang me on my mobile as everyone was out except for her and this man. She asked me what time is that man going out? I told her I didn't know as I didn't know anything about him really and I don't even have his phone number. She told me that she could hear him in the bathroom and she asked me if she could use my en-suite and get changed in my bedroom.
I told her yes and said I would come home right away so that she wasn't on her own in the house with him.

He's sharing as he's on a wind up.

I am telling you I am not on a wind up.

I am not the only poster who thinks her family is in danger, who thinks he has prob masturbated in her daughters bed.

A stranger in a house with your 22 year old daughter.....okaaaaaaaaaaaaay

This will shock you then. A few years ago I worked in america for the summer and I stayed with families through out the week.

One week I had to sleep in the daughters room. She was 21 and stayed at her friends for the week.

I managed to control myself and not have a wank the whole time I stayed there.

Well done.

I also have never raped anyone - that does not mean that rapes do not occur