to not let dd make her communion?

[creamandsugar]

Dd has been accepted into the local primary school, very good reputation etc. It is a Catholic school. Our dc have all been baptised really just to please elderly gps as dh and I aren't religious and back then we didn't mind either way. Looking back I wish now we never did as I am so disgusted at everything to do with the priests and nuns that has come to light recently.
I am thinking of telling the school that our dd will not be doing religion.
I am afraid dd will feel left out if she doesn't make her communion.
Aibu?

Yes, I can see a look of people don't get Ireland. When my daughter was going to school there was no such thing as a secular school, they were forbidden.

She was taught for first communion at seven and for confirmation at eleven by teachers who were agnostics but who had to pretend to be Catholics, because as agnostics they would never have been allowed to teach in Ireland.

So, for all you Catholics out there who are outraged that some people take Catholicism less than seriously, it was your church that imposed this system in the first place.

Ahh - Ireland is a game hanger. Apologies OP - I retract my "YABU - remove your child" statement as it isn't appropriate and is harsh given that you probably have no choice other than Catholic.

I do stand by my let your DD choose. When I had my FHC, one child refused and requested if they could possibly have it later which was fine. Just talk to her and see how she feels - cross that bridge when it appears.

I'll tell you a story that I suspect people here will find astonishing. But it happened last year.

A friend of mine in Ireland was CoI. But of course the only school in the community was Catholic, as is customary. The kid was going into 1st Class and the other children already started getting excited about their big day later in the year. There were several nationalities in the class, but my friends child was the only one not Catholic. My friend started to realise with a gulp that her very sensitive girl was not going to take it well if she was effectively the odd one out. She also started to realise that the fanfare was gonna be not only the week of the Communion, but the week after, as all the kids rehashed it endlessly.

So she went to the Head and asked if she could take DD out of school for that week and take her somewhere on holiday, just to avoid all the excitement.

The Head said of course, but have you thought about including her anyway? He suggested that she borrow a dress, allow her to do all the singing classes, and let her sit with all the kids on the day, and have a party in the house afterwards. But she could avoid all the Religious instruction, and obviously stay in her seat during the actual "receiving the host" bit.

So that what they did! And the kid had a ball. A fake Communion! In Ireland Communions everyone seemed to think this eminently sensible. But I suspect in England people would be writing into the Daily Mail about it.

I hasten to add that the kid knew full well she hadn't "made" her Communion. But she didn't care, she just wanted to have the same day as her friends.

Yes, OP, you should have said you were in Ireland. I am in Ireland and I somehow knew you were too as I detected a very Irish angst there.

As I said upthread, people are forced to be hypocrites in Ireland. They really have no choice. ETs are massively oversubscribed. My dc2 was number s175 for the year I put him down. They take 60 each year. So, they turned away at least 115 including my dc2

Those numbers suggest that about half of the children in this area had their name down for ET, but less than a quarter got their first choice.

so hypocrisy isn't a fair accusation really.

annarose I have heard of something very similar ! C of I joining in without the actual sacrament taking place

A fake communion!!!

I can imagine some people would hate to see the sarrrrrrcrements taken so flippantly. I always battle an eye-roll when I hear the word sacrament. I hate that word. ANd the pious articles who say it.

They only take 60 each year?? makes mental note to apply for an ET from Day 1 of childs life

My brothers have actually been at a first communion mass today, according to big bro, who is a seminarian (trainee priest) the churches are expected to do most of the prep for first communion outside of school to stop children doing their first communion just to fit in or because they feel pressured, he says that the majority of priests don't want to have children join in who don't fully believe in it as it dilutes what is actually a very important thing for Catholic children.

Of the 60 children from the local Catholic school that could have taken their first communion today, there were 43 (Catholic school's not even the only option here but the best academically and socially by a very long way). Big bro is very happy about this, as it means that the only children doing first communion this year were ones that actually attend church, Its a rant I've been treated to every year since he felt the calling (when he was 7 and I was 6) but basically it really offends big bro that people don't respect the sacraments enough to see that doing it because its the done thing is wrong.

Little bros (11 and 14) were both disgusted anyone would even consider letting a child do first communion just because it's the done thing.

I'm disgusted that I was stupid enough to have this conversation with them, you'd think i would of learned by now.

I'm religious from England. Fake sacraments doesn't really bother me in a one or two in a class context. Mainly as I think it's the child's choice, it's good they appreciate the learning even if decide it's not for them, respect other traditions sort of way.

But I seem to be a modern Christian. No hellfire with me. Should clone me ;)

It seems a bit odd to force someone to be a religion. Just because you stick a kid in a white dress and shove a wafer in their mouth doesn't mean they believe in the faith. I went to a Catholic school here in the US and we had kids of different faiths here because kids kept bringing weapons and drugs into the local public schools. They had to learn about the sacraments and what they were but didn't have to participate in them on the actual day. I'm pretty sure it was a weekend though so they weren't forced to attend because we had a BBQ and watergun fight after mine.

