To be pissed that DH won't have a word with MIL?

[cakediva]

So long story short...DC 4 & 6 go to PIL house once a week for tea, I don't mind this as they get to spend quality time with grandparents, something I didn't get to do as a child. The problem is what MIL gives them for 'dessert', some examples in recent weeks are: ton of profiteroles with extra chocolate & cream, ice cream with all the trimmings, huge slice of gateaux/cake.
She follows these desserts by also giving them a small chocolate bar, cookies & a mug of hot chocolate!

DH & I have argued alot over this & I feel I can't bring it up anymore because he gets defensive, he has asked MIL once (jokingly) not to give DC too much sweet stuff but it never gets brought up again. I love MIL dearly & this is her only downfall but AIBU to expect DH to tell her to pack it in with these desserts?

Yes it does cause problems when theres a party or somebody brings in sweets at school, a party bag tends to last a while until they forget & I throw it out! The amount of lollipops I have thrown away is shocking, even the hairdressers dish them out when they visit!
I'm very wary of giving too much sweet stuff, I had free reign of fizzy pops, sweets chocolate which wasn't moderated when younger! & it shows.
I'm not strict & I do allow treats but coupled with MIL, & my own parents + the above it all adds up.

If you are that concerned and your DH won't say anything, why aren't you talking to them about it?

But everlong

Do you have that lot every day or maybe a pudding one day and a milkshake another?

But everlong

Do you have that lot every day or maybe a pudding one day and a milkshake another?

"You are all happy for a 4 and 6 year old to eat a normal days food then eat

A large pudding
Cookies
Chocolate bar
A hot chocolate"

I have never, ever seen a 4-6 yo eat all that in one go. They would leave most of it. So I suspect they get given it, play with it, eat some, and leave a lot.

My DC would have never actually eaten it all, especially after a proper dinner. In fact my DC would not eat any of it if full after first course.

However some of the children I know who were on consciously controlled regimes would gorge as soon as out of sight of Mum, and given half the chance.

Tread carefully.

OP, I get it.

When I went back to work after mat leave with DD, she went to PIL 3 afternoons a week. She was 15 months old.

I picked her up one afternoon to be told that for tea she had had:

Fish
chips
peas
a slice of bread
a bag of crisps
an orange
a yoghurt
loads of beetroot (WTF?!)

She boaked all the way home in her car seat.

She went to a childminder after that, and I only have to bite my tongue say, once a fortnight, when we visit them.

I'd shoot the inlaws, thats a crime against humanity

What's so wrong with beetroot?

It sounds a lot but yes only once a week, still I don't see why you can't nicely say your happy for her to treat them but could she give pudding OR choc as they've been feeling really bloated in the morning. That's not rude it it?

charm you obviously haven't met my DN. She would happily polish that lot off- after eating two mouthfuls of her dinner and having to be coaxed/cajoled/threatened before she will eat any more of it. And she'd still ask for sweets after.

Of course she's learned that her grandma and granddad don't mean it when they say 'if you don't eat your dinner you won't get a pudding' and she knows she won't go hungry because they'll happily fill her with junk. She even negotiates the exact amount of dinner they try to get her to eat- they say 3 more mouthfuls, she'll say 1 more.

Although DN doesn't look that big, I am guessing when she starts school in September and is measured she will officially be overweight (she has a very toddler like body still, sticky out tummy and wrist wrinkles). But at least her teeth are still perfect (doesn't that have as much to do with genes as dental hygiene? Or something like the type of bacteria in your mouth?)

And she only sees her grandparents once a week, too.

I imagine it's this kind of scenario that the OP wants to avoid.

It's a tricky one. On one hand I do agree it's nice to let the gps treat them once a week. But that is just to much sugar, especially for little bodies.

I would just politely and kindly ask, something like, "The kids love their visits and having a treat with you, but all that sugar has been causing some tummyaches and trouble sleeping, maybe it would be best to cut it down to one treat while they're there."

^too

Yanbu

It isn't really setting a good example and once a week is a lot.

You should say something. You're their mother.

But again, it's once a week with this gran, once a week maybe with the other gran, once a week at a party. It does add up! And is there really anything wrong with having just one portion of dessert? How does that hurt the GP?

My in laws are visiting just now and think the amounts described are ridiculous, and that food shouldn't be used as a treat as opposed to just a normal balanced diet.

I'm lucky

I do need to say something, & I will..thanks for all the replies good & bad :)
We'll just have to meet in the middle regarding desserts.

'Once a week' - you seriously need to unclench. I presume they have a very strict diet the rest of the time under your supervision?.

If you are so anti the treats then your 6 year old is more than capable of saying 'no thank you' and asking for an apple.

I'm not "so anti treats", yes of course he is but how many children do you know that will take an apple over an ice cream?

Yes it is a lot. Of course it is!

If my kid ate that every week then that rules out other treats from anyone else.

It's not essential to bring a good grandparent despite what some people think.

Well, if they do actually eat it all I could say that it is making them feel sick in the night and can they please offer dessert OR cookies OR a small choc treat and not all of them.

And get your DH to back you up. He does need to - he is as much part of your problem if he doesn't.

Harold there's nothing wrong with beetroot, but she liked one bit so they fed her half a jar and thought it hilarious. Mixed with orange, yoghurt, etc, it was just unnecessary!

Grandparents seem to think food=love for some reason. I've let it go though and just inwardly eye-roll when they finish a wagon wheel and immediately get handed an ice pole.

It would annoy me too, as pp's have said, it limits you to what you can then give your dc's as a treat. So you end up looking like the bad guy.