Would you prefer men not to post on MN?

[XYWithBabyOnTheWay]

I'm a man and I've just had my AIBU thread zapped, and it's made me sad.

My wife and I have been preparing for the birth of our baby (PFB) for most of this year.

I discovered MN while we were TTC, and have found it to be a great resource for all the worries and questions that naturally come to you at this time in your life. My DW reads it too sometimes, but not as much as me! I've posted a few threads myself, and got some great advice on some serious subjects.

I also discovered the more light hearted side of MN like Chat and AIBU, and quickly became slightly addicted to the funny, crazy and hilarious things people post.

Today I decided to post a silly story about me drinking gravy from a jug my wife had previously had a wee into (for a urine sample for one of the many antenatal appointments that all pregnant women have). Yes the jug had been washed in between! I was hoping to perhaps make a few people smile, like many other threads have done for me.

It was tame compared to some of the bodily function threads I read about on here. Yes I name changed, but it was a bit embarrassing - and many many other people do the same thing for their TMI posts.

Clearly some of you didn't like it, and have reported me and got the thread removed. Is is purely because I identified myself as a man?

It would be a great shame if the knowledge and resources of a site like MN were made less available to men who post openly.

I'm not going to flounce, but I think when I post in future using my new account, I wont draw attention to my sex - then I can join in the fun without being excluded.

FellReturneth - For reasons I have never really understood men have to work much harder to be accepted on MN than women, and often get given an unnecessarily hard time. There is also sadly a culture of blatant double standards where blokes are concerned on here, and a default position of guilty until proven innocent. That will probably be flatly denied but I have seen it many many times over the years and it really winds me up.

Trust me, it's EXACTLY the same on male-dominated forums! Some of the bullshit female posters have to put up with can be ludicrous and any threads criticising or belittling women will get loads of support and general misogynistic comments.

That wasn't aimed at you btw op. You don't seem too bad so far. I reserve judgement.

in fact not only is it still there but MNHQ made it discussion of the day I believe.

For reasons I have never really understood men have to work much harder to be accepted on MN than women

That is the reason. Patriarchy, among other things, just aint funny.

I can't imagine there's a great many people care what gender you are. Or whether you are a parent, tbh. There's enough people on here who are not parents. And I have no idea what gender someone is unless they announce it. And then I don't care.

odd threads by newbies tend to get zapped if mnhq think the person is a troll. Someone who hasn't been around long and doesn't post much deciding to name change to talk about drinking from a jug his partner peed in is always going to get the big red troll siren blaring.

If you aren't a troll, then stick around, be a regular poster and don't be weird

And now if I could extend that advice to all the tmi buggers on here, that'd be great

Is the tapeworm thread replete with photos of the tapeworm covered in the female OP's shit still there?

Really. Really? Ewww.

I don't doubt it holly and I've seen lots of misogynistic twattery on largely male forums myself. But should we not try to lead by example?

FellReturneth Oh yes, totally.

"don't be weird"
Great advice for all situations really Hectate

And rooty do you think it's ok to be shitty to a bloke on mums net who has said or done nothing threatening or patronising or offensive to you, just because of the patriarchy?

They're not paying any attention to our example. There are some truly vile misogynistic forums, manhuff really doesn't compare.

I saw the thread. Unless it took a turn for the worse it looked a lot fucking better than that disgusting tapeworm thread which has a lot of replies.

I did read your thread.

I found it funny.

There are a few sour faces around. You will learn to spot them a few threads away....

I couldn't care less if you are a man. Actually id prefer a good mix of everybody. I would leave in an instant if I heard ANY one group were being cut. It's the internet. All welcome. (Except bloody trolls)

I don't mind men as a matter of principle. Some not so good, though.

I'm (happily) married, but must admit I did lurk/peek at the Singles Thread for a while.

There was one guy who just used to dominate the thread, remember him?

"Men are like this. You should do X. You shouldn't do Y. Women aren't allowed to do this."

In his own words, he had been divorced because his wife couldn't stand his attention seeking, then wanted to explain to all the wimmin on here how they "should" act to keep men like him happy.