ApocalypseThen

Do you live in Ireland? We have done the only thing that is available to us locally and that is to contact Educate Together and the Dep of Education.

Yes,.perhaps that should have been my first sentence . I'm Irish. Living in Ireland. Religion was completely forced on me up until I was confirmed ,when my poor exhausted parents got tired of my protests And said I didn't have to go to mass anymore!
I suppose I haven't been a practicing Catholic for years now but since the whole Starting school talk has started I've really started to wonder about the whole religious side of this school.
This school really is our only option. I think I should let her decide when the time comes. But then I think and know if we have to bring her to mass etc on the run up to communion I would be a hypocrite.

I would send my child to whichever would provide the best education, and opt out of religious stuff if it was going to be an overwhelming amount, otherwise I'd just let DC decide what they wanted to believe.

it really offends big bro that people don't respect the sacraments enough to see that doing it because its the done thing is wrong.

If you don't believe it though, it isn't wrong and it won't worry you to do it anyway, similar to throwing a penny in a wishing well - won't do any good but there's no harm in it.

I'm irish so know where you're coming from. Of course you should send your child to the nearest national school of your choice, it's funded by the state, the church is there in name only and even though I'm a catholic I hope this changes soon.
Speak to the principal, you're not going to be the first parent in these circumstances. Make it clear to your child from day one that she won't be making fhc when the rest of the class are. It's a lot more common now.
I think it would be very unreasonable to let her make her fhc to stop her been left out, I can't understand this mindset. No way would I allow my child to take part in any religious ceremony which she will not be practising.

I'm Irish, my children go to our local gaelscoil, so not only Catholic, but Irish speaking. My children will not be making any of the sacraments and they are not the only ones. Out of a class of 29, 6 that I know of so far will not be making their Communion next year. Just do what suits you and your family. The school have to deal with it and they can't force anyone to partake in anything that they don't want to for whatever reason.

Going to speak to the principal. See what they say
It really is getting more and more common. In my day it was unheard of!!
Thanks everyone for replies!!

Annarose, the one near me only had two classes per year, but other ETs might take in more than two classes per year.

Please don't send your children unless you fully believe in a catholic upbringing. My husband and I are non practising Catholics, both went to catholic schools, holy comm, confirmed, married in Church, baptised our boys, church for Easter, christmas etc.

But 4 years into primary education of a catholic school, we regret sending them. Nearly 1/3 of their day is spent reciting prayers, hymns, writing prayers, RE studies, practising for the weekly assembly.

We've become so sick of the stories of children going to hell for lying, men have to be become priests if they don't marry and just the general old fashioned uptight attitudes towards marriage and relationships that we've decided to take them out at the end of the term.

My point is unless your fully committed neither you or your child will be happy.

First of all if you feel like that I think you should change school. In dds school Out of two classes only about 6 are making their communion so it's no big deal and if your in england communion isn't done through the school anyway.

There are only 58 to 60 primary schools in Ireland that operate under the educate together model and are non denominational.
So there is not a lot of choice over here...its either COI or RC primary school unless you happen to live beside one of these rare schools.
In my local area we had around 30+ ROI(2 gaelscoils) schools and 2 COI ones.Its only in the last year that one of the COI schools is changing over to an educate together and that was due to a drop in student numbers. And i live in the largest town in the county.

I would let her do her communion is she's interested.Wait until that year and ask her.Also love the idea of a fake communion that someone mentioned above!That is the definition of inclusion in ecumenical matters in my head.

Im Irish.I did my communion and confirmation in school.I have been a firm agnostic since around the age of 11!and had years of arguments before my parents stopped insisting on dragging me to mass.....but I would still do my communion and confirmation.They were brilliant family days with interesting moral lessons behind them...and all that money was an added bonus :P

I would speak to the principle though.They may have a solution for you and you are unlikely to be the only person in this situation.

You may find that with the way things are now that many of the supposed catholic children attending the school will not be making their communions as they are not being brought up in the faith.I know loads of people,including own brother, who baptisted their children to ensure the "good" school of choice would not be an issue. In my nieces case the child will decide if they want to do communion or not when it becomes an issue.I cant see her turning down a day to play princess personally.

Op getting a lot of grief because she is not religious and sending dd to catholic school, have to chime in that sometimes there isn't an option. In my town there are 4 schools all Christian and I don't drive, I don't object to religious teachings but I have seen kids whose parents have asked for them to be left out of religious teaching and we thought it was quite weird until old enough to understand.

I think the churches have it pretty good in that they can make a fairly limited financial contribution to the school's running (which is mostly paid for by taxes) and yet they get to call all the shots on admissions and have a large influence on the school's ethos, teaching of RS, assemblies etc.

My DC go to our local faith school because it's the best school for them and we were fortunate to gain a place. I think it's fair enough for parents to make choices for their DC based on such criteria.

Fair enough I know that some of the churches originally set up schools and may have owned the land in some cases, but I still feel that they are doing quite well to maintain the status quo into the 21st century quite largely un-questioned. Though not always here on MN obviously!