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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it would benefit my 2 sons if their grandad's house didn't have to be sold in the future for care home fees

471 replies

supersec · 18/06/2014 11:49

We have 2 sons (aged 16 and 18). Everyone knows about the dire prospects of any teenagers today ever getting on the property ladder. My sons have always been close to their paternal grandparents. Grandmother died 4 years ago after having Alzheimer's for 7 years. She ended up in a home for last 6 months as my father in law looked after her at home.

He is now 81 and has been diagnosed with dementia. We own our house outright. My husband has one brother who is married, nearly 5o with no children. He owns 2 houses outright, one which he rents out.

We save extremely hard for our future and hopefully house deposits for our sons but the outlook is very bleak from reading the papers/watching the news and I find the outlook for their future very depressing - will they be living with us until they are 40

After the diagnosis my brother in law said he thought it would be a good idea to get his dad's bank balance down as he has nearly £90,000 in the bank. He and my husband withdrew £3,000 each a few months ago with my father in law's approval But I think it is too late for this to make any difference to any possible future care needs. Even if it was reduced to under £23,000 which I understand is the threshold limit for contributing towards your care, the care home would say the house had to be sold.

I am sure my father in law would like to see his only grandchildren live in the house when he passes away, rather than it being sold for care home fees. My brother in law has no children to worry about, has a brilliant final salary pension and a very large bank balance.

I don't know why he came up with the idea to start reducing the bank balance when it will make no difference to his dad having to fund his care if the time comes. No more money has been withdrawn yet but my husband is burying his head in the sand over this and is just agreeing with his older brother.

I do not want a penny from any estate, I would just love to see our sons get a helping hand for the future but this would be via us as the will is 50/50 between my husband and his brother.

I am a very positive person and don't get depressed about much but I feel utter despair at the housing prospects for today's teenagers.

Please tell me if I am being out of order .

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 18/06/2014 15:30

Well as long as your happy withyour choices in life your fil finances will be investigated you know hiding withdrawing money is illegal

CouncilOfLadies · 18/06/2014 15:30

"If that makes me immoral and money grabbing and evil then so that be!!!!"

So why the fuck did you post a thread here, OP?? I get it, you're just stealth-boasting, aren't you? I am hoping your FIL leaves you all sweet fuck-all in his will and gives it all to the local squirrel shelter.

Rideronthestorm · 18/06/2014 15:30

Many years ago, before the law saying property had to be sold to pay for care my parents put the family home into a trust. There were 3 owners. Me and them. When one died there were 2 owners, then there would be just 1. Which they hoped would be me. They did this because my father was worried about going "gaga". His (very well off) uncle was left a widower and he married a scheming and conniving woman who drove away his children and grandchildren, telling him lies about them.

When he died (after years of domestic abuse from her) she got the lot. The trust was Dad's way of making sure no one from outside the family could inherit the house. After Mum died he managed on his own (with support) for some years then opted to go into a nursing home. By this time I owned half the house, so if it had to be sold the powers that be could only take half the value.

As it happened we managed his fees out of his savings and pensions.

I think that trust would be illegal now.

CouldntGiveAMonkeysToss · 18/06/2014 15:31

YABVU. It's his money, nobody else's. I don't expect my parents to leave me anything they have fuck all anyway. If he needs that money, needs to sell the house to pay for his care then so be it! His money to pay for his care. What have your sons got to do with it?
If you're so concerned about your sons future housing situation then you could always let them live rent free with you for five years, even on a low wage they could save up a pretty decent deposit in that time if they had no rent to pay. Then they could buy a house in their twenties.
You're being selfish and grabby.

Original poster
supersec · 18/06/2014 15:31

Hopefully he won't have to go into a care home. Even the so called best homes for dementia patients are not very nice places. It is just bad luck that his wife had it first and now he has it.

OP posts:
Wonderous · 18/06/2014 15:31

OP. My husband and will get a substantial inheritance when my FIL finally passes with dementia. He too is self funding in a care home. I have told him to but himself a yacht and hire ten beautiful blondes as carers and sail round the world enjoying the time he has before its too late.

We have children who could benefit just like yours to help their futures too. BUT we are decent people who believe my FIL earned what he had and if it takes every penny to make his last year's comfortable and happy then it's money well spent. Our motto is aim to die penniless just get the timing right.

You are selfish and grabby and honestly make me feel sick. You and your husband and BIL should be ashamed of yourselves and I hope one day your children don't treat you as despicably as you are treating their GF.

You have chosen to ignore all the people saying you and your family are thieves and without morals. I vote you reap what you sow...

AnotherOneBitestheDust · 18/06/2014 15:34

Jealous of inheritance? Nope, please don't judge me by your own messed up standards. FWIW, my parents have a fair sum of money, we are talking a significant number of hundreds of thousands. It is not 'my inheritance' Shock, it's is their hard earned money.

hoobypickypicky · 18/06/2014 15:35

"I will get that same care home for free probably."

