Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset about sister's boyfriend making other plans after agreeing to babysit for me?

147 replies

extremepie · 20/06/2014 22:12

My sister and I have some mutual friends (a couple) who live fairly close to me. They are also close friends of her boyfriend.

My birthday is coming up and I had planned to go on a night out with my sister and some other friends as I haven't been out with my sister at all in the last year - she is my only family in this part of the country and I don't have many friends so I have had no one else to babysit for me except her so when I do go out she is always the one to babysit!

I had asked if there was any chance her boyfriend could babysit for me on the night of my birthday so that, for once, we could go out together. She and him had had many discussions about this and as far as I was as aware he had agreed.

I have been invited to said mutual friend's birthday party which just so happens to be being held on my birthday and sisters boyfriend has agreed to go. So obviously he isn't planning on babysitting for me and wasn't planning to tell me he had a better offer!

I'm now really upset as if my sister agrees to go to this party I will have no babysitter at all and will be sitting at home on my own on my birthday. If she doesn't go, she is sitting at home on my birthday, missing out on both parties and I will have to go out without her!

Just really upset as my birthday last year totally sucked, ExH didn't even bother to make any effort for it, didn't get me a present, didn't even let me have a lie in and take the kids to school which was literally the only thing I had asked for. All the friends I had arranged to go out with on the day bailed out on me and the only person who did turn up went home early :(

After a really shitty year I was really hoping to have a good celebration for my birthday this year and now it's all gone tits up.

Aibu to be upset? I know sister's bf is perfectly within his rights to attend his friend's birthday but he had already agreed to babysit for me! He knows how difficult things are for me regarding childcare so he knows I will have no other option if he says no except my sister - either that or stay at home and do nothing for my birthday :(

OP posts:
kslatts · 20/06/2014 23:59

I understand you are disappointed, but is it that important you celebrate on that particular day, could you go out the another day close to your birthday?

I personally find it worrying that you want to go out getting pissed when you have two small kids to come home to. What it something happened and you were too sloshed to deal with it? There's a difference between never going out the house again and going getting pissed up like a teen

Why do you think OP is planning to go out and get pissed up like a teen? OP just said night out.

Original poster
extremepie · 21/06/2014 00:19

I do plan on going out and getting a bit drunk, since it's my birthday, but I won't be getting paralytic as I can't deal with hangovers anymore and my bf will be driving us there and coming home with me so he won't be drinking - there will be at least one sober adult in the house in the extremely unlikely event anything should happen.

I'm turning 29 I'm not dead yet!

It's not just the drinking that I enjoy though, it's the opportunity to dress up and wear heels, feel attractive for a change, the chance to get out of the house and go somewhere I don't often get to go, the dancing to music that I really enjoy with lots of other people - some days I barely speak to anyone except the teachers at school.

OP posts:
sykadelic · 21/06/2014 04:17

In your latest post you mention your bf, so why doesn't he babysit so you can go out with your sister?

Have you asked your sister about the party and whether he remembers he agreed to babysit that day? Maybe he forgot it was that day?

ThisIsmySecretPassword · 21/06/2014 04:36

Do your kids stay with your exH? Can't he 'babysit' Confused

Thumbwitch · 21/06/2014 05:20

Have you spoken to him? There is a reasonable chance that he just hasn't connected the two dates in his head and hasn't even realised what he's done. I know that's not much of an excuse, but it's worth checking before you decide that he's just let you down - phone your sister, if you can't speak to him directly, or send him a text saying "you do realise that this party is on the same day as my birthday outing, when you said you'd babysit?"

I suppose the party isn't one that you can take children to, is it. Otherwise you could ALL go to the party, you could hijack it for your birthday, and no one would need to babysit or miss out.

Original poster
extremepie · 21/06/2014 09:38

I have spoken to my sister about whether or not he realises it's the same day and she's said she will speak to him and get back to me so I'm waiting on her call - I strongly suspect that he would just much rather go to the party than babysit for me so has conveniently 'forgotten' but I doubt he will change his plans now :(

ExH lives hundreds of miles away so he can't look after them for the night.

Bf won't babysit - not only was he supposed to be coming with me on the night out, and was going to drive us there and back (taxis both ways cost about £80!) but he just won't babysit the kids.

I did already ask the organiser of the other party if I could bring the kids but apparently it's 'adults only' as everyone is planning on getting drunk and getting in their hot tub!

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 21/06/2014 09:42

How old are dc. Do you not know any nursery assistants who could baby sit. Or another mum to dc's friends, agree to a babysitting swap.

Sorry but I think yabu and self pitying.

Original poster
extremepie · 21/06/2014 09:49

They are 7&6.

No I don't, I don't have any dealings with the nursery.

DC's don't have any friends as such, he does in school but has never been invited to someone's house to play or have a sleepover so I'd feel a bit awkward asking a mum/dad I barely know from the school to babysit :/

Thanks very much!

OP posts:
littlemisssarcastic · 21/06/2014 09:50

You're really upset that your sisters boyfriend won't babysit your kids but appear to accept that your own boyfriend 'just won't', yet you're not upset with him in the slightest? Hmm

WeirdCatLady · 21/06/2014 09:51

Sorry things have been rough for you but YABU. It sounds to me like he doesn't want to babysit and, to be honest, why on earth would he want to? Getting your sister to badger him into it isn't fair really.

