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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO Expect GROWN UP Girls night out!

133 replies

mrssnodge · 23/06/2014 10:39

I'm 47 and I have been friends with 'the girls' for over 25 years, all having grown up DC, and we still keep in touch and have nights out sometimes- When we were younger in our mid twenties, (all with small DC) we used to go out to weekly/fortnightly and go to busy bars, and maybe dance on dance floor a little and stay out until maybe midnight-
Once I hit 40, I really started to hate this, and would suggest a meal/pics/nite in etc, kind of thing, but was met with oh no, we are going dancing/flirting etc- bearing in mind we are all married / DP etc- so I started giving it a miss.
Anyway I was invited out for a birthday night out last Friday, was told a few drinks in her garden, then into town for drinks n chat etc, with my age group- mid to late forties- so AIBU hating the fact when we got to town, we had to meet up with their neices, and friends, who were all about 20, and went to bars with names as 'Popworld' all aimed at 18 yr olds, and the bday girl (44)was there dancing/flirting/with young lads until 3.30 a Sat Morning!!
I made my excuses and left with one of the other ladies who was hating this a much as me at 11.30, and we dont know, if we are just getting old/ grown up and expecting something more mature- or just jealous of the bday gril stamina to party till 3.30 AM!!!!
Would you hate this kind of night out at 47, and would prefer a meal, girls nite in etc, or am I just BU?

OP posts:
squoosh · 23/06/2014 11:23

I bet you're a great laugh on a night out Rhine. Sitting there clacking your knitting needles, purse lipped at 26 year old hussies who should know better, dancing.

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2014 11:23

Disgusting way to celebrate Birthday

TO Expect GROWN UP Girls night out!
squoosh · 23/06/2014 11:24

'I couldn't give two hoots about going out dancing but flirting with anyone young enough to be your child, particularly when you're married, is just sleazy - male or female.'

Yes, this I agree with.

ChelsyHandy · 23/06/2014 11:27

If you can't dance on your birthday, when can you enjoy yourself? It doesn't sound like the "flirting" was done with serious intent, it sounds like a bit of a laugh. If you had said they pulled someone on the dance floor, snogged them, had a bit of a grope and then went home with them, then yes, that's sleazy but a bit of dancing (and its hard not to flirt in a club) with your female friends - whats the problem?

Some people are obsessed by age and hence very old for their years. Maybe that's the issue, rather than people going dancing?

I hope your friend enjoyed her birthday.

gordyslovesheep · 23/06/2014 11:31

disgraceful

TO Expect GROWN UP Girls night out!
gordyslovesheep · 23/06/2014 11:32

oh and my mum and step dad celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary this year ...she is 68 ...he is 50 - you do the maths Grin

some younger men like older women - I guess some young women find that scary

CiderwithBuda · 23/06/2014 11:37

I love a night out - meal, wine and chat with good friends. But had a fab fun night recently where we ended up in a nightclub and at age 50 I have never had so much attention from thoroughly unsuitable young men! I loved it! I didn't flirt but did have a great time dancing. One guy dragged me up to the DJ to request Club Tropicana and admitted he hadn't been born when it was out!

But I wouldn't like to do it often. Good fun as a one off.

Original poster
mrssnodge · 23/06/2014 11:38

I can understand if this was just once and letting her hair down on her Birthday - but she does this every week!! goes out with her neice and their 20 yr old mates , to hen parties, weekends away, weekly nights out- etc, this is because most of our friends hate this kind of thing now and she has no one else to go out with- the things is, I was told, just 'us' ,our age group,, no 'young uns' , we wil have a few drinks n chat- and felt mislead- I have two DD and if I wanted to go out with with younger people I would out with them, but even my DD would hate this- she also has a 21 yr old DD, who would hate the fact to see her mother like this!!
My friend realy is a loverly caring person, and although it sounds like dissing her, I am concerened she is making a fool of herself a little bit!

OP posts:
ChelsyHandy · 23/06/2014 11:41

But she's not doing anything but talking to people she meets socially really is she? Where do you draw the line? Women over 45 must never go out in public other than to suitably quiet venues, such as cinemas? Or may they go with a male chaperone? Why would she be making a fool of herself if she doesn't actually misbehave but just by being in a place? Its not the Victorian era, we aren't ruled by the Taliban. Some people are just very sociable and like having fun.

