to not let dd make her communion?

[creamandsugar]

Dd has been accepted into the local primary school, very good reputation etc. It is a Catholic school. Our dc have all been baptised really just to please elderly gps as dh and I aren't religious and back then we didn't mind either way. Looking back I wish now we never did as I am so disgusted at everything to do with the priests and nuns that has come to light recently.
I am thinking of telling the school that our dd will not be doing religion.
I am afraid dd will feel left out if she doesn't make her communion.
Aibu?

Is the school in an area where it fills up under the looked after children and Catholics criteria? If so, your DD will stand out like a sore thumb. If it is in an area with a smaller Catholic population then a third or more of her class won't be doing it either so it's not an issue.

Faith schools have to often accept children who do not practise their particular faith. You do not have to be a Catholic to go to a Catholic school and you do not have to attend church regularly to go to a Church of England school.

The faith schools that have a good reputation simply follow a particular ethos of learning, responsibility, caring and good behaviour. Religion is not rammed down the pupils' throats and the pupils turn out to be delightful people.

So, does everybody in the UK have the choice, RC, CofE, non-faith.. all nearby? wow.

YABU - if you don't like the religion and it means nothing to you, remove your child so another child whose family does can take her place. If you decide to keep DD's place, holy communion isn't until children are @8/9years. Let your DD decide.

And don't mar all catholic priests/nuns with the same brush. Yes - there are severe and disgraceful events and experiences which need to be addressed and prosecuted, but just because you take holy orders, doesn't mean your a deviant. Try labelling another entire religion with a sweeping generalisation and see the back lash.

There isn't actually 'non faith' as even schools that don't have C of E or Catholic in the name are still supposed to provide 'broadly Christian' collective worship.

If you think it is so hypocritical then dont send your child, I know a few non catholics who send their children to the rc school and the kids dont take part in masses or anything I dont understand it,

Don't send her if you are disgusted. You are signing yourself up for 7 years of prayers in the morning, grace before and after meals and prayers at the end of the day. Classrooms will have an altar and a crucifix. She will be taught to bless herself and the Catholic liturgy. The priest will visit and they will all be taken to Mass.

Don't like the mince? Change the butcher.

I'm not sure I understand how you can avoid sending dc to a religious school if that is all there is locally though? In the village I live there is a Catholic school and a C of E school? I practise neither so I went with the school she knew other children at? I am surprised so many of you have such a choice locally!

Your taxes help fund the school regardless of faith. Send you child where you like, and if you're not haappy with certain practices, then feel free to exclude your child from them.

After all, the faith school in question is more than happy to accept funding from any old tax payer, irrespective of whatever religion they may or may not follow.

I'm not Catholic but my DD will be brought up Catholic by DH. I'm not too bothered about it, but if you really feel 'disgusted' YABU to send her there. It's full on and she will feel excluded if she doesn't take part in everything for the next few years.

My little SIL (she's 6) came home from Catholic school saying that God is very clever, he gave her toes and teeth to help her remember the 't' and a nose to help her write a 'n'. I'm happy enough to say nothing, but if you can't stand it, send her somewhere else.

Apologising if I came across as tarring all priests and nuns with the same brush, didn't mean for it to sound that way. Tried in vain to edit post but can't figure that out [blush
I am writing from Ireland and the next nearest non religious school is an hour's drive, between dh work and other dc we couldn't make that work..

I think that avoiding all religious activities in a catholic school would be very difficult. It will be included in nearly everything they do. Your child may miss out on a lot.

Different story in Ireland. Lots of children don't partake in religion these days, OP. Don't worry about it. Plan a fun family day out for the Non-Communion Day.

Could you speak to the head teacher and express your concerns. Where I am non Catholics do attend RC schools and withdraw during religious instruction. It seems to work.

I don't believe in sectarian religious schools. But if you do send your child to one what on earth is the point if you are opting out anyway.

Oh for goodness sake people are making heavy work of this. I Am catholic and went to catholic schools, there are always some children who aren't catholic no big deal. Tell the school the truth, you have had a crisis of faith due to the recent goings on in the church and your daughter will not be making her communion at this time. I would only go through the upheaval of changing school if you find your daughter is unhappy at school. You will just have to wait and see.

Tbh I wouldn't feel comfortable sending my child to a school which is explicitly from a faith I don't adhere to.

DD2 is HE and I was told about a lovely small school which opens its doors to HE kids one per week. It sounded great until I looked at the school website and realised it is a Krishnamurti school. I don't agree with Krishnamurti teachings so I won't be taking her to the HE days even though elements of it would be quite lovely.

Tbh I wouldn't feel comfortable sending my child to a school which is explicitly from a faith I don't adhere to.

OP is in Ireland, where such luxuries as parental choice don't exist to the same extent.

Believe me I am not fan of The Catholic Church and would never send my child to any faith school BUT taking religion out of it just imagine how your DD will feel when everyone else is doing their Communion.
We have a few catholic friends and it's really a big deal, they plan dresses, shoes etc, have Lots of shopping trips, hair etc etc. it's all they talked about for a while and they had parties afterwards too.
How will your child feel when all that is going on and she won't be joining in? Maybe there will be other children not doing it as well but I know my DD would be upset listening to all her friends talk about this big event she's not part of.
I appreciate that might seem shallow and there is a lot more to Communion than dresses and parties but possibly not for a 7/8 year old.
Either join in or find another school.

Well - just because she takes communion doesn't mean she will be a practising Catholic in later life, nor does going to a Catholic school, to be fair.

I think not letting her take it will make her feel left out. Will the school accept her without taking it?

I know in mainland UK faith schools do have to take a certain percentage of children not of that faith but not sure what the law is for N.I or S.I.

Very few non religious schools in Ireland. It's common now to opt out of religion if you want to OP.

I think it's up to your dd OP.
She should be old enough to make up her own mind, and to be frank, it's none of your business what religion she is.

You may have reservations about the Catholic Church, especially in the light of the Tuam disgrace, etc etc....(the list goes on doesn't it) but whether your dd chooses to follow a catholic faith is none of your business.

Fwiw, I'm in Ireland, and our local school is catholic, but my dcs CHOSE not to do their communion themselves.

Be prepared for the back stabbing from the mums who think you're "up yourselves", or worse still, Atheists!

UK posters, schools in Ireland are predominantly faith based and 90% of them are RC, so no choice is available- there is simply no other option other than a faith based school.

It's a completely different story to the uk where you have non denominational and multi denominational state schools.

All the state schools are faith based, which is the cause of much resentment, considering they are tax funded, but that's a whole other thread.

OP you are in Ireland which puts a hugely different slant on the matter. 99% of schools are Catholic schools. Options for a non denominational education are far and few between.

I understand your dilemma. It will be very hard to explain to your daughter why she can't make her communion when all her friends will. So I'd be inclined to let her make her own decision.

On the other hand I'm pleased when I hear of children not making their communion as it is another step away from Catholicism being centre stage in Irish life.

I am a Catholic.

If you were to send your child to the school to fulfil the wishes of your grandparents, then your child should make their first communion and take an active part. If in later life they ask about your beliefs, you can say that unlike their grandparents you are not church going people, but chose the school because of your thoughts for them.