TO Expect GROWN UP Girls night out!

[mrssnodge]

I'm 47 and I have been friends with 'the girls' for over 25 years, all having grown up DC, and we still keep in touch and have nights out sometimes- When we were younger in our mid twenties, (all with small DC) we used to go out to weekly/fortnightly and go to busy bars, and maybe dance on dance floor a little and stay out until maybe midnight-
Once I hit 40, I really started to hate this, and would suggest a meal/pics/nite in etc, kind of thing, but was met with oh no, we are going dancing/flirting etc- bearing in mind we are all married / DP etc- so I started giving it a miss.
Anyway I was invited out for a birthday night out last Friday, was told a few drinks in her garden, then into town for drinks n chat etc, with my age group- mid to late forties- so AIBU hating the fact when we got to town, we had to meet up with their neices, and friends, who were all about 20, and went to bars with names as 'Popworld' all aimed at 18 yr olds, and the bday girl (44)was there dancing/flirting/with young lads until 3.30 a Sat Morning!!
I made my excuses and left with one of the other ladies who was hating this a much as me at 11.30, and we dont know, if we are just getting old/ grown up and expecting something more mature- or just jealous of the bday gril stamina to party till 3.30 AM!!!!
Would you hate this kind of night out at 47, and would prefer a meal, girls nite in etc, or am I just BU?

I'm with you OP, not my sort of thing, been there done that, outgrown it. If I go out with friends it is a meal and chat and home by 12. I certainly don't want to be the oldest swinger in town, in some trendy bar, surrounded by people young enough to be my children. I also could not justify spending lots of money on a big night out and dealing with the hangover the next day. For me age has made me consider these type of things, years ago I did not give a damn how much money I spent. Everyone is different though, my friend recently separated from her partner and is enjoying herself by going out with her teenage daughters to nightclubs.

It's not very grown-up (or classy, for that matter) to call a friend's idea of a good night out 'trashy', IMO.

I totally get that not everyone wants to go out clubbing/drinking/dancing/flirting, by the way. I haven't been in a club for years and my idea of excitement is getting a takeaway and having a new episode of The Good Wife to watch.

But rudely criticising the way your 'friend' wants to spend her nights out, and all those piling in to say her choice of social life is 'tragic', 'sad', sleazy' and it's OK 'once in a while', is just bloody nasty.

How on earth is it nasty to say that while you can understand a forty something woman going clubbing now and again, you think it's a bit sad or tragic for her to be out clubbing every weekend with people young enough to be her children.
It mightn't be a view you agree with OnlyLovers but that doesn't make it nasty. In the same way that some people think women in their forties wearing micro minis and hair extensions look 'sad' or 'mutton dressed as lamb'. It's an opinion and as long as it's not said to the person's face, it's not nasty.

I'm twenty nine for another month anyways and mum to four. I prefer staying in with friends drinking listening to music and chatting. I'm past the club scene and have been for a while. My DP is forty and still likes going to clubs. Each to their own

jazz, we'll have to agree to disagree. I DO think words like 'tragic', 'sad' and sleazy' used about someone's choice of social life, just because it's not your choice, are nasty.

I'm 33 and love going out dancing all night until dawn. I don't flirt or get drunk, I just love music and clubs. I don't think it's that outrageous.

I never enjoyed that sort of thing, even when I was the 'right' age for it. Drinks and dancing yes, but not in the sort of place you describe (it sounds a bit like the Sports Bar on Haymarket - is that place still there? Truly hideous!)

If your friends liked it then that's their prerogative. You know not to go next time!

I don't think it's an age thing. I stopped having those kinds of nights out in my early 20's. They just didn't appeal anymore.

My sister is in her early 50's and still loves going clubbing and partying until the small hours. She builds whole holidays around it which sound like my idea of hell tbh but each to their own.

I think the point though is that when they all meet up there is never any compromising on this. If there was the OP could go along on the nights that involve a meal out or a few quiet drinks and a chat - and opt out of the nights that involve clubbing til dawn.
But this other woman's attitude seems to be that if she wants to meet up it has to be on her terms. That would piss me off too.

Then why doesn't the OP simply not go? Sometimes friends move in different directions and grow to have less and less in common. It needn't be a big deal.

Absolutley nothing wrong with either sort of night out. Nought wrong with 3.30am! Find fruends who want to do quiet things.

Maybe that's her only option now Solid. But it does seem childish of some of the others to not be prepared to occasionally just go out for a meal or a drink for the sake of an old friendship. Regardless of whether you enjoy clubbing and flirting, it is sad and immature to refuse to see any other kind of night out as enjoyable also. That's definitely teenagerish behaviour.

Quiet things?

Oooh have you ever tried a silent disco, they're a hoot!

We do have very little left in common, but I still value the friendship of 25 years - any night out has to be on her terms only , doing her thing,either lying or not tellng me her plans to meet up with the youngs ones, etc, then expecting me to enjoy when we have said thats not what we want- its no biggie at all, and I wont be going out with some of these girls again!
PS. It was 9 month since I went the last time with them, same thing then, and had already explained, I wouldnt be coming if it was that kind of night, and was told, no, just our age, few quiet drinks, and chat and laugh, but lesson learnt- no more!!!!!!

I could merrily dance until 3:30, I have 4 DC and don't get to go out very often so being tucked up by 12 is a waste of a babysitter.
I have a couple of friends who I can go anywhere with and have a good time though. It's not where you are it is who your with I think.

The lying would piss me off

I got bored of clubbing at 22. I'm 40 now and couldn't think of anything worse than having to stay out dancing with the young 'uns. Yanbu!

Some posters on here think that if you dont want to go clubbing with teenagers, younger than your own kids, your boring, fuddy duddy, ? I probably look & act much younger than the majority of others my age, just dont wanna go clubbing!!!!

I wouldn't want to go clubbing with young uns either. I'm going clubbing on friday but the average age at this place ia 40. I'm driving and wont be outnlate.

Lying and tricking people into doing what you want is bloody childish. As is refusing to entertain the idea of occasionally opting for a quiet night of drinks and chatting. It's not the clubbing thing that makes her sound a bit sad and deeply immature, it's her whole general behaviour towards socialising and friendship. She sounds like someone who's never really grown up properly.

Well, if the question is whether you're being unreasonable to hate it - God no.

I'm 41 and would hate it. If my friends suggest going out for drinks, I expect a nice bar, maybe cocktails, share plates of food, etc. It doesn't bother me at all if they choose to, but there's no way on earth I'd hang around in the early hours of the morning at a club full of people young enough to be my children. Sounds shite.

mrssnodge, agree with everything you said!

This is the BIGG Market at Newcastle am talking about!!!! Notorious for kids, clubbing, fighting , whilst I was told, when offered the night out, we would be going to some of the numerous nicer pubs/bars in Newcastle. I didnt go, I left early rather go and be unhappy, just wanted some opinions and thanks to everyone who posted theirs!

Dear lord. I'd rather do anything that venture near the bigg market after dark. You can't even go to the cinema at the gate in the afternoon at the weekend because it's turned into a gauntlet of drunk idiots.