To think compulsive over eating is a mental health illness *warning may be sensitive*

[OhFFSWhatsWrongNow]

"All you have to do to lose weight is to eat healthier and exercise more"

Oh really? I had no idea. So all the over eating I have been doing for the last 22 years to comfort me through a very rough childhood can be cured just like that? Wow, thanks, that's very helpful, all my problems are solved then.

No! I'm sorry but this is an extremely ignorant view. Would you say to an anorexic "just eat more food. You'll be fine in no time"? I sincerely hope you wouldn't. So why would you challenge an over eater as to why they don't eat less food?

Don't get me wrong, I understand people must take responsibility for themselves. I'm not denying that. But for people who have had traumatic upbringings or events in their lives and turn to food for comfort, it can feel like they have lost all control over their eating. This is how I feel, and yes, I need help. It's not so easy to ask for it. Being obese is shameful enough without going to someone and admitting it. From the outside looking in, it doesn't seen so bad. But when you're the one asking, it can seem truly daunting, so many people just don't ask for it.

I want to talk about a taboo subject here, and debunk a myth that states all fat people are just lazy slobs who have no self control and just like to eat all day. This is not only judgemental and a disgusting way to think, it's also completely ridiculous. Many larger people have active lives, many of us take part in sports and have normal active lives. Just because we are over weight doesn't mean we lie around all day stuffing our faces. I have 6 children, do you think I have time to sit my arse on my couch all day? And no, my children are not overweight, for those wondering.

The self control issue, however may be correct. Because when you eat until you are so very unhealthy, you have lost control haven't you? If I could just stop over eating I would. Why the hell would I (or anyone) eat so much that they got dangerously overweight on purpose? I don't enjoy it, and don't know many people who do. I'm not saying it's an excuse to be fat, or makes it ok.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that compulsive over eaters have a problem, just like people who starve themselves, or people who have depression(which I also have) and deserve help, sympathy and respect, and not ridicule and being made fun of.

So to all my school bullies, and those "friends" and family members and even judgemental people who think obese people are too lazy to do anything about their weight, trust me, you are just making a mental health problem worse. Unless you have struggled with this problem you will never understand.

B

youmake you've been through so much. It's great that your past has had no repercussions on your life. That is truly wonderful .

I know what you mean by feeling like your ordeal is a secret. I think that's common. It's the reason why I and so many other people who do suffer don't seek the help we need

itsjust it's an addiction isn't it? No matter what has been said or done it doesn't have an effect :(

Toys I'm not sure how you would define 'over-restriction' of sugar, but I would agree that totally depriving and denying yourself food that you enjoy is a form of self-abuse too, yes. I'm not saying that liking sweet things is self-abuse either - but in a world where nutritional advice can be confusing and contradictory, there is a a common and continuing theme - vegetables, protein and good fats are good for your body, sugar is not. Most people get this - so why would your day's meals comprise largely sugar and virtually none of the 'good' things? It is the dose that makes the poison and that quantity of sugar, every day, in every meal and snack, is poison - irrespective of your weight. Its not unlike drinking 2 bottles of wine every night and saying - 'oh I know its bad for me but I really like the taste'. To me if there genuinely is no addiction then it shows a lack of self care (likely due to a lack of self-esteem). Wrt your guilt/binge after eating one biscuit - this could mean you are addicted to the hit of sugar (different people react differently), it could be a completely normal response to you simply being hungry (if you are dieting and restricting your food intake), or again, if you are dieting its the sense of deserving it or feeling deprived when you try not to have it - or it could be an emotional association....

For those looking for help - I have just started working as an Eating Psychology Coach. I am talking to NHS commisioners and various other bodies about the work I do, essentially trying to help people with problems such as emotional or binge eating, or chronic dieting/restriction before they get so far down the line that they require psychotherapy or other medical intervention. There seems to be a real interest in this, obviously the more people they can help before they need doctors the better - and I think it is definitely being recognised as a problem. The commissioners are telling the GP's about my services and I have also been directed to Age UK who have a budget for this sort of thing (if you are over 50 try there, they may have therapists in your area). So do try your GP's. Also there is a Womens Therapy Centre near me that is charity funded but will provide therapy at rates people can afford/free, so it may be worth finding out if there is something similar in your area. It doesn't even need to be a specialist in disordered eating - just having some talking therapy or even mindfulness coaching to work through issues can make a real difference.

Well here is my story;

I was told I was ugly and pathetic constantly by my brother, its all I ever knew and it was just what I believed, there was no doubt in my mind that it was true.

When I was 15 I started taking drugs, lost loads of weight and started feeling better about myself.

When I was 19 I was told I was 'never going to be beautiful' like my friends by an older female friend, I went out with a guy who hid our relationship and wouldn't really properly look me in the eye.

Then I met my husband who told me straight out that he wished he'd gone out with a 'really fit girl' who his 'friends would be jealous of'

I piled on weight, had a horrid time but thankfully got off the drugs, had two children and stayed with that man for 9 years, because I honestly didn't believe I could do any better so what would be the point in trying?

My weight is a coping mechanism because I would rather people looked at me and saw fat than saw me, because when you live in a world where you are constantly judged simply because you were born with a vagina, you soon find out if you don't meet with those standards.

I have tried countless times to lose weight, after the birth of my second child I lost 4 stone, my husbands reaction was 'You will never be beautiful, you can lose weight but you will never be beautiful'

Last month I had finally had my share of the shit sex, the feeling terrible, we had our 8 year anniversary and I felt nothing but dread at the thought of spending my life with him. He once again treated me like shit in bed and I finally put an end to it.

