to assume that 12 year old kids cannot be left alone in park

[mum7]

I would love to hear what you think: after sports day, my 12 year old daughter was left by herself in a park she was not familiar with. Apparently, she followed a large group of girls and then realised that these children were going home with their parents or by themselves. When she went back to where the games had been, no one was there. I called the school, and they did not know where she was. I think by then all the teachers had left. I have now re-read the letter from the school and it said that the "day is scheduled to finish at 3:45 at the track", which I now realised meant that we had to collect the girls from the track and not the school. Am I unreasonable to expect the school not to let my daughter alone just because I am not there as expected? If I had been late to collect her from school, she would have felt safe and just waited for me. In the park, she started panicking.

How the fuck did 'day' get turned into 'fatty'??

See, the obesity crisis is even spreading to auto correct!

Yabu

At 12, I was left at Alton Towers with a group of friends as we were late back to get the coach (we got on the wrong cable car and ended up further away than we meant to). They had warned all of us that they would do this if we weren't back at a certain time, and they did. My mum had to drive 20 miles to collect us!

YANBU.What sloppy careless arrangements!
I think people are forgetting that many children travel a distance to secondary school and they won't necessarily be familiar with the area the school is in.
My Dc's secondary school would always walk them back to the school and dismiss them from there.This means the kids follow the normal procedure (go back to reception or the teacher on gate duty ) if their bus/lift doesn't turn up.
At 12 children are developing independence- yes, but under controlled conditions -they still need looking after.

How did the school leave her exactly, if she wandered off?

Well perhaps if she hadn't wandered off......

Or is school responsible for her decisions too?

Worra ,I know

I was getting the bus to the shops/school by myself at 12.

Gate duty? What is that?
If you walk them back to school that means a shorter day. Most students don't want to go back, just in order to turn around and walk out again! If they live in the direction of the school, there'll always be some teachers heading back in the same direction to walk with.

Exceptions being students who need special arrangements to get to school, taxis etc.

And yes YABU.

YABU for all the reasons already given.

Arf @ gate duty

How about just teaching kids to actually follow instructions.

At 12, the majority of children are at Secondary Level.

The mistake was on your part for not reading the letter correctly. The staff weren't to know your daughter wasn't aware of what was happening as she left and followed another group of girls!

YABU.

YABU. If you'd read the letter properly, none of this would have happened!

Sorry, but another YABU. A child of 12 should be able to deal with a minor crisis like this.

As others gave said, get her a mobile phone if she hasn't got one already, and maybe provide a map of the local area.

Gate Duty involves a member of staff being present at the gate to watch for:
-dodgy strangers
-potential fights or silliness as secondary students walk off by themselves
-Parents illegally parking/driving in a dangerous manner if they are picking up.
It is NOT a supervision service and staff are not there to wait for parents. The students are expected to walk off home past us. If they choose, between them and their parents, to wait and be picked up, that is a private arrangement.

Hellskitty the arrangements seem perfectly tight from a safeguarding point of view: stay with the staff going back to school/waiting for parents OR make their own way home. Dithering by half going off, then returning (not being psychic, how would staff know she'd change her mind?) combined with a parental error in reading the letter (letter was sent in a timely manner and gave correct instructions) meant the DD was picked up late.
An unkind interpretation would be that the "sloppy careless arrangements" were on the part of the OP and DD.

"The staff weren't to know your daughter wasn't aware of what was happening "

This is the thing I don't get.

Why would a letter being sent mean that the daughter didn't know what was happening?

Was it sealed & addressed to OP??

Wouldn't it be discussed at school?

Wouldn't she had read the letter?

BTW my experience of gate duty is nigh on 12 years in various guises at various schools. In NO secondary school has it ever been supervision while 12 year olds are picked up in the current school, I brace myself every Y7 as so many parents are confused by this and cross when PFB spends their pocket money/walks home with a naughty friend/scuffs their shoes on their way home... one suggested we walk his son home as of course he's so much more important than the other 999 kids ..!

Gate duty?! You mean the lone member of SLT who's trying to stop parents driving in to the school carpark?! YABU - and I'd put money on the fact that now 60+ posters have told you so you won't come back and say "ok, my bad!"

Diddl if the OP's dd is anything like my son, he scrunches the letters up without a care in the world as to what is happening in it. I normally have to search his bag. That is how I found the tickets for his P7 leavers show this Friday! Dd however would hand everything over and know word for word what was in it and where she was to be, when why etc.

It's our job as parent to raise our kids to be independent and have common sense to keep them safe.

You've got a lot of work to do still on that front. My 11 yo is at senior school and rides the 2.5 miles to get there.

Seems to me that, unless your child has special needs, it's time to losen those apron strings.

Where did she assume she was going when she followed the crowd?? . Why on earth couldn't she just have just gone home; you're surely not still collecting her from school at 12, why is the sports track any different?

Presumably the sports track is not a million miles from the school - why didn't she just make her way back there (asking another girl/parent/teacher for the way if not sure)?

sorry OP but another YABU here - and I have a 12 year old girl!

So now you make a list of things to make sure you don't put your daughter in this position again.
Read all communications carefully and pin them on your notice board.
You need to be very clear about what and where things are happening, times and locations of pick ups.
She needs to have a basic phone so she can contact you if things go wrong.
She needs to know that in a confused situation, she doesn't wander off, she looks for a teacher and checks what she should do.
Failing that, she needs to ask the parent of a fellow student to phone you for her.
This was your responsibility, and hers. Fortunately she and you will learn from it.