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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed that DH won't have a word with MIL?

135 replies

cakediva · 19/06/2014 18:20

So long story short...DC 4 & 6 go to PIL house once a week for tea, I don't mind this as they get to spend quality time with grandparents, something I didn't get to do as a child. The problem is what MIL gives them for 'dessert', some examples in recent weeks are: ton of profiteroles with extra chocolate & cream, ice cream with all the trimmings, huge slice of gateaux/cake.
She follows these desserts by also giving them a small chocolate bar, cookies & a mug of hot chocolate!

DH & I have argued alot over this & I feel I can't bring it up anymore because he gets defensive, he has asked MIL once (jokingly) not to give DC too much sweet stuff but it never gets brought up again. I love MIL dearly & this is her only downfall but AIBU to expect DH to tell her to pack it in with these desserts?

OP posts:
emotionsecho · 19/06/2014 19:00

I am surprised your children haven't been sick after eating all that sugary stuff, it must be a complete system overload for them.

Is there any way you or your DH could insist it was only one item off that list?

YANBU.

WeAllHaveWings · 19/06/2014 19:00

Used to love going to my grans as she had crates of ginger fom the Alpine man (no sugar free in those days!), all the flavours and we could drink as much as we liked. She fed us a constant stream of cake and sweeties.

I can understand your dh being reluctant to speak to her. It's what grannies do, not ideal, but not a huge deal either.

londonrach · 19/06/2014 19:00

By the way does anyone know the recipe for lemon buns that are kept in the fridge. I'd love to eat just one more of my grans buns. She used real peel I know.....

Original poster
cakediva · 19/06/2014 19:02

DD sometimes complains of stomach ache, DH just told me that he's had a word about the cookies & hot chocolate so I guess that's something. It's definitely not something I'd fall out with MIL over but it's getting a bit ridiculous!

OP posts:
londonrach · 19/06/2014 19:02

Just realised I hate auto correct. I hope you understand my first post on thus thread

CarpetBagger · 19/06/2014 19:03

YES BUT once a week is a lot.

You cant compare your food with ops, ops is getting it all in one go.

we are in mass obesity crisis.....

CarpetBagger · 19/06/2014 19:03

You dont need to fall out with her over it.

you could say you ewent to dentist and they are worried about teeth, could she get on bored and cut down on the sweet struff

ouryve · 19/06/2014 19:03

If all the sugar and chocolate is affecting their sleep that night, then they're probably about due a sleepover with their grandparents :o

TwinkleTwinkleStarlight · 19/06/2014 19:04

Well your DH obviously isn't that fussed and he's an equal parent.

^ this. If it you that it is bothering then it should be you that says something.

PrincessBabyCat · 19/06/2014 19:06

CarpetBagger I grew up getting a bowl of icecream of a piece of dessert after every meal. I never got fat from it, and neither did my cousins who were raised the same way. It's not about the amount of calories, it's how active they are during the day. A few extra sweets once a week isn't going to contribute to the obesity crisis.

Eating junk food all the time is what causes weight gain and health issues. I'd be more worried about the kids eating a bag of chips, drinking pop, and eating snack foods after school every day than the kids getting desserts after a meal.

angryangryyoungwoman · 19/06/2014 19:07

Yanbu. It's too much at one sitting, I agree with previous poster, no wonder there is an obesity problem if that is considered an acceptable amount.

Also, your point that you are then having to restrict them at other times in the week because of this? You shouldn't have to be in that position.

I think you need to say something yourself though.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 19/06/2014 19:09

NoArmani- so you let them gorge all their treats at once- that's really not healthy. It might be better for teeth but its definitely not better for blood sugar levels and for your mental health

I don't let them, their parents do. I'm a dentist so of course my advice is going to be tailored to what's best for teeth. In an ideal world kids wouldn't eat sugary snacks but that's unrealistic so once a week is a good compromise.

OldVikingDudeHidMyTubeSocks · 19/06/2014 19:09

""he has asked MIL once (jokingly) not to give DC too much sweet stuff but it never gets brought up again."

Well there you are- if it never makes them sick, what's the problem?"

charmquark Grin

NewNameForSpring · 19/06/2014 19:11

I think it would be worth having a word. Not jokingly though. Very clearly and nicely. Try the shit sandwich approach.

YANBU I don't see why treating a child has to involve damaging a kid's teeth and actually probably every cell in the body.

