to not let dd make her communion?

[creamandsugar]

Dd has been accepted into the local primary school, very good reputation etc. It is a Catholic school. Our dc have all been baptised really just to please elderly gps as dh and I aren't religious and back then we didn't mind either way. Looking back I wish now we never did as I am so disgusted at everything to do with the priests and nuns that has come to light recently.
I am thinking of telling the school that our dd will not be doing religion.
I am afraid dd will feel left out if she doesn't make her communion.
Aibu?

I find your attitude truly annoying. You had dc baptised because it was the thing to do? Faith schools are exactly what they say in other words you and your child will be expected to accept the religious teachings of the school. It is up to you whether your child makes her holy communion. If you do decide to go ahead you can come on mn in a few years time and complain that you only did it because every one else was doing it. If Catholicism is so disgusting to you please avail yourself of the state school

I went to catholic school. Albeit 20-30 years ago lol. Not everyone at school was catholic which is still the case now I believe. I know my friends kids have friends of other religions from school. Those kids didn't do communion or confirmation.

I did my communion. I knew by the time of confirmation at 14 I no longer wanted to be part of the religion. It boils my piss that the Catholic church count their numbers from baptism records so still count me in their numbers and excommunicating yourself is impossible. But hey ho thats a whole other topic lol.

What I am trying to say is even if she does her confirmation, she went necessarily believe in the religion down the line. I did love doing my communion. I've been to mass several times in adulthood and would never take communion again. Last time was in ireland at a traditional irish church in gaelic.

If Catholicism is so disgusting to you please avail yourself of the state school...

Good job reading Muskey! Really substantive addition to the discussion.

It could very well be the case that in a year of up to 60 children from three different classes, she is the only one not having her communion.

Communions take huge amounts of prep - I was at one in Dublin recently and the kids had learnt about 6 new songs specially. They had had tons of lessons about Jesus, and love, and togtherness, and the whole sermon was about how God would always love them no matter how lonely they got and no matter how down in the dumps they were and no matter how badly school was going and all that hippy stuff. And all the kids LOVED it, and we so giggly and excited. They had little hand gestures to all the songs, and had responses they had to roar say.

It struck me that all that prep must've taken hours over the previous few months.

The boys were all showing off their very first grown up suits and the gel in their hair, and the girls were all preening in their shiny dresses and they'd all slept in rollers which was thrilling - it had zero to do with religion in their minds of course - it was basically the best party ever for the whole class. And they get presents! Money!!!! You could see their greedy little eyes light up!

And after the Mass all the family, complete with both sets of grandparents get to go to a hotel for a fancy lunch, and the kid eats their chicken nuggets and chips in their outfit and beams at everyone like they're royalty.

So think long and hard about what you'd be doing. It might be pretty upsetting to your kid if she's left out.

Communion does not have zero to do with religion in the eyes of the children. What a ridiculous thing to say.

Annarose, did you have yours as a child?

Yes I had a dress and some presents but it was a deeply religious experience for me and for my little friends. At that age, angels, saints, Jesus--it's all dreadfully intense and real. I felt like an entirely different person after I'd taken communion. I'd eaten magic Jesus bread!

I might have got some money but the present I remember most was a missal from my aunt, which I kept in a special little bag for mass.

So if the child isn't Catholic she's supposed to fake her way through first communion to get presents? No.

Muskey Catholic schools ARE the state schools in Ireland. RTFT.

Yep, I had mine as a child. And perhaps I'm more shallow but it was the dress and the presents for me. And for the child who's Communion I was recently at.

And even if it was a big religious deal for some kids, does that mean it stays that way? That they turn out bible thumpers much to their atheist parents horror? Of course not - the teenage years come and people are influenced by a myriad of other things.

So if the child isn't Catholic she's supposed to fake her way through first communion to get presents? No.

The child IS Catholic - she was baptised. And if she is going to a Catholic school, pretty sure she's gonna know it.

Perhaps not, but parents can (and do) set up their own schools. Educate Together would help with it.

Oh well there you are then problem solved

If you don't have time to set up your own school (although I can't imagine who wouldn't) I'd just tell the school you want to opt out.

Seems very unfair that the only viable school is religious but that's the case a lot. YANBU

Please do not make your daughter do her First Holy Communion.

If she asks of her own bat, then explain your thinking, and if she still wants to do it for her then cross that bridge when you come to it.

I'm a catechist in the UK, so possibly different to the Dublin ones. The scenario AnnaRose describes doesn't fit with what happens here for the most part.

It's a lot of preparation; that is true. We have the children do a class a month for 10 months. Between times, there's an expectation that they go to mass and learn from the community and their parents. In situations where the grandparent is leading the charge (and this does happen), the grandparent brings the child to church and does the homework with them.