No. You. Fucking. WON'T.

And neither will your poor FIL.

OP, you're not acquitting yourself very well.

margarethamilton · 18/06/2014 15:36

Please tell me if I am being out of order . to If that makes me immoral and money grabbing and evil then so that be!!!! is quite the turnaround!

Taking an elderly person's money without their knowledge for whatever reason IS immoral, money grabbing and evil.

YANVU

hoobypickypicky · 18/06/2014 15:36

""If that makes me immoral and money grabbing and evil then so that be!!!!"

Yes. Yes, it does.

Original poster
supersec · 18/06/2014 15:37

I started a post because I wanted to see the vultures come out and start squawking which is usually the case on these threads.

I am bored of it now bye bye

My opinion hasn't changed one bit so I wasted 5 minutes of my life posting but I have learnt I have some new personality traits! Poor me

OP posts:
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 18/06/2014 15:37

Hopefully he won't have to go into a care home. Even the so called best homes for dementia patients are not very nice places.

Nonsense - my granny stayed in a lovely one. It's just a case of actually looking for one carefully and, of course, you get what you pay for.

Your comments about people being jealous are ridiculous - you have no idea of the personal circumstances of people on this thread

Even though your husband has PoA, there is obviously an obligation to exercise it properly and in the best interests of the granter. Not your sons obviously - so that didn't give carte blanche to empty your FIL's bank account. HTH

margarethamilton · 18/06/2014 15:39

YABVU even!

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 18/06/2014 15:40

I started a post because I wanted to see the vultures come out and start squawking which is usually the case on these threads

So you're a troll? You didn't genuinely post for advice?

Bollocks - you're not a troll. You hoped we would all justify stealing from your FIL's bank account

Obviously the majority have not, so presumably it's better it be deemed a troll than......well, we all know what

AnotherOneBitestheDust · 18/06/2014 15:41

Great, another self-admitting goady fucker!

vindscreenviper · 18/06/2014 15:42

I'm confused is the OP a grasping twat married to a thief, or a bored goady fucker?

3littlefrogs · 18/06/2014 15:42

You may well find you have to pay back the money you have withdrawn. Deprivation of assets is illegal and social services will be onto you pretty quick if your FIL needs care.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/06/2014 15:43

If everyone made sure they had 23K in the bank and no house, how would care be funded? Higher taxes? I vote for those. Others are conspicuous with their absence when I mention it.

You can't have a great NHS, full benefits, happy, cared-for older people and low taxes.

Serenitysutton · 18/06/2014 15:45

Not really sure what there is to be jealous of? You are very much coming across as someone from a back ground where it's unusual, or makes you automatically wealthy, to own your own home.
For many of us home ownership is standard and neither do we have to wait for House prices to plummet to be able to do it. You're making yourself sound very niave OP, your FIls situation/ level of wealth isn't uncommon.

hoobypickypicky · 18/06/2014 15:45

Vultures??? We're the vultures? You're stealing from an old man with dementia, planning on taking his money for your kids future mortgages while putting him in a far lesser care placement than he'd have if you left his hard earned money alone and we're the vultures?

You're having a laugh now love.

And now you're stamping off like a spoiled princess because you've been told what you are and you don't like it!

Those five minutes haven'e been wasted dear. They're five minutes less time you have to steal from an old man or set a shit example to your sons. Keep posting.

AnotherOneBitestheDust · 18/06/2014 15:45

If a social worker gets involved and finds out that your FIL was manipulated into 'giving' his money away, you might have the police knocking on your door.

Mrsjayy · 18/06/2014 15:51

So the op was a show off goady fecker oh well nowt as queer as greedy folk,

ChickenFajitasAndNachos · 18/06/2014 15:57

Yes she will be investigated when her FIL goes into a care home. There will be a thorough investigation. Time to start putting those 3k amounts back I think.

Ladyflip · 18/06/2014 15:59

Even following your own advice OP, nothing is guaranteed.

If you give your house to your children, then you have to be very sure that they won't die, divorce or go bankrupt while you still need it. Because if they do, you could find yourself homeless AFTER you have paid and saved all that money to acquire your precious home.
And let's face it, there is an odds on possibility that one of these three events may happen.

Take some proper legal advice and stop reading the Daily Mail.

hoobypickypicky · 18/06/2014 16:00

I don't think she is, Mrsjayy. I think that she genuinely believed that MNers, with a largely educated, reasonably affluent, middle class demograph, would agree with her.

Then she got a bit of a shock when she found out that she was in a minority of one so decided to make out she was trolling or goading to save face.

You know what they say, when someone shows what they are, believe them.