I don't know how much weight I have lost since then, I know that I have been eating much better, I do a combination of calorie counting and 5:2, which means I can eat the odd chinese or have a crazy binge - last week I binged out on 4000 calories one day - while still maintaining a weekly calorie deficit.

It feels like a life-style change for me, the house is cleaner, the children are happier and we are all eating better.

I am using Slim-fast for lunch and breakfast right now and having chicken and salad most nights for dinner, even that was judged by my husband who said to me last night 'you seem to eat the same thing every night it must be boring' I pointed out that actually I have 2 nights a week where I have something different (even a pizza or a roast dinner or something) and I have 2 nights where I don't eat anything for dinner, I just have my shakes that day.

I also cycle in between Salmon and chicken with my salad of an evening and have different veggies and things.

In September my eldest starts school, 1.2 miles away down a flat road. I will walk him to school every morning with the baby (now 2) on my back for some of the way. 1 day a week I will pick him up with the baby on my back too. So I will be walking around 4.8 miles a day with a (currently) 13kg weight on my back for half of it.

When that happens I plan on changing my slimfast to a homemade smoothie with banana, almond milk (I already use almond milk) peanut butter and various vitamins and supplements in it and my lunch to a soup or something like that.

I do still comfort eat, so I do a low calorie day to make up for it. I also use a drug to curb my appetite on those days and sometimes if I need to at work too, it makes me very alert and stops me wanting to eat anything which is helpful at work where there are loads of biscuits and things lying around.

I have just finished my anti-depressants and I will not be starting them again, I don't know if it will work this time, it feels like it will but we will see.

I think what people forget is that it is much easier to maintain weight than it is to diet. You have to be eating at a deficit for a loooong time to lose significant amounts of weight.

I also cannot have biscuits/sweeties or anything like that in the house. I buy Nature Valley bars that the kids have as treats and then if I do binge on them I am still only eating half the calories as I would in a giant choccy bar or whatever!

I am really laughing about speaking to the GP, they are HOPELESS with anything to do with mental health, they really failed to help me completely and have never offered me anything but surgery for weightloss. Hopeless, completely hopeless.

Sleep: Just out of interest, what are your qualifications for being an "Eating Psychology Coach"?

I qualified with the Institute for the Psychology of Eating in the US Toys.

can I also add that when I told one of my friends that I was trying to lose weight she said 'ooo don't get an eating disorder, they are really tough'

yes because at 17st something I DON'T already have an eating disorder

Rrright..

I can refer you to several mn'etters I've worked with who seem very happy with the outcome if you'd like to PM Toys

No thanks.

The thing is, therapy is expensive, impossible (for me) to access on our NHS and therefore only for the well off.

I couldn't deprive my family of the things they will get with the £25/£50 a week that I probably should spend on therapy.

They're charging nearly $7000 for an online training course that qualifies you as an 'Eating Psychology Coach' at the end of it?

And the NHS are interested in talking to you about it?

Thanks for understanding that I in no way think I'm better than anyone on this thread OHFFS for you too.

I've read your eat better threads sleep. They were fascinating and you are very knowledgable

Sleep and Worra: I highly doubt the NHS is interested. Incidentally, I know exactly what my issues with eating are. I am just having a hard time right now for reasons outside my control, so eating has suffered too. I'm sure I'll be better again soon.

Sleep, I hope you don't go around offering your "services" to vulnerable people on these boards, or offer your "support" to them on PM's which quickly turn into "I can help you for a bargain price of £40" adverts. Unless you're doing it for free (but, actually, it's dodgy even then, as your qualification is not Internationally regulated or accepted). As someone with degrees in Psychology and counselling (from a Russell group uni), I find what you're doing distasteful, if not down right unethical.

YANBU

There are lots of reasons people are overweight.

Some people don't understand basic nutrition, some people just love to eat a lot of junk, some people are just greedy, some people are very inactive through laziness. These people I don't have much sympathy for - for them it's a lifestyle choice to be fat. And if they are fat, then they shouldn't feel bad about it or complain about it, it's their choice. I will probably always be a bit overweight as I enjoy eating too much of what I shouldn't eat so much of, and I accept that.

But there are other people who have more complex reasons and these can involve mental and/or physical health aspects. They need help in overcoming those aspects as far as possible and sympathy. I know I put on nearly 3 stone comfort eating when I believed my ex was having an affair (I was right). I knew I was comfort eating. I knew what it was doing to me. Could I stop? No. Not until it all came out and split up - stopped overnight as the trigger was no longer a factor for me.

I have worked with people for free toys, I also try and support people on several boards here - I'm not sure why that is unethical . Last time I checked you don't need an international regulated qualification to work as a health coach. Many people have diet and health plans with no such qualifications - Rosemary Conley and Paul McKenna for example, doesn't seem to cause an issue there.

With a recognised degree you have an intense immersion in ethics, as you're working with vulnerable people and sensitive issues. You're welcome to advertise as long as you do it in the adverts section, so people know what you're getting into.

And I have no time for "Health Coaches" either.

what "they're" getting into, rather..

Also, "health coaches"/"fitness coaches" do not (generally) purport to have expertise in dealing with MH issues, which you; OTOH, do claim to have.

Anyway, off to out now..

When did I claim that? My point was about helping people with disordered eating patterns and similar, before they get to the point where psychotherapy or psychiatric help is required and 'justified' according to the NHS, plenty of people fall into that category, as this thread alone shows.

The thing is sleep, these forums are not full of people looking for health coaches, they are full of people looking for support from each other.

As this thread has show and my completely ignored posts when it gets into 'pay me to help you' territory, the people who need help and support, or can offer it, are ignored.