We know which children/families are not interested, and discussions are had with parents about the benefit of waiting a year or two. The priest makes the final decision about whether they may receive the sacrament.

For what it's worth, my children go to a Catholic school in the UK, so there very much IS the choice for the parents who go there. They still don't all do their Communion at exactly the same time as their peers. Given that you are at a school where there's no choice about going, I very much doubt you will be completely alone.

She's about as Catholic as I am now, lol.

If her parents aren't Catholic, she's gonna know it.

I would keep her out of it (and find a good secular school). "We're not practicing Catholics in this house so it's not right to go through a Catholic ceremony. If you decide to go through the sacrament when you're [16?] then we'll support you."

Meaning that they'll respect her decision as an adult--not that they'll then convert!

There was an article about this in the Irish Times a couple of weeks OP. First Communion in Ireland has been such a rite of passage for generations that many parents who don't practice are still hesitant about stopping their child from making theirs. Similar I suppose to Jewish kids are bar/bat mitzvahs, often a cultural rite as well as a religious one.

I hope Educate Together schools keep growing in popularity.

There are other schools here though. I bet there is an Educate Together nearby?

And the stuff about the priest came to light a long time agi. Do you live under a rock?

I can guarantee there are no priests teaching at your school or nuns.

And if there were,should they be blamed for what others did?

Its no big deal not to do communion. They only practise in the weeks coming up to it and the teacher can find jobs for her, something they do at our school.

You have to be confirmed to take communion.

I went to a Catholic School as my mum worked there.
I wasn't the only child there who had not been confirmed (and wasn't Catholic) and therefore did not take communion.
Instead you cross your arms and bow your head slightly when it is your turn, and the Priest gives you a blessing.

Not a big deal. But if you feel really strongly about religion, I suggest an independent school.

No, communion (age 7/8) comes before confirmation (age 11/12) in Catholicism.

Unless things have dramatically changed you don't just randomly "do communion".
The school will hold masses, normally for occasions, and daily/weekly "Acts of Worship" which are essentially Assemblies but with a prayer at the beginning or end.

Removing a child from Mass would have more of a negative impact then having them attend, instead they can just sit as they would in assembly and take a blessing, as I said above.

If you are so outraged by the idea of religion DO NOT SEND YOUR CHILD TO A RELIGIOUS SCHOOL.

If you are ambivalent - like my parents were, and I am now too - then it is not an issue.

squoosh - my apologies, I didn't realise that. I was under the impression that you only took communion (as in the body and blood of christ at Mass) after you were confirmed. Before that it was a blessing.
My Catholic School experience was secondary school and a few years ago so I'm fuzzy!

There is a plan for communions in ireland now. Six masses. All on a sat night so people not making their communion dont go. You prepare kn school maybe once a week, a little more closer to the time, again jobs can be found for the kids. My son just made his communion. 4 out of 13 didnt. It was no big deal.

This drives me mad about Ireland - for all of you still saying don't send the child to a catholic school please understand that for some there are NO OTHER OPTIONS! The only other schools near us apart from catholic schools are....wait for it....protestant schools. So still a faith school. There is one being set up about 40 miles away though I hear that will be educate together. But you know....40 miles.

I was brought up catholic but if DH and I have children I don't want them to be catholic. This still means that they have to go to a catholic state school which is maddening.

There is one being set up about 40 miles away though I hear that will be educate together. But you know....40 miles.

It is possible to set one up yourself if you feel that strongly. People do, that's how they happen. If you're not willing to act yourself, do you really feel that strongly?

My ds chose to change schools to a Catholic school. We aren't catholic and I disagree with some Catholic ideas. He's not interested in religion. I told him that as he had been accepted into the school then he had to take part fully in all aspects including the religious aspect and attending Mass etc. I would have said the same if it was an Islamic school or whatever religion. He has done this and it has been another aspect of his general education.

My DCs are in a catholic school, mainly because it was the only good school where I could get a space when we moved here. My older son is in yr 2 and there are quite a few of them that didn't take their first holy communion.

My son didn't, obviously, because we aren't catholic. We did support those that did take it by going to mass today. My younger son really enjoys the religious teachings.

AnnaRose exactly described my communion, and the communions of most of my friends in Ireland.

I think that though it seems counterintuitive, in England Catholicism is taken much more seriously than in modern Ireland. In modern Ireland mostly everyone is catholic, so the state schools are mostly catholic, and mostly everyone has a communion, and it's much much less of a 'I am a member of a particular religious group here are my beliefs' and much much more of a 'this is what people do'. It's really not taken as being a big deal.

Such a rite of passage that my children never even noticed it as it went passed them.

My dc1 is going to a catholic secondary school and I've just told her that she may here some things that sound strange or hard to believe but just to quietly hold on to the certainty that she doesn't have to feel bad about not believing it, but to remain a respectful silence. SHe'd walked off before I finished that little speech mind you.