to assume that 12 year old kids cannot be left alone in park

[mum7]

I would love to hear what you think: after sports day, my 12 year old daughter was left by herself in a park she was not familiar with. Apparently, she followed a large group of girls and then realised that these children were going home with their parents or by themselves. When she went back to where the games had been, no one was there. I called the school, and they did not know where she was. I think by then all the teachers had left. I have now re-read the letter from the school and it said that the "day is scheduled to finish at 3:45 at the track", which I now realised meant that we had to collect the girls from the track and not the school. Am I unreasonable to expect the school not to let my daughter alone just because I am not there as expected? If I had been late to collect her from school, she would have felt safe and just waited for me. In the park, she started panicking.

The school had informed everyone that the day would end at the track.

It's unfortunate that the letter was missed.

Maybe the classes should have been reminded the day before?

Also unfortunate that daughter didn't realise what was happening & tell a teacher that she hadn't made arrangements to be collected.

(assuming too far to walk)

How did they get from school to track?

YABU - for all the reasons already given.

Why didn't she just ask her mates if they knew what way she needed to go?

YABU, she's 12 so why would you collect her from the track or the school anyway?

Do you live in a very remote area?

So....you failed to pick your kid up from where you were meant to at the right time....and you're trying to blame someone else for your mistake?

You feel bad. Stop trying to pass the buck. And seriously, at 12? cop on.

The majority of 12 year olds go to and from school independently.
Those who don't need to be supervised at the collection point OR taken back to school.
Which would lead to no adults being there for the unforeseen circumstance of a 12 year old appearing to leave safely with other students going home, but then coming back to the part later.
I can appreciate this must have been very frightening for her. However the lesson she can learn from this is to check before walking off if she has made arrangements to meet anyone (parents, staff, friends...).

They did also write you a letter which did say pretty clearly the pick up point was the track - no harm done, an innocent mistake on your part. But TBH they did their bit. There was a minor mix-up but no harm done.

OP, how did your daughter get home in the end?

Why does she not have a cheap PAYG phone?

Once they get to secondary school, its up to parents/child to sort out travel arrangements and to know what they are supposed to be doing after the school day ends.
This is clearly spelled out to parents before they even start secondary so I don't get why you thought it would be any different.
In fact once they get to year 5 in primary at our school the teachers no longer request that children are picked up and are allowed to make their own way home.

Teacher's shouldn't have to "babysit" your dd because of a mix up.
At 12 years old they are more than capable of not needing constant adult supervision.

You need to explain to your dd what to do in future should this happen again.

Sad your DD clearly felt alone and frightened.

But she is 12 and more than old enough to be getting to and from school, pals, sports facilities etc by herself. Didn't she chat to any of her oaks during the day and find out what was happening? If she was the only child on this situation then has she missed some bit of info?

Sorry but I think YABU

I think you need to reassess the amount of independence you are giving dd.

She should be able to handle a situation like this by now.

She should be able to get busses and travel alone around her local area.

Maybe use the summer to give her some independence building challenges.

Regardless of who's fault it is, it's time to get her a cell phone. She will only be on her own more often as she gets older.

For oaks read pals

They didn't leave her alone. She left, (and then she came back.)

But in any case, she's 12.

School did nothing wrong, and once you RE-READ the letter, you realised your mistake.

Talk through what dd needs to do in these sort of situations.

Well she's 12 you don't pick them up from school at that age unless you live in the arse of nowhere.

12 isn't too young, It might be time to give her some more independence, It has to happen at some point.

I think this was your mistake and you should not waste energy blaming the school. Why weren't you there, is it not something parents attend?

YABU because she wandered off nobody would have known she was to wait for you.
All dc I know unless they have sn make their own way home at this age.
It is also your fault you failed to read the letter from school wrongly and if in doubt didn't check up.
Do you usually collect from school?

Did they walk to the park? If so she'd have had an idea where she was.
I'm sure she was a bit freaked out by this which is why the OP is too, but really the school did nothing wrong.

I don't really understand that part of the OP either

She either walked off with a group or girls, or the teachers left her alone.

When she walked off, were they supposed to stand there for the rest of the afternoon in case some pupils decided to wander back?

Ds has been going into town, the park, walking to and from school since he was 9!

At 12 I'd be reading her the riot act for leaving the track tbh. You were informed the fatty ended at the track. You made a mistake, don't blame others.

If OP phoned the school, does that suggest that she doesn't normally collect her daughter?

So how late was it & where's the track?

"You were informed the fatty ended at the track."

Fatty? DAY- daft auto correct!

The fact other children made their own way back home is telling me it wasn't so far away.
She left and came back quite a while after if there was no one left there.
I think if she had stayed put, the teachers probably would have helped her.
But they didn't particularly need to do so as it was clear for them that the going back home was under the parents responsibility, not theirs.

How did your dd get back home? Did she wait for you there whilst you were waiting for her at school?
Are you still picking her up?

YABU - she's 12!
You were told where she would be at the end of the day.
Obviously, without knowing the Geography, we don't know if there would be a problem with her getting home from there, but that's why you were told in advance.

Secondary school children are generally allowed to walk home alone. I wouldn't expect the teachers to keep an eye on who was leaving with an adult and who wasn't.

I think YABU.