To think it would benefit my 2 sons if their grandad's house didn't have to be sold in the future for care home fees

[supersec]

We have 2 sons (aged 16 and 18). Everyone knows about the dire prospects of any teenagers today ever getting on the property ladder. My sons have always been close to their paternal grandparents. Grandmother died 4 years ago after having Alzheimer's for 7 years. She ended up in a home for last 6 months as my father in law looked after her at home.

He is now 81 and has been diagnosed with dementia. We own our house outright. My husband has one brother who is married, nearly 5o with no children. He owns 2 houses outright, one which he rents out.

We save extremely hard for our future and hopefully house deposits for our sons but the outlook is very bleak from reading the papers/watching the news and I find the outlook for their future very depressing - will they be living with us until they are 40

After the diagnosis my brother in law said he thought it would be a good idea to get his dad's bank balance down as he has nearly £90,000 in the bank. He and my husband withdrew £3,000 each a few months ago with my father in law's approval But I think it is too late for this to make any difference to any possible future care needs. Even if it was reduced to under £23,000 which I understand is the threshold limit for contributing towards your care, the care home would say the house had to be sold.

I am sure my father in law would like to see his only grandchildren live in the house when he passes away, rather than it being sold for care home fees. My brother in law has no children to worry about, has a brilliant final salary pension and a very large bank balance.

I don't know why he came up with the idea to start reducing the bank balance when it will make no difference to his dad having to fund his care if the time comes. No more money has been withdrawn yet but my husband is burying his head in the sand over this and is just agreeing with his older brother.

I do not want a penny from any estate, I would just love to see our sons get a helping hand for the future but this would be via us as the will is 50/50 between my husband and his brother.

I am a very positive person and don't get depressed about much but I feel utter despair at the housing prospects for today's teenagers.

Please tell me if I am being out of order .

Have I once again wandered into the sixth form common room? What is the difference between care for the elderly and care for anyone else?

So not only do you begrudge your BIL getting his equal share of inheritance alongside his brother because he has no kids, your other chief concern is how to whittle away your FIL's assets so that you don't have to pay for his care.

My my, your family are vultures. Utter vultures. Let's hope your sons don't take a leaf out of your book although given your attitude, you've probably spoiled them already.

I do agree about what is basically nicking his money though ^

Good grief OP, how selfish are you?

I think you have forgotten that The State doesn't actually have any money. All it does is redistribute money from some people to others.

It won't be The State that pays for the care, it will be muggins here (and all the other taxpayers.

You are effectively (albeit indirectly) expecting the taxpayer to fund your DC's inheritance.

Breathtaking selfishness. I'm actually quite shocked at your attitude.

Sorry, what is your point? And calling us all sixth formers is very silly but go ahead and tell me that you know my job better than me, I don't mind. You clearly know very little about local government social care budgets.

Try fearing for your children when you have NOTHING.

When you are a carer fighting health and education for every appropriate intervention for your child because you know damn well there's a time you won't be around so they've got to have some degree of independence, even if that's in sheltered accommodation. Scared they'll end up somewhere like Winterbourne View.

In order to do the above you have to go on benefits and get scorned by the kind of people who engage in deprivation of assets to access seriously over stretched resources, leaving less for the childhood interventions needed to create an independent adult.

"the miserable old fat bat just sits and gets moved through the system for free"

You don't like your MIL much do you Theo?

In fact, I call reverse AIBU, surely nobody really thinks this is ok?

Your BIL has 2 (count 'em) unencumbered houses and still expects the rest of the country to pay for his Dad's care?

People like this actually exist?

This is partly why the country is in the financial state it's in. He's got the money to pay for his care home, so he should. Not everyone can afford to buy a house. I got nothing from my Nanny and Grandad as all THEIR savings and money from THEIR house paid for THEIR care. So, yes YABU.

This is partly why the country is in the financial state it's in. He's got the money to pay for his care home, so he should. Not everyone can afford to buy a house. I got nothing from my Nanny and Grandad as all THEIR savings and money from THEIR house paid for THEIR care. So, yes YABU.

vindscreen

Just -

Ooh I felt so strongly, I posted twice

Sorry, not read all posts but like I said, I am not comfortable with them withdrawing money from his bank account and really don't see the point of this as it won't serve any purpose - no more has been taken since. Inheritance planning or whatever you call it should have been done several years ago but my father in law wouldn't have had a clue about this and the 2 sons wouldn't have felt comfortable raising it with him.

