To be pissed that DH won't have a word with MIL?

[cakediva]

So long story short...DC 4 & 6 go to PIL house once a week for tea, I don't mind this as they get to spend quality time with grandparents, something I didn't get to do as a child. The problem is what MIL gives them for 'dessert', some examples in recent weeks are: ton of profiteroles with extra chocolate & cream, ice cream with all the trimmings, huge slice of gateaux/cake.
She follows these desserts by also giving them a small chocolate bar, cookies & a mug of hot chocolate!

DH & I have argued alot over this & I feel I can't bring it up anymore because he gets defensive, he has asked MIL once (jokingly) not to give DC too much sweet stuff but it never gets brought up again. I love MIL dearly & this is her only downfall but AIBU to expect DH to tell her to pack it in with these desserts?

No wonder we live in a fat society if no one bats an eye at huge pudding followed by choclate followed by hot choclate

Gosh I can't believe most of the answers on here!

You are all happy for a 4 and 6 year old to eat a normal days food then eat

A large pudding
Cookies
Chocolate bar
A hot chocolate

No wonder there's an obesity problem in this country. That amount of food is unacceptable for a young child.

Oh good, some sensible people have turned up

All at once is better for the teeth. I'm always telling kids to save all their sweets up and eat them in one go once a week. It's little and often that causes cavities

It's once a week. Seriously you would be massively unreasonable to fall out with your mil over this.

I would say that the pudding is enough of a treat, they dont need the chocolate and biscuits and hot choc after.

Erm, YABVU.

She is just spoiling them a bit in the way Grandparents have across the ages.

My Nan used to make ice cream floats and there was always a Tunnocks Tea Cake- she made a fuss of us and we felt so welcomed. She was a fabulous eccentric and I loved these visits.

My Mum's fondest memories from her childhood were centred around her Sunday afternoon teas with her nan who used to bake her lovely cakes and the chats they would have.

It is precious time for your children and their grandparents. Don't spoil it.
definitely unclench vote here too

Yanbu. I'm in the same position. 'It's what grandparents are for' means that I can't really give mine dessert or treats. Especially if they see them more than once a week. A typical visit will involve scones, cupcakes, victoria cake, an icecream and whatever sweets are eaten while decorating the cupcakes. Then they complain they aren't eating their lunch. Mine are 1yr and 3yrs old. Mean mum, indulgent grandparents.

NoArmani- so you let them gorge all their treats at once- that's really not healthy. It might be better for teeth but its definitely not better for blood sugar levels and for your mental health.

It's a bit like drinking alcohol. Would you encourage an adult to save up all their drinks and have them all in one go? No it's far healthier to have a small amount a few times a week.

mil this is hardly an ice cream float is it, this is mass piling on of food.

Worra-Because they tell us, & also because it's the same aize servings when we go there for Sunday dinner occasionally.

Flash-exactly how I feel too! :(

YANBU it is only once a week BUT it is a huge amount of sugar in one go and knowing that they are having that much at grannys will probably put you off treating them in your own home the nights they are not at grannys.

Regardless of what we think if its really bothering you enough that you've discussed it with your husband a few times he should respect you enough to have a quiet (non joking word). Maybe he could just say 'the kids are bouncing off the walls when they come home from yours and its difficult to get them to sleep, they're excitable enough having come to see you, could you lay off the sugar a bit, maybe just dessert or just hot chocolate'. Should spare feelings and make you feel better.

OP, how do you know how big the portion sizes are and how much of it your children actually eat?

I would say that thwt feel a bit sicky whrn they get back so can she just try a hot chocolate with no 'snacks' after dessert?

I agree it's their job to spoil them but puddibg and a choc bar is too much.

Sorry X posted

Then you need to have a word with them yourself...don't rely on your DH.

Just ask them to limit the amount

Mind you, I'm surprised your DC can eat an amount that large if their stomachs aren't used to it.

Don't they ever get sick?

OP I have seen plenty of threads where DIL critises MIL for spoiling the DC, with pathetic things like a sweet....I always defend the GP right to treat, but this is ridiculous.

Why cant you say somehting yourself????

I miss my grans lemon buns that were kept in the fridge and we were allowed one if we set out cut up orange. Am those gingerbread cookies in the shape of a dog or cake. And great day when sister and I were told that there was a small chocolate at waiting for us if we set our tea. It was kind of those huge ones from cadburys. Took us several days and our parents helped yo feet through it. Memories..... That's what your lucky dc are getting. It's only once a week. Please let it be. It's part of a grandparents job description. Your lucky dc. Yabu by the way but I'll forgive you as you never experienced that grandparent relationship. I miss all mine by the way and it wasn't just the food it was time spent with them..... Rip my lovely grandparents and thank you x

Love your username btw OP very apt

london her children are getting the lemons buns + gingerbread+ small chocalte+ hot choclate in one sitting

My grandma used to spoil me- I got lemonade at her house but not at home. We also used to walk to the local (rather large) park and maybe have an ice cream. I also had my first taste of pitta bread at her house.

My mum is a grandma. She loves to treat my DD. She says she gives DD the things she wished she could have afforded when I was young. Things like branded yoghurt and 'exotic' fruit.

Whereas my PIL are always pushing sweet stuff on my DD (fruit shoots, chocolate, pudding).

A treat doesn't have to be sugary, fatty, or indeed edible. And OP YANBU!

Well your DH obviously isn't that fussed and he's an equal parent.
Did my dds' gps spoil them with goodies like this? I have no idea, I never asked, they never told me. It's food not poison and it's once a week.

On the fence here. If the claimed amounts of sweet stuff are true then fine, it needs reining in. Treats are great, spoiling is fine in moderation, but that is too much. However, I'm far from convinced that the claims are totally reliable. Have the portions been observed?

DS would have been sick tbh. It's a lot at once.
Would granny let them have the chocolate for another day?

Carpet maybe abit too much. But it's only once a week. Maybe a good brush of teeth and biking, going to the park the next day.....

Aww... c'mon. That was my favorite part of visiting my GP's growing up is that they would give me treats that my parents would bulk at giving me. It comes with the grandparent territory. They spent the last god knows how many years raising kids, now they get to sit back and enjoy the fun parts while you deal with the discipline. :)

Are they getting fat? Is it causing health or teeth issues?

If not, I wouldn't worry. But if it's causing real consequences (besides upsetting you), I'd have a strict talk with them.