There are plenty of other ways of treating a child.

everlong · 19/06/2014 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Deverethemuzzler · 19/06/2014 19:12

Its is a lot and its not ideal but it IS once a week.
It will not harm them if they are not getting this stuff at any other time.

The OP doesn't feed her children chocolate and cakes and stuff so this is not going to make them obese.

The fact we are having an obesity crisis is irrelevant. These kids are not adding to it.

The OH has spoken about cutting some of it down so it sounds as if it is not as bad as in the OP anyway.

The kids are not eating a ton of profiteroles for a start so I suspect there is an element of exaggeration from the get go.

All the food is lumped together in the OP so it sounds as if they are having cake, icecream, extra icecream, profiteroles, all the trimmings, gateaux, cake, cookies, cream, extra cream, hot chocolate all in one go.

They are having a dessert plus cookies and a hot chocolate and OH has spoken to them about the cookies and hot chocolate.

So they are having a dessert once a week at their GP's?

Bowlersarm · 19/06/2014 19:13

YABU.

You can make their diet super healthy for the other 20 meals they have in their week.

Let your PIL chose what they feed them for the remaining 1 meal.

Not a lot to ask of you really.

Original poster
cakediva · 19/06/2014 19:13

The portions that they have are more like adult portions. I wouldn't have a problem with a child sized portion of ice cream/cake. Its the things that follow afterwards.
I think DH feels the same aa he's said before it's all too much, I just think he finds it hard to speak to MIL about it, I suppose I do too as we don't want to offend her.

OP posts:
LoonvanBoon · 19/06/2014 19:18

YANBU. One pudding / sweet treat is enough. And there's no reason why you can't speak to MIL about it yourself.

Personally I'd let the puddings go, & just say to MIL that the children love her puds - but can she please not give them biscuits / other sweet items after that, as they've been having stomach aches later in the evening.

TBH I wouldn't make an issue of the portion sizes, as I think it will be easier to get the message across without offending MIL if you stick to one main point: & personally I'd choose "only one sweet thing after tea, please" as my focus.

slithytove · 19/06/2014 19:20

I think this is really bad, and I hate the ethos that it's only GP who get to give treats. The parents should get to as well, it's not like by having children, GP have earned GC!

Yes it's once a week, and then the other GP do it once a week, and then they go to a birthday party, and then someone brings sweets into school - the treats add up!

I hope my parents will 'treat' my kids in non edible ways, I don't want them growing up believing that a treat has to be a pudding.

OP - have a word, say that the doctor/dentist has commented, and can they cut down the portion, only offering one or two sweet things per visit. I think that is more than reasonable.

YANBU. Though this isn't your DH's fault, I do agree that since it's his parents, it should be easier for him to have that discussion.

slithytove · 19/06/2014 19:22

Bowler, that's not necessarily true or fair though.

Why shouldn't the parents be able to do ice creams in the park or the odd pudding if they want. Plus the kids may well be visiting other friends or relatives, pushing up the portions of treats. So it's possibly not that easy to make sure all other meals are super healthy.

I don't think it's a bad thing if PIL learn that one portion of profiteroles is enough sweet for anyone in one day!

OP - do PIL eat all these things too? Are they overweight?

coffeetofunction · 19/06/2014 19:23

It's once a week. I'd expect nothing less from grandparents...

Bowlersarm · 19/06/2014 19:27

slithy personally I think that the ops DC can eat like that at their GPS once a week, and still have ice creams at the weekend with their parents. Children need energy, and as long as they eat a balance of other food generally I really don't think it's a problem. It would be more of a problem to cause a rift and upset with the PIL. To me, anyway.

LisaMed · 19/06/2014 19:35

I thought there was an unwritten rule, Don't Tell Your Mother eg, don't tell your mother, here's another bit of cake; don't tell your mother, here's another 50p for your holiday spends; don't tell your mother, macdonalds for lunch'...

Mind you, when my sister in law gave ds (then five) pepsi max I did blink a bit. Fortunately she doesn't take him out often. I am notoriously soft with ds and he has loads of sweeties. However the last time ds visited sister in law the stuff he came home with lasted over a month. I just stay calm and hope that he doesn't bounce off the walls too much after a visit. Once or week or less should not be too bad.

Bambambini · 19/06/2014 19:36

I'd be pissed off. Way too much, who on earth thinks giving this much crap at on go every week is ok? Maybe
Letting them pig out at the odd party but not this.