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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To think I should have done something,anything to help this Family

196 replies

fluffyfanjo · 20/06/2014 14:02

I've just returned from a city center shopping trip and seen (to me) the most heart breaking scene.

I was sat upstairs on the bus on the outskirts of town, as we stopped outside the City's Housing Aid offices. Outside there was a Family -Mum,dad two girls aged about 9/11 and a boy who looked about 3,stacked up beside them was what looked like everything they owned. The girls were perched on a suitcase looking bewildered ,the little boy was asleep laying on the fucking pavement.I have a DS aged 4 and I have tears in my eyes just typing this.

By the time I registered it, the bus had moved off,I did consider getting off,but what could I have done ? there were no shops nearby so I couldn't have got drinks or snacks for them, suppose I could go back,but its a 40 min bus ride and they (hopefully may not be still be there)

I know the staff at The housing aid place will find them emergency accommodation, I just hope someone at least give the kids food/drink.

If anyone is passing Nottingham housing aid offices in the next couple of hours and has a spare packet of biscuits lurking in their bag, I know where there are three children who may appreciate them........

OP posts:
LadyNexus · 20/06/2014 16:33

The hysterics about privacy are a bit ott.

It's not really an invasion of privacy is it? No one knows their names, faces or details. All they know is that there is a family on the side of the road outside a particular housing office....which anyone driving or walking past could I'm sure figure out for themselves.

And I'm fairly certain 'biscuits' wasn't a call for everyone to run down there armed only with hobnobs, but meant showing a little kindness if you could.

I've been in bad situations and the small acts of kindness from strangers really made me feel better.

Though I understand not everyone will feel like that. But I'd rather offer an act of kindness and then it be rejected, than do nothing when it could have helped a little bit.

You didn't deserve this flaming op Thanks good on you for being nice.

Badvoc2 · 20/06/2014 16:34

2 things...
Op...sorry you are being given such a hard time.
Mrsd....hello! So glad to see a sane post on this thread!

MrsWinnibago · 20/06/2014 16:34

Dever no...actually I'm not poking anything. I'm standing up for what I felt was the right thing....ie not sharing things about other people in situations where they are vulnerable. However I got called a cunt, nasty and all kinds of lovely things because I suggested that it's not advisable to offer biscuits to families on the street who are waiting for housing advice.

HavanaSlife · 20/06/2014 16:35

Ive been in a similar position (and im in nottingham) if someone offered the dcs some biscuits or a drink id think that was really kind of them.

Deverethemuzzler · 20/06/2014 16:35

I have been homeless too.
I didn't give me an aversion to biscuits.

One of the worst things about being homeless is that people ignore you.
Like you are actually invisible.
They walk on you, like you are not there.

Biscuits would have been nice.

TheReluctantCountess · 20/06/2014 16:35

LadyNexus has put it perfectly.

MrsWinnibago · 20/06/2014 16:35

OP was not flamed. I and a few others suggested her thoughts were well meant but her advice was not sensible. that's not nasty, vile or cuntish.

Pheonixisrising · 20/06/2014 16:35

op I think your heart is in the right place

Ignore the stupid tits giving you a hard time

MrsWinnibago · 20/06/2014 16:36

Nobody IS giving the OP a hard time! I am the one who's had that! I've been flamed and called names. The OP has had a vile mouthed tribe standing up for her.

Original poster
fluffyfanjo · 20/06/2014 16:37

The thought of biscuits or ice cream or sweets ,even a fruit shoot or whatever for the kids was genuinely meant as a gesture of empathy and I was not in anyway suggesting that it would be the answer to their situation. Unfortunately I didn't have a spare house lying round to give them.

I felt genuine guilt that I should have gone back with a small treat for the children but I'm quite glad I didn't now in case they would have felt patronised.

Whatever some of you may think in regard to my motives no fucking child should ever have his afternoon nap on a pavement in 2014 Britain........

I'm just bloody grateful I wasn't that mother.

OP posts:
Deverethemuzzler · 20/06/2014 16:38

Mrs oh do give over.
Do you go all over MN telling people off for saying 'I saw a woman in Bristol today, she was wearing a hat'

OMG you just totally identified that poor woman in Bristol!!!

No.you.don't.

Standing up for the right thing? The right for an anonymous family in a city most of us have never even been to, never to be offered biscuits?

You should start one of those online petition things.
Or a FB page

LastTango · 20/06/2014 16:39

MrsW - did you get outta bed the wrong side this morning? It sure seems like it from the way you are carrying on. OP was only a concerned citizen FFS.

marne2 · 20/06/2014 16:39

I would have felt the same OP, sadly if we were to offer to help them ( say, give them money for hotel for the night ) it would delay the process of them getting housed, giving them food and a warm drink would help though as they could be waiting a while to get any help. Very sad that people are in this situation Sad

Georgethesecond · 20/06/2014 16:39

Crikey

CatsCantTwerk · 20/06/2014 16:40

MrsWinnibago

Just because you were NEARLY in that situation does not make you an expert on how that family is feeling. Infact you are making yourself look stupid.

I was homeless and pregnant at the age of 15 and living on the streets. There was some very kind people who would stop and talk to me, give me food sometimes or a drink. You have no idea what it is like to be so fucking low. It was those small acts of kindness which give me HOPE. Maybe all that family needs is someone to give them hope.

LadyNexus · 20/06/2014 16:40

I think the advice of showing people a bit of kindness, in whatever shape or form, even a mcvities one, is quite acceptable actually.

SatansFurryJamHats · 20/06/2014 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HavanaSlife · 20/06/2014 16:43

Me too Lady

MrsWinnibago · 20/06/2014 16:43

Devere a woman in Bristol wearing a hat is NOT the same as "This family with Mum, Dad, 2 girls aged between 9 and 11 and a boy of 3 sitting outside X office." that's very specific.

Cats I never said I was an expert. I wouldn't want to be approached by strangers with "treats" for my children if I were in that situation and I bet plenty think like me.

MrsVamos · 20/06/2014 16:44

Please can we have MrsW and MrsV ?

Pheonixisrising · 20/06/2014 16:44

mrs , lovely , you have turned what was meant to be a compassionate post into a slanging match

Well done

Nokidsnoproblem · 20/06/2014 16:45

You sound lovely OP. I wish there were more people like you. Smile

Deverethemuzzler · 20/06/2014 16:47

Mrs a lady in Bristol wearing a hat is just as likely to be identified as the family vaguely described in the OP.

I didn't realise you had nearly been in a similar position.

Makes mine and cats experience of sleeping rough seem so trivial. Kind of put things into perspective Sad

LadyNexus · 20/06/2014 16:47

I'm sitting outside nuneaton town hall with a 2-4 year old and a man.

Damn now you all know exactly who I am!

Wink
LastTango · 20/06/2014 16:47

I wouldn't want to be approached by strangers with "treats" for my children if I were in that situation and I bet plenty think like me.

Well, if ^^ WERE to happen I am sure you are quite capable of aggressively telling them to fuck off MrsW.