To be really upset about sister's boyfriend making other plans after agreeing to babysit for me?

[extremepie]

My sister and I have some mutual friends (a couple) who live fairly close to me. They are also close friends of her boyfriend.

My birthday is coming up and I had planned to go on a night out with my sister and some other friends as I haven't been out with my sister at all in the last year - she is my only family in this part of the country and I don't have many friends so I have had no one else to babysit for me except her so when I do go out she is always the one to babysit!

I had asked if there was any chance her boyfriend could babysit for me on the night of my birthday so that, for once, we could go out together. She and him had had many discussions about this and as far as I was as aware he had agreed.

I have been invited to said mutual friend's birthday party which just so happens to be being held on my birthday and sisters boyfriend has agreed to go. So obviously he isn't planning on babysitting for me and wasn't planning to tell me he had a better offer!

I'm now really upset as if my sister agrees to go to this party I will have no babysitter at all and will be sitting at home on my own on my birthday. If she doesn't go, she is sitting at home on my birthday, missing out on both parties and I will have to go out without her!

Just really upset as my birthday last year totally sucked, ExH didn't even bother to make any effort for it, didn't get me a present, didn't even let me have a lie in and take the kids to school which was literally the only thing I had asked for. All the friends I had arranged to go out with on the day bailed out on me and the only person who did turn up went home early :(

After a really shitty year I was really hoping to have a good celebration for my birthday this year and now it's all gone tits up.

Aibu to be upset? I know sister's bf is perfectly within his rights to attend his friend's birthday but he had already agreed to babysit for me! He knows how difficult things are for me regarding childcare so he knows I will have no other option if he says no except my sister - either that or stay at home and do nothing for my birthday :(

Extreme, I feel so sorry for you and totally get where you're coming from. I do hope you're able to find someone to babysit from you. Some of these posters should be ashamed of themselves, talk about kicking someone when they're down

Oh bless you, extremepie. People have been really harsh. I understand where you're coming from re people not caring enough to help out. Neither my family or dh family have any interest in our children whatsoever. Recently I had to go to hospital suddenly and there was literally nobody willing to look after my dd - dh who works an hour away had to rush back. Our families live nearby. I know everyone on mnet will say you shouldn't expect others to look after your dc - their yours, you chose to have them so suck it up. But it hurts doesn't it extreme to think that nobody cares enough to put themselves out for one night a year. I'm a sahm too and can understand why you want to dress up and go out and be you for a while. We love our dc but sometimes it's nice to be you and not just mum.

Please ditch your boyfriend though extreme, you're obviously already feeling fragile after an awful year and he is only going to make you feel more insecure and vulnerable. You want to be moving onwards and upwards from here and looking forward to a happy future. You won't feel like that with him. Trust me. And you shouldn't feel grateful to him. You have every chance of finding someone who will love and cherish and respect you and make you feel good. But I really think from reading your posts that you need some time on your own to be happy in your skin, to learn to love amd cherish yourself. Only then will you meet someone worthy of your love. I know being alone sounds daunting but this guy will ruin your already fragile self esteem.

As for your bday, I've learnt over the yrs to compromise and make the best of when I have free time. if I was youiI'd treat the Friday day as your time to spoil yourself - buy yourself a magazine/dvd/book, a new nail polish and face pack, your fave chocolate and a pizza and spoil yourself all day. no housework. If you can afford it get a massage or a haircut or take yourself off clothes shopping and for lunch. I know it's not what you want but if you give yourself time to come aroind to the idea, you will. Could.your dsis take the fri off worl and have a pamper day together?

Remember, this is one day of the year. and you have many, many bdays to come. my advice would be to stop focusing on this one day and look to improving your life and happiness overall, starting by ditching your idiot boyfriend.

Good luck with everything

extreme I think you've clung to this birthday treat as a bright spot in a horrendously shitty time.

But try not to make it that big a deal or the disappointment will be worse.

I don't blame you for wanting to let off steam and seriously, ignore the puritans who don't think you should get a bit drunk on your one and only night out!

I still think that if you can't get a sitter, you should organise another night with your sister.

But please, PLEASE, don't settle for your absolute twat of a boyfriend because he seems slightly less of a twat than your ex.

You really have had a bad time of it in the past year, much more than is apparent at the start of the thread, I agree with MissDuke saying you sound so isolated. Wanting to go out on your birthday is just wanting to spend some time with other people, a bit of escapism.

Did the dad from school that you mentioned actually go through with what was on his mind? If he did, have you talked to anyone in RL about that?

It's OK to feel sorry for yourself/down in the dumps sometimes, but you have to notice if it's getting out of control and more than just sometimes. Is that happening do you think?

Agree totally with Maryz. Sometimes reading AIBU threads make me feel sick to the stomach. It's quite obvious they are feeding grounds for bullies.
YANBU OP. He agreed to babysit and it is very disappointing that he seems to a have made other plans. You have had an absolute shit time and I really feel for you.
Hope you manage to have a happy birthday. Maybe have your sister over for a night in on the Sat night and go on a big night out the following week? And get rid of the bf he sounds like a dick

Yes he did Agent :(

i have talked to my sister and bf and have reported it, am in the process of going to court for it :/

Sometimes I do feel like I'm getting a bit out of control but it comes and goes, sometimes I feel fine so its difficult to seek help because its only some of the time i feel really down.

