To get annoyed when parents spell their kids name wrong

[HelloSteve]

...and then they get annoyed when people constantly spell their names "wrong" (aka the right way)? Or buy personalised items with their names spelt their way?

Not really a big deal I know, but I what do you expect when you give your child a name spelled in a way to be yoo-niq?

Over the past couple of weeks I've heard of a Emma-Leigh, a Sophy and a Jordyn. I can't help thinking 'poor kids they're going to have to go through their whole lives having to correct people'. It seems people don't think about that though.

I know a woman who has two grown up daughters called Jemma (I assume they meant for that to be Gemma) and a Hollie (again, I assume Holly) and she always gets annoyed when people don't ask and just assume they're spelt Gemma and Holly, but I don't know why. She should have expected that/be used to that now? I know she would constantly get irritated when the kids were at school and received Christmas cards/party invites with their names spelt wrong but honestly I have little sympathy. What was she expecting when she spelt her kids names wrong?

Your thoughts?

Taking on a historical ancestral name makes sense, like the Irish and some black people took on African names, or Native American. I can understand entirely that their identities were removed through slavery and these are attempts to redefine their own identity.

But there is a difference between asserting your inherited identity by linking it to the past and defining your child's identity as a mark of protest with a name that sounds interesting or quirky just because it's unique.

Your name is something that should identify you as different from others but not unique, still as part of something social and familiar. That's what I think and it seems like that in most other cultures. I hope that makes sense.

The way I see it is that if you're going to add some random letters or an apostrophe to a name, you can't then complain when people don't know how to say or spell it.

why oh why can't everyone be just like white middleclass english people?

probably half of AIBU could be boiled down to this question. LOL at anyone who thinks the rest of the world aspires to your mayonnaise flavoured culture and values. you are a tiny tranche of modern britain, and not eventhe most interesting, just the loudest and most self regarding

According to this thread you can be criticised for being 'yoo-niq' if you call your child Sophy.

In for a penny, in for a pound I'd say.

chibi Oh no, I don't think middle class white middle class British culture could ever be defined as mayonnaise - surely that would be white middle class Spanish or possibly even French culture? I think the best the British could aspire to would be salad cream, or at a pinch horseradish sauce.

it is so ridiculously arrogant as to be laughable, this idea that not only are there 'wrong' names, some people (appointed by whom, i wonder) who are charged with going round and informing people they have named their child incorrectly

bonkers

and it is a public service, as it saves these poor unfortunate children from being judged for their poor names. pffft.

Re the earlier post about Kenton, if I ever come across one I will assume their parents listen to The Archers.

Also some of the alternative spellings may depend on how the name looks with the surname. Our surname has two i's in it, so if there was a choice between a first name ending in a y or ie I would chose the y ending.

Oh you charmer @ chibi

When DS2 started school, one of the TAs commented on the spelling of his name (and the spelling of some other children's names). I was quite irritated because DS2 has the traditional spelling of the name (and the more common spelling in Scotland), it's just that English people have taken to spelling it differently in recent years (as it's gained in popularity down here).

I was also quite annoyed that the staff would make a comment about children's names to a parents. Charlee's parents were t even there and she was still commenting to me about the name.

Ds2 gets really annoyed that the staff at school routinely spell his name wrong. There isn't really any excuse for not knowing how to spell the names of the children in your reception class.

Doesn't matter if its right or wrong....people are bad at spelling names. They are bad at spelling popular, easily spelled names and even worse with unusual spellings.

Doesn't matter if its right or wrong, but people have prejudices. When faced with a pile of CVs of people applying to get a good job, Danni-Elle and J'leen WILL prompt a certain reaction. Call it racist or classist or whatever.....people react.
Call your children what you will and spell it however you like, but do be aware of the realities of the world. If you want to resist prejudice by choosing a very unusual name or a unique spelling, then you can use your child to make the point, in the knowledge that many people will make assumptions....you may be keen for them to make those kind of assumptions or not.....doesn't matter, they will do it.

spot on, ChocolateWombat.

