Would you prefer men not to post on MN?

[XYWithBabyOnTheWay]

I'm a man and I've just had my AIBU thread zapped, and it's made me sad.

My wife and I have been preparing for the birth of our baby (PFB) for most of this year.

I discovered MN while we were TTC, and have found it to be a great resource for all the worries and questions that naturally come to you at this time in your life. My DW reads it too sometimes, but not as much as me! I've posted a few threads myself, and got some great advice on some serious subjects.

I also discovered the more light hearted side of MN like Chat and AIBU, and quickly became slightly addicted to the funny, crazy and hilarious things people post.

Today I decided to post a silly story about me drinking gravy from a jug my wife had previously had a wee into (for a urine sample for one of the many antenatal appointments that all pregnant women have). Yes the jug had been washed in between! I was hoping to perhaps make a few people smile, like many other threads have done for me.

It was tame compared to some of the bodily function threads I read about on here. Yes I name changed, but it was a bit embarrassing - and many many other people do the same thing for their TMI posts.

Clearly some of you didn't like it, and have reported me and got the thread removed. Is is purely because I identified myself as a man?

It would be a great shame if the knowledge and resources of a site like MN were made less available to men who post openly.

I'm not going to flounce, but I think when I post in future using my new account, I wont draw attention to my sex - then I can join in the fun without being excluded.

It's nice to see men on a thread, makes a change to all the hens clucking about

I've not been on mumsnet for a while, I saw your post yesterday, didn't think it was too much of a big deal, but every post I've randomly clicked on since then has been posted by a man! What's going on????

I actually don't think men should post on mumsnet. It always makes me think who is your dw in the background, and why is she not speaking for herself.

I think when mums post worries about their children, half the purpose of our response is to support them and make them feel better about themselves. When men post carefully crafted posts about an issue, you feel like you're reading an academic journal. I can tell it's a man just by the opening sentence.

And thinking about your 'funny' post that got deleted. If your wife had written it, an implicit message would have been 'support me and reassure me' and I'm sure we'd have replied with similar tales to show we're all in it together. I think men just want to sound funny for the sake of it.

Look, all those clutching their pearls while talking about the apparent "disgusting" nature of what I posted, and lumping it in with threads about bumsex and shit - I think you need to climb down off your high horses.

A very large part of Mumsnet is about the act of POAS. People even post pictures of the stick. All women who have been through pregnancy will be used to providing continuous samples of urine. I think to pretend that talking about wee on Mumsnet is disgusting is to ignore 50% of the conversations that actually go on here!

I posted my story hoping to get a few people saying, "oh yes that's happened to me too!", and actually a few people on this thread have already suggested that it has! Considering the amount of women on here who will have had to give urine samples at some point in there lives, I would have thought that a proportion of you used some sort of drinking container - and the law of averages says there must some who simply washed it up, and continued to used it in the kitchen. Which is what happened in our case.

It's the faux outrage used as an excuse to put me down which is annoying.

Sorry to drag the thread up again. I've said my piece now.

Yes I know the patriarchy is a problem, but it's not my fault I was born a man who loves Mumsnet!

I'm new to mumsnet and I have to say, I am finding it a massive eye-opener. And I think of myself as someone with a strong feminine side (if I can say that, easiest way to describe it) who believes that one day women will run the world, and have no problem with that at all.

Trying to be careful about what I say, well actually more just trying to gauge the tone, because clearly there are many occasions where a male opinion would not be welcomed or appropriate. Feel a bit like I'm in bandit country at times, but I am finding it fascinating and soooo much more interesting and relevant than FB, which bores me shitless.

I hope I will learn a few things I didn't know, because being a man, of course...

DP has been known to drink gravy out of the jug. He is a total barbarian who really, really likes gravy ...

OP You're starting to sound like a bit of a princess now ... Lots of blokes on here posting away happily and bothering no-one. Your thread wasn't that funny and sounded a bit weird - that's all!

Ah see this is it though. You started off with a sort of chumminess about pee - women have to POAS, therefore they will like your gravy joke. Then you were upset that the gravy joke got pulled and you didn't get a chummy thread where you could be as one with all the womenz about their pee. And now you're cross - you're pointing out that we're not playing by the rules of our own game. Women post about pee! so you should be allowed to post about pee!

I feel like you're trying to chat us up, and now we're at the part where you get pissy because we don't want to go home with you.

Look, your pee and gravy thread wasn't funny, and that's why it got pulled. It was laboured (as is this one), and the labouring was suggestive of perviness. You have more of a timing issue than a gender one.