Oh extreme, that's bloody awful :(

I do tend to agree though, if your current BF isn't bringing more positives into your life than stresses, then maybe you should just lose him, even though it would leave you on your own - since he won't babysit for you at any point anyway, you'd still have to find alternative arrangements for going out and meeting new people.

Although it sounds like your confidence has been horribly knocked in the last year (and who can blame you for that!) do you still have enough to go out to something like an evening class and meet new people that way?

I also can't believe some of the knobbish comments you have had on here extreme.

We haven't got any family to babysit but found a lady at the nursery, to be honest it's quite expensive so we can hardly ever do it, but it makes me feel better to know we have the option.

Have you looked at that online one, is it sitters.co.uk? They are all CRB checked etc I think, if you have someone once or twice you can build a bit if confidence in them maybe.

My sitter told me she dosent mind at all if they are awake as she Iikes the company.

Ignore the nasty comments. There is nothing wrong with wanting to go out and have a break and celebrate your birthday.

I was hoping I'd read it wrong

Well that in itself is likely to cause huge amounts of stress/distress, not just the thing itself but all the after effects on you generally as well as the bits that go with taking it to court.

I would say to 'measure' how it's (that bit and your ex/friends) affecting you (whether you take the step to get help from the doctor etc) by how it is on your bad days. Most people, even when they're going through a rough patch, have ups and downs, but the downs you can have can stretch you to breaking point.

And that's the bottom line isn't it, the whole package of what's gone on in the last year is a problem for you. You getting help on how to deal with these things has got to have a knock on effect for those lovely lads of yours. Not that I'm saying you're letting this affect them in any way, but it'll do them no good if you go further than you already are when you actually sound at the end of your tether.

OP, you've said lots of times that nobody cares about you. That shouldn't be something that anyone in a relationship should say! If you feel your BF doesn't care for you, he needs to get the boot.

So glad I read this before I posted my own thread...

Single parent for 10yrs, one child with ASD & just been through sleep clinic process so bedtimes really precious.

I can't go out - not just the money for a babysitter the impact on son can be increased anxiety which impacts at home & school.

Turning that around is little steps... Like layers on an onion and the final steps being the practicalities of getting out the door.

The fact Extremepie is able to contemplate this hadn't happened by bloody magic - she has worked hard in building up her children & the relationships that support them.

The friend cancelling is devastating

I planned to go out in Feb - all arranged then there was a long waited appointment that came through for son on same day. Very stressful day for him so I cancelled my meal with 10 friends I had yearned and been working towards for ages. Utterly devastating and not managed to rearrange yet due to circumstances and sorting out sleep.

People don't understand a) the background work that goes into even being able to think about it and b) how much you miss that freedom.

I was going to post and ask for support because I feel a bit tired of it all at the moment but having read the responses on here I am actually not strong enough to take a pasting

Happy Birthday OP I hope you have a lovely day - I think you have come a long way this year by the sounds of it

for you too Doris - I think if you posted elsewhere than AIBU you'd get a better response than poor extreme has had here, this particular board attracts a certain type of harsh poster sometimes. But I can completely see why you wouldn't want to bother now!

extreme your name rang a bell and now I remember the shit you were dealing with .

Are you in the SW? I'd babysit for you. I have 2 under 5s and I know how sometimes you just need some time for yourself. I'm CRB checked

it really sucks doesn't it Doris :( I hope you manage to get something sorted :)

I am in the Sw! I'm in Cornwall :D

I know my bf does care about me a lot its just I feel like he doesn't care about me enough to take on my kids and commit to them as well as me. If he is in my life he has some kind of relationship with them whether he wants one or not and I don't want them growing up with another father figure who can't really be bothered with them. Their own father barely bothers with them and I don't want to put them through that again.

OP, I have no experience of useless dads or ASD, but I do have experience of doing a long distance move away from friends and family. Your emotional well being will improve hugely when you make more friends. You have a lot on your plate, and the more friendly faces there are to share that with the better. Unfortunately it does take time, but hang in there.
Are you someone who can make the first move in trying to establish friendships?

Oh I'm near Bristol so probably too far. I completely understand about the relationship too. I hope things get better for you x

Yeah maybe a little too far but thank you so much for the offer :)

I always did think of myself as a very friendly person who is approachable and makes friends easily but all the other mums and dads at the school seem quite....cliquey? They all seem to know each other and as I only moved to the area 2 years ago, and have only really been around properly for the last year or so as before that I was working all the time so I dont really know how to make friends with them :/

All my previous work colleagues live quite far away so I never see them anymore :(

What about mn local extreme? There could be like minded mums and mums with asd dc, you could take it in turns to babysit for one another once you've got to know eachother.

Brilliant idea about MN local. How about putting a post up saying you're new to the area and does anyone want to meet for a hello?

If I were near you I'd love to make a new chum!

What about mn local extreme? There could be like minded mums and mums with asd dc, you could take it in turns to babysit for one another once you've got to know eachother.

What about mn local extreme? There could be like minded mums and mums with asd dc, you could take it in turns to babysit for one another once you've got to know eachother.

What about mn local extreme? There could be like minded mums and mums with asd dc, you could take it in turns to babysit for one another once you've got to know eachother.