I find the attitude that people are judgemental arses with a whole host of class, race and gender-based prejudices and you should just accept it and not do anything to trigger their prejudices deeply troubling. 'Don't give your child a name that suggest that they are black and working class because racists will filter out their CVs in recruitment' is not a good attitude to be perpetuating.

The shitty attitudes of people who judge Kaydins and D'Angeliques are the problem (or at least one manifestation of it). Telling people to just accept that is not OK.

there are grown(i am assuming)humans (again, my assumption- some seem more like moral vacuums) on this thread who seem to think it is their solemn duty to police names, who insist on correcting people's names, who are saying shitty things about children and even more incredibly, think they ars doing some kind of favour with this....

and i'm the charmer

whoooooooeeeeeeee better a charmer than a twatty fucker, i guess

I've yet to see someone say that they actually tell the person in question their name is spelt incorrectly, rather, they think it is spelled incorrectly and discuss it on MN.

That isn't actually the same thing.

HTH

I find myself incredibly annoyed at the regular defences of institutional racism and classism on the baby names boards. The so often repeated 'high court judge' argument is essentially that you shouldn't do anything to give away that you (or your child) wasn't born white and upper middle class.

Because, of course, people who aren't white and (upper) middle class are only acceptable to the extent that they are able to pass as white and (upper) middle class.

And, rather than doing anything about the structural inequalities and deep set prejudices in British society, parents should ensure that they choose a name and spelling it in such a way that their child will be able to pass as white and (upper) middle class. Those who might want to reflect any other aspect of identity in their child's name should, then, be judged as they're clearly inadequate.

The answer to the recruitment issue would be to ensure that it's done anonymously. You'd need to number candidates and select based on experience and qualifications without letting people see those (completely immaterial) background details like name, address, gender, school attended that help to mark out their identity.

Thank you, Calamity, that needed saying.

If I was a registrar of births I wish I would have the power to reject silly spellings. It is not kind to a child to do this in my opinion.

Allegedly those with strange names are more likely to be bullied at school, and whilst no justification for bullying, prevention is better than cure.

prevention is better than cure
WTAF?
Now I've heard it all.

...and this is why on another thread, we're being advised to dress our girl children differently so that boys won't bully them at school.
...or, on numerous threads, we're told that letting our boys keep their long hair is "unfair" to them.
Wake up, people. Prejudice is the vice and responsibility of the holder, not the victim.

Some excellent posts by Brd. I really wish people would take a moment to think about this instinctive distrust of "otherness".

When you say "people will think worse of their CV", surely you just mean that you would - you don't know anything about how I or someone else sifts them. And if you (or this hypothetical recruiter) are racist/ classist enough to discount a person with a name that suggests black working class then being called Emily isn't going to help our candidate. She'll get filtered out at the interview stage.

exactly, splendide this is it in a nutshell. 'concerned' people, your slip is showing

When you say "people will think worse of their CV", surely you just mean that you would - you don't know anything about how I or someone else sifts them.

actually, we know plenty about CV discrimination, tons of studies about that.

I take the argument that prejudice is the responsibility of the holder, but you're going a step too far here. It's perfectly possible to acknowledge that all sorts of discriminations do exist and are indeed very common, without being bigoted oneself. What you do with the knowledge is another question, though.

Sure that's fair. And there are a number of things that can be done to combat it (although still always starting with your own behaviour).

I would argue strongly that encouraging people to modify their behaviour to appease bigots is not one of the things we should be doing.

It isn't bigoted to think that spelling Samuel as Samual is daft. Similarly with Feebee or Zowee. They are names that exist and have conventional forms of spelling. It's plain ignorant not to use an accepted form and it looks silly, whatever colour or class you are.

Children will pick on other children for just about anything and having "weird" names is one more thing they can pick up on. If you choose an "off the wall" name or spelling of a name then don't going whining to the teachers if the child is picked on by others because of it. Why would you make life harder for your DC?