He even seemed to be driving some female posters away, setting women up against each other.

What he actually meant was "I like this, I think this.".

He didn't seem to be geuninely popular or good at relationships IRL (in his own words, he slept with an ex then shouted and cried at her because she wouldn't let him move in with her, so I can see why ).

He seemed to spend a lot of time creating this internet "nice guy, but with a lot of passive aggressiveness" persona to compensate for real life deficiencies. So he could get attention on the Net he wasn't getting IRL.

Now: This is the kind of "man" one doesn't like to see on MN. They create drama, they attention seek, and set women off against each other.

So I think men posting based on look, this is my personal opinion, experiences it's fine and welcome.

But self-styling as Representives of Manhood and then Mansplaining to cover up real life inadequacy/bitterness/resentment isn't Ok.

No, I don't. I don't do it myself, and I haven't seen much of it. But I do think it would be naive to think that gender relations (anyone got a better phrase for that?) won't have an impact on what men say, how they say it, and how it will be received. So I do think it's ok that the same thing said by a man and by a woman elicits different reactions, in principle, and I do think it's likely that fewer men will find MN sympatico, and vice versa. Men are a group, or a class, in some sense, so it is hardly surprising to find commonalities in the way they are received.

Bloody hate it when HQ delete threads without checking with me first. On the face of it, it doesn't sound any worse than some of the more minging others on here - what did I miss?

And no, you're not deleted simply for being a bloke - unless you come on here and wave your penis about and announce you're one then it's impossible to tell. I've even had a few posters asking if I'm a man because of my name (I'm not, last time DH and I looked ). In short, the more the merrier as far as I'm concerned.

Yeah, a bit like black people I suppose.

Oh, and another example of "mansplaining": anyone lurk on the "men prefer younger women" thread.

There were some utterly hopeless cases (if you read their posting history, they weren't exactly shining specimens of masculinity), very earnestly, telling women that if they were above X age they weren't physically attractive, but it was Ok, because men would "settle" for their personalities?

As if the women reading it were meant to be grateful that "men" like that were telling them How Life Is

I have a special jug for my pee samples

Men are a group, or a class, in some sense

What, all the many billions of them?!

You are wrong to think this is about your sex. You being a man is nothing to do with this.

Anybody posting about drinking gravy from a jug somebody had previously pissed into, would be regarded utterly idiotic. And gravy? WTF. Somethings you do stuff that is bizarre, you dont go posting about it. Can see why you name changed.

As an adult, you should know better than to spout piss online. And it is not fun. It is just gross and ill judged.

Name changing to post controversially is trolling.

I absolutely love PigletJohn, to take just one example of a male who posts with thought and integrity.

LRD it was ComposHat, who actually just posted after us.

Hope you don't mind me outing you there, Compos!

PigletJohn is a man and he is my most favourite poster ever on Mumsnet.

OP, your deleted thread sounds a bit weird, trying too hard and cringeworthy but it's sounds like lots of other threads indeed, I thought penis beaker was weird, trying to hard and cringeworthy

I generally don't open poo/wee/sex type threads. I'm not interested and I think there can be an element of weirdness/pervy'ness.

I think there's a difference in attitude between men and women as a class, yes.

Some of my male uni chums went into a very traditional, male-dominated profession.

Although I'm a fairly high-powered sort, if I'm turning up as a guest at one of their "bring a laydee" dining nights, I act like one.

Them's the rules, y'know, and it' not my space, and I respect that, even if I do think some of the traditions are fairly weird, I don't stand up and start an effing debate? (even if I am a bit )

Whereas I think in female spaces, some (not all) men think they can walk in and tell the little wimmin what's what.

Unfortunately I think some women encourage them by being so, so GRATEFUL that some loser passive aggresive type is being polite they bend over backwards and respect their opinion more than that of another woman. Gah and double gah.

Quint, I have to agree - the only outstanding thing about this story is that someone DRINKS gravy! From a jug makes it only slightly more bizarre.

Weird, OP, but not enough to base a whole thread upon.