The rest of it? don't be on MN trying to be a woman. It was your wife's pee in the gravy or whatever. Let her post about it. Post about your experience as a man. That is more interesting and far less likely to be seen as trolling. It will also keep you from the problematic territory of coopting the female voice to speak to our experience. Reference to 'pearl clutching'? from a man, irritating (at the very least).

Yes I know the patriarchy is a problem.

Feel a bit like I'm in bandit country at times

Now that is funny

Another bloke checking in. Never felt unwelcome here, and I've never really felt the need to be involved in threads where I might be unwelcome.

@ Beer Eh Gringo, put you hands een the air and geeve me all your money ...

I'd prefer men not to post on MN. You have the rest of the internet and pretty much all other public spaces to whine and whinge and start hugely dodgy threads about gravy jugs be taken seriously. Fill yer boots elsewhere. I'm just not that interested in what you have to say. I get to hear men's voices and their opinions day in day out ad nauseum. You aren't a special snowflake.

I laughed at it. How about people who have no children? I'm not married and don't have any children yet. People have slammed me right the fuck down for it. A lot of people come on here for advice, or just to lurk. Or read other people's stories. It's a public forum for christ's sake.

op you remind me of women who are a little too desperate to want to be one of the boys and claim they do not get on with women as well as they do men. it comes over across as please please like me

do not try so hard

I do wonder why men post on MN on a daily chit chat basis ( I can understand male nursery workers or men that post mainly on the politics section ) but to be here just for talks sake does seem a bit odd - I'd be a bit embarrassed if my dh had MN account.

& yes, you are coming across as a bit desperate.

The pissing-on-a-stick thing is funny because it's a shared experience, and to be blunt if you didn't do it you need to get your chucklesome tales elsewhere ...

That's exactly it, we all have to pee on a stick and can bond over the act. You tried to ingratiate yourself into that in a weird way.

Talk about your own experiences and people will warm to you. Obviously trying to bond with a predominantly female audience about your latest prostate examination probably won't work. But at least it would be about you.

I like having men on here. I hate it when new male posters appear to "set us all straight" on a subject, because they sound like idiots and it's annoying. Although hilarious when they express shock and outrage that no one is listening to them because they're not a recognised poster and not making a good point.

I don't usually notice whether posters are male or female unless they state it. That's the best way to be. Because then it's your ideas that are being counted, not your genitalia.

In conclusion, don't whine when everything doesn't go your way. It's offputting.

Oh and the only time I really view men with suspicion is when they start a thread in Relationships. So many will do it because their wives are mners. And that's not right.

Sorry rootypig I knew mentioning pearls would be an inflammatory statement, so I apologise for that.

Thanks for a well constructed riposte, and I think you are probably 100% correct in your first paragraph - you got me.

But this thread was about my experience as a man. I poured (not drank!) gravy from a perfectly clean washed-up jug, that my wife had had a wee in previously. No ulterior motive, just a bit of a joke.

Look, basically it is likely that soon I'm going be a SAHD for at least a few months if not for longer, so it's important to me to have the knowledge and camaraderie of Mumsnet to hand.

But you didn't do the "out of the ordinary bit", you poured gravy, your wife peed in the jug.

Look

oh ok

Why are you continually trying to weave your wee story into this thread OP?

It's not a gender thing- it's just that no one is interested in you starting a thread about drinking from a jug which held wee- why would they be?

Perhaps a name change then, because you don't seem to be winning a lot of friends with this thread either ...

Yeah, honestly and please forgive me if this is in any way hurtful, I do consider this mostly a female arena.
Of course it is not possible to block a gender and ion some threads it's fine but I come here because it's mostly women and the men may be here but it's not their party, not their rules. I love a male free public space. Individually I'm sure there are lovely men around this site but I like that I m not here on their terms! So men being here but not in charge has an effect.

On the other hand I wish the scouts had kept girls out. I know they couldnt but I wish they had, I think boys thrive in positive separate sPaces. The girls in ds's scout troop end up being dominant by being such '. I think they can slightly neuter the boys and stop them using the wilder sides of their energies to operate in the troop. It becomes trying to keep up with the uber angels managing up so brilliantly.

Yes, I've already got another account set up with a new username that is a non gender specific play on words in the great MN tradition, so I'll carry on as normal with that one.

To be honest, I've come back with this account because this is one of the things I enjoy about MN - honest and open debate which pulls no punches. I enjoy a good discussion! I've learnt quite a lot already from this thread to prepare myself for future survival on here.

I quite enjoy reading the forum because it is mostly women - I have few female relatives and few English-speaking female friends, so it's interesting to see women's opinions and thoughts. I'm not particularly interested in the posts of other men on here. Don't begrudge posting here, though, obviously.

Begrudge them