I'd be more concerned about a bf who doesn't want to babysit for you.

I think you'd be better off arranging a nice lunch out with your sister while the kids are at school, you can get dressed up for that.

Helpys · 21/06/2014 09:54
Confused You have a boyfriend who will be ferrying you around but won't babysit and you're cross with your sister's boyfriend. Why don't you leave the boyfriend at home and drive yourself.
EverythingCounts · 21/06/2014 09:57

Professional sitter is definitely the way to go. I have used sitters.co.uk and found them very good. Then you aren't dependent on unreliable other people. Re the SN, I would hope an experienced sitter would have encountered this before and not been too fazed by it.

There are a lot of posters who seen to have a blind spot about using professional childcare, but those of us who don't have family around have had to either embrace it or never go out! Do it.

EatShitDerek · 21/06/2014 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 21/06/2014 09:58

Your boyfriend won't babysit but you want your sisters boyfriend to? Surely it makes more sense for your bf to do it? In assuming he's trustworthy if you're with him and would actually want you to have a good birthday?

littlemisssarcastic · 21/06/2014 10:00

I totally get that you want to have a few drinks but under the circumstances, wouldn't you find it easier to arrange transport or a lift to and from your night out than a babysitter.
Could your boyfriend put the kids in the car and give you a lift to wherever you're going, then put them to bed when he gets back?
That only leaves you a return journey to arrange?

Hoppinggreen · 21/06/2014 10:05

Quite aside from who should or should babysit or get drunk or whatever why would you arrange a babysitter via someone else?
You should speak directly to someone who will be babysitting for you and make arrangements with them, from the info here it doesn't look as if you have had a conversation with your sisters BF at all

Original poster
extremepie · 21/06/2014 10:06

I can't drive and if I could I couldn't drink. I also don't have £80+ for a taxi there and back!

My birthday is a Saturday so I can't do anything on that day without the kids. My sister works full time during the week so I can't do anything with her while they are at school.

I should probably mention that sisters bf is a friend of mine independently of her, I lived with him for a few months when I was looking for a house in this area so I guess that's another reason why I'm upset - he's supposed to be a friend and yet he won't help me out, he even offered to babysit on one occasion so me & my sister could go out then backed out at the last minute!

I never said I wasn't upset with my bf for not babysitting! I am! Very upset! We've had many a talk about it and tbh I'm not sure if we will stay together because of it.

My bf never said he would babysit, sisters bf did, that's why I'm upset!

OP posts:
greenfolder · 21/06/2014 10:08

find and pay for a babysitter. not expensive. could do it for about £25 in my experience.

Original poster
extremepie · 21/06/2014 10:09

My bf babysitting is not an option, he will not do it.

OP posts:
Helpys · 21/06/2014 10:09

Well as you haven't asked him directly it could all be a storm in a teacup. The £80 taxis non babysitting boyfriend and not driving complicate things, but just ask him directly.

Beautifulmonster · 21/06/2014 10:12

Not many men would be prepared to babysit for their girlfriend's sister's two children on a Saturday night and I don't blame him!

Original poster
extremepie · 21/06/2014 10:24

Even if that girlfriends sister was a friend and they had already offered to do it and agreed to it?

It's one fucking day out of his whole life! He has the option to go out whenever he chooses, even when he has his kids for the weekend if he wants to go out he just gets my sister or his mum to babysit! Yet he won't help me out for ONE night of the year :(

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 21/06/2014 10:32

I think it's the party that's scuppered if for you. It's one thing to babysit while your gf and her sister go out, but if there's a bigger gathering of your social circle why should he miss out? It'd be a really kind thing to do, but he's not obligated to sacrifice his social life to enable yours.

Sorry, but I think you're options are limited to finding another babysitter, professional or not, or writing it off and organising something for another night. It is a shame not to do it on your actual birthday, but it does seem like you've become so fixated on that one date it's all or nothing. In reality unless you chill out a bit you're the only one going to be upset so it would be beneficial to yourself to start being a little more flexible about when your blow out can be. It'll still be a good night if it happens another date.

Also, I know you're saying it's only one night, but babysitting till the early hours does take up a significant proportion of someone's weekend. I used to do it for a friend when her kids were smaller and her dh worked weekend nights. Getting home at 2/3am wiped out a lot of the next day for me purely from being to bleary eyed to do anything constructive. It was like working a night shift and if it's on your days off you do feel like you've not had a break.

PassAFist · 21/06/2014 10:33

I'm sad that you would leave your kids with someone that clearly doesn't want to look after them so that you can go out and get pissed with your own boyfriend who also doesn't want to look after them.

Poor kids.

And you should grow up a bit OP.

littlemisssarcastic · 21/06/2014 10:35

Seems that both you and your sisters boyfriend want to go to the same place on that night and one or the other has to look after the kids.
Someone has to make a sacrifice of not going that night.

I'm not sure I'd be happy asking him to make the sacrifice but perhaps that's just me.

If he was at a loose end, I'd probably be more upset but you're raging because he won't make the sacrifice, despite having not directly spoken to him.
Can you text/message him to see what he says? Your sister sounds like piggy in the middle tbh.