Hullygully · 23/06/2014 11:42

That is HELL

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2014 11:45

You're really coming across as judgemental now I'm afraid OP

Fair enough, she shouldn't have mislead you

Fair enough, you don't enjoy that sort of night out

But your friend does and your 'concern' that she is making a fool of herself, makes you sound intolerant of the fact she has fun in a different way to you.

Just stick to the nights out you enjoy and let her do the same.

Spottybra · 23/06/2014 11:46

I'm more than a decade younger than you and hate it. Had had enough of clubbing at 26. But I did start at fifteen (in defense of my fifteen year old self I danced and loved being on the dance floor, it wasn't about the drinking).

Original poster
mrssnodge · 23/06/2014 11:49

No she is not doing anything wrong, as far as I know,, no kissing, touching, just dancing and flirting etc, the silly Michael jackson moves are fun if not a bit cringey, I realise we all like different things, just wondered what the norm at 47!?? Im certainly not exactly old, and love dressing up and going out etc, just a different kind of night maybe!

OP posts:
squoosh · 23/06/2014 11:52

Some people are just born party animals and will never lose their appetite for going out and having a wild time.

Tell her that the club thing isn't for you but you're happy to join her on lots of other types of nights out.

OnlyLovers · 23/06/2014 11:52

I think you're judging her massively.

If you don't like that sort of night out, fine, but she does and it's her life. As for her 'falling in drunk at 3.30', so what? Clearly her DH doesn't mind/judge. And maybe she told him in advance she'd be late home and/or texted him, so he wasn't worried or pissed off? But anyway, what on earth does it matter to you?

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2014 11:53

There is no norm really

Or if there is, your friend doesn't want to fit it.

My idea of a good night out is a meal and a drink at the local greyhound track

Last race is at 10.25pm so we're home before 10.45 Grin

BadgersBum · 23/06/2014 12:02

I'm 41 and also an 'in by midnight, slippers on' type, I'd much prefer to go somewhere and be able to catch up with my friends' lives without shouting over the top of some monotonous dance dirge, I've been this way since my early 20s. However, I have older friends who really go for it on nights out drinking, flirting and having fun. Having said that, the main culprit doesn't have children and can lie in bed, undisturbed, for the majority of the following day.

Bifauxnen · 23/06/2014 12:13
Original poster
mrssnodge · 23/06/2014 12:13

ONLYLovers - her behaviour does not matter to me as Im not normally there to see it!
its just that type of night is not my thing, I wasnt told it was that type of night, was told, only our age group and just a quiet chat, few drinks etc-- No big drama, no one got hurt, and she enjoyed her self whilst the rest of us oldies didnt, just wanted other opinions on what you all thought!!
She is a nice person, a good friend, and didnt not mean to be judgemental at all- but wont be going out to repeat this any time soon!

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 23/06/2014 12:18

anytime Bif Grin

Original poster
mrssnodge · 23/06/2014 12:30

I am being judgemental here, but why does a married woman of 44,with DD 21 and Ds 15 go out EVERY week with 20 yr olds, come home early hrs of sat morn,, stay in bed with hangover all day and why does her DH not mind???

OP posts:
squoosh · 23/06/2014 12:34

Maybe they have a shit marriage. Have you asked her?

Stinkle · 23/06/2014 12:35

I agree about the flirting

I've just had a weekend away at a music festival with my girlfriends (all married with kids). No flirting but we did get pissed, dance in a field and roll back to our tents at 3/4/5am.

It may be 'pathetic and tragic" Hmm but I had the time of my life

Couldn't do it every weekend mind you. Took me 3 days to get over the hangover and was still knackered and every bone ached until Saturday

CiderwithBuda · 23/06/2014 12:37

You are on Bif. But I need a few months to recover from last one! Grin

Actually - just remembered - I went out for lovely meal on Friday night with DH and two other couples. Fell off my high heels (twice!) Blush and now have a big graze on one knee and ankle and my shoulder aches. I didn't do that much damage on my clubbing night!

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2014 12:41

I am being judgemental here, but why does a married woman of 44,with DD 21 and Ds 15 go out EVERY week with 20 yr olds, come home early hrs of sat morn,, stay in bed with hangover all day and why does her DH not mind???

Dunno. She's your friend so just ask her if you feel you really need to know?