I would have loved to have seen him have an amazing interesting life and spent every penny he had enjoying himself but unfortunately he has lived a very frugal life and spent all his time since retirement (even when his wife was alive) staring at 4 walls. It is very sad but all he wanted to do was save. At one point he was even spending £100 a month on the lottery but even if he won he wouldn't have spent it.

I want my sons to work hard but they are not going to go into middle class professional jobs with top salaries. If you could still buy a house at 3 times the average salary I wouldn't be worried at all but it is now 7 or 8 times the average salary and renting is extortionate.

Even if they have help through an inheritance or from us, they would still struggle with the cost of living. I am not talking about any one person being given a house.

It is too lAte now but you can legitimately sign your house over to someone else to avoid care home fees and I can't see why more people don't do it.

Well, to answer the question you put in your OP, yes, it would benefit your 2 sons if their granddad's house didn't have to be sold to pay care home fees.

What a shame that it will have to be sold. But them's the breaks.

House prices might come down if the rich stopped buying homes with money they only happened to inherit or be given rather than earned.

This op is so so distasteful.

This is not your money. It is not your sons money.
That's it.

And by the way they do have power of attorney and he has said himself he is not going to spend the money and to take it but I don't see the point. If he did go into a care home the fess will have to be paid

Theodorus why don't you get the 'old fat bat' to look after your Dad, sounds like she won't tolerate dodgy carers. I'm sure he will be safer and you will have less work to do.

"the miserable old fat bat just sits and gets moved through the system for free"

You don't like your MIL much do you Theo?

Not much, no. They tried to stop him doing a levels because they didn't want him to better himself. They tried to disown him for doing a degree. The reason was he should be paying them for their old age because he was the last child. I am largely ambivalent towards her but will not give her money. Incidentally she clears as grand a month in benefits and doesn't pay fees. When she dies I have suggested that we give the so far 12 grand back to the government as it is their money rather than just inherit it

And I really can't see how anyone else in our situation would prefer to sit back and see it spent on a care home if it could be avoided but it hasn't been avoided.

"It is too lAte now but you can legitimately sign your house over to someone else to avoid care home fees and I can't see why more people don't do it."

More people don't do it because it is immoral and the pot of money won't last forever. Do you want your sons to be up shit creek without a paddle when they are old just because some selfish people try to avoid care home fees?!

Yabu and adult social care will investigate where his money has gone for his care you all sound greedy money grabbers its not your fil worry to take care of your sons who can buy or rent their own houses this old man isnt even dead yet

"I want my sons to work hard but they are not going to go into middle class professional jobs with top salaries."

No, maybe they won't. But what's more important to you? Decent, respectful boys who have a good work ethic and live as so many young, old and middle aged people manage to do, renting a home? Or grabby, entitled, disrespectful lads who are more interested in getting money out of Grandad than they are seeing his care needs properly and adequately, if not more than adequately covered in the last years of his life?

Steal Move dementia-suffering Grandad's money elsewhere and, if your story of him being without means is believed by SS and if there isn't police involvement regarding the removal of funds from someone unable to give informed consent, he will not be able to afford many care homes or sheltered housing schemes, certainly not in the private sector, but will end up in a lower rate establishment with lower rate care and someone (you? Maybe. Maybe not) fighting like buggery for evermore just to get him the basic help he needs.

Is that what you want?

It seems to me that people are resentful and jealous at people inheriting. They would rather old people save and give to the government rather than it gong to their families and the mentality seems to be if we are having a tough time economically then so should our bloody kids as we'll.

When I was a student some 10 years ago I was allowed to sit in on a care needs panel. The patient was a elderly man with his own home and some other assets. He had dementia and it was agreed by his daughters and nursing staff, medics etc that nursing care in a home was his best option.

The elderly lead consultant agreed with the daughters that it was unfair that their dad would pay for his own care and not be able to apply for continuing health care as it was called then.

He did say that some time before it had been proposed that the only way there would be enough money in the pot would be if everyone paid 1 extra pound in tax.

Bearing in mind this was 10 years ago, so it would be much more now.The consultation at the time had decided that people wouldn't be able to afford that.

It seemed like such a small amount of money to me at the time, with no family to support and living at home rent free. Now more then ever there are more elderly people in our communities, due to advancement in medicine and better living conditions.

I am in a similar situation to your children OP but I just hope if the time comes my grandparents and parents get the care they need. I have advised my own parents to enjoy their retirement and use their money on holidays, whilst they still have good health.