to assume that 12 year old kids cannot be left alone in park

[mum7]

I would love to hear what you think: after sports day, my 12 year old daughter was left by herself in a park she was not familiar with. Apparently, she followed a large group of girls and then realised that these children were going home with their parents or by themselves. When she went back to where the games had been, no one was there. I called the school, and they did not know where she was. I think by then all the teachers had left. I have now re-read the letter from the school and it said that the "day is scheduled to finish at 3:45 at the track", which I now realised meant that we had to collect the girls from the track and not the school. Am I unreasonable to expect the school not to let my daughter alone just because I am not there as expected? If I had been late to collect her from school, she would have felt safe and just waited for me. In the park, she started panicking.

Take a day out and do the buses with your daughter, show her where to wait, how to read a timetable, and (assuming she doesn't know) how to get on and pay the driver or whatever method they use your part of the woods. What landmarks to watch out for when it's close to her stop and where to get off.. do different routes and let her carry her own money and do it all herself. Start with the park where it all started from, how to read the signs to get out and so on.

If she had known how to do that in the first place she could have made it back to the school at least so you could have picked her up.

What!??!! You were on your way and she got in a car alone with a caretaker and didnt call yiu. Ask permission or even think of the danger?

Wow.

Just wow.

I'm also surprised that nothing was discussed when it was known that she needed taking to the park in the morning.

More questions than answers in response to i the update

She called to say the school caretaker was taking her to school. It was far easier for me to drive back to school than to find the car park etc and start looking for her. One last thing - originally, she was expecting me to collect her from school and I was at the school gates waiting for her. Anyway, today I am just so glad it's over!

Was there a bus to get her back to the school,then?
If so, how did she miss it?
And why didn't the school know who would be on it?

It will happen again if you don't work on promoting independence for her though.

And not in due course but now!

Please teach your daughter some independence skills. I think she could do with them..

FWIW my DD1 - in Y8 - had sports day recently. She had a bit of a think in advance as to how she'd get back from the park. In the end she got a lift, but she thought about bus routes and trains back and had a couple of contingency plans.

I'm really surprised the caretaker put him/herself in that position tbh

I was at a football match last week where a member of staff decided to drive a child home because his Mum hadn't turned up to collect him (he contacted her and she said she'd fallen asleep feeding newborn). The staff member asked me to jump in the car with them as it's school policy, to cover them from allegations that might arise from being alone together.

I should add that the child only needed driving home because it's a Primary school.

I can see now why there was an issue. I wouldn't like to be lost in our nearest park, never mind my daughter.

I don't think the school is at fault at all though as you dropped her off in the park not the school so there was no reason to assume that she would be going to the school at the end of the day. Your daughter should be a bit more aware of what is going on by reading letters, talking to friends. It shouldn't just be your responsibility now that she is getting older.

I think a lot of people have been a bit harsh on the OP. She messed up, the school partially messed up and people also have to remember that the OP is fairly new to secondary school type arrangements as is her daughter. Even though she has been at school for nearly a school year this might be the first time this type of occasion has arisen. There was no major panic, her daughter seems to have acted quite sensibly, it was just that neither knew the area. The incident has lead to better arrangements being put in place on both sides, so all positive stuff.

I think everyone has missed, misread or misunderstood a school letter or been disorganised in their time, especially if you have a lot on your plate, and let's face it, some of the letters are not very clear.

We had one the other day from the school about DD1's course in the summer. On reading of it you could interpret it in one paragraph as being on Monday and Thursday, and in another part as being Monday - Thursday inclusive. The office were none the wiser. Luckily I managed to speak to another parent whose child is also attending who had spoken to the other institution involved who confirmed the dates.

Not being harsh at all. The OP asked if it was the schools fault and the majority answer is no. All the other others children got home ok and they all received the same letter. OP needs to read letters more closely and support her DD to be more independent.

Not being harsh at all.
If OP had come on and asked if anyone else had ever turned up to the wrong place / at the wrong time to pick their dc up, or gone for a confession that she forgot to pick them up, loads of us would admit to doing it too - it's a rite of passage, IMO,
BUT
the OP asked if she was BU to think that 12 yr olds shouldn't be left alone in the park.
Different question altogether.

As (from the later post) it seems she was dropped off there by a parent in the morning, and it's such a massive park, then the obvious thing would have been to say - "Wait by that signpost/gate/advert/phonebox/building for your Mum tonight" and your dh to have text/phoned you to tell you of distinguishing feature. Doesn't everyone arrange a meeting point for dc if they will be "loose" in an unknown place?

We all managed without phones!! :o

I can't speak for everyone else I was always just told to get the bus! My mum didn't drive and my dad never picked is up from anywhere

"Doesn't everyone arrange a meeting point for dc if they will be "loose" in an unknown place?"

Yes, except that OP thought that she was collecting from school.

Find it hard to believe that the only communication about it was the letter tbh.

Good to hear from you OP. Sounds as if you, dd and the school have all learned from this.

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bah gum?

By 12 I would expect her to be a functioning young adult. I think if she panics being in a public park by herself, you need to teach her more about the world and how to cope.

I think it depends where the OP lives. No way would I let my 12 year old be alone in the park near me ( London). If I lived somewhere safer, then yes it would be fine

She wasn't "left alone" as such, though. All the other girls left to make their own way home, and she was expected to do the same.
She was alone because she panicked and returned after everyone else had left.