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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To rule someone out because of their size?

149 replies

WendyBloomers · 16/06/2014 18:59

So following on from a thread I posted yesterday about fancying Littlefinger from GoT, several posters mentioned he's a bit on the short side and I have to admit I was a bit 'ohhh that's a shame' I of course still fancy him but it did make me realise in real life this is a bit of an issue for me.

Anyways I'm about 5'8 so not exactly really tall but I'm self conscious of being taller than quite a lot of blokes, especially on a night out with heels where I'm probably pushing 6ft!

I'm single at the moment and the offers are not exactly flooding in (I'm a bit slow on the uptake mind, I never really notice someone's been flirting with me until afterwards) so am I being really unreasonable to count someone out just because they're shorter than me? There could be plenty of really lovely men out there that I'm missing just because of his height! Also, I think they wouldn't be interested in me anyways because I'm taller than them, or taller than them in heels at least.

Are there many others out there like me who abide by this silly rule that the woman shouldn't be taller than the man? And are there any of you who are taller than your SO and if so how do you both feel about it?

Please convince me it's just me being daft and I don't need to hang around the local basketball club to find a potential suitor..

OP posts:

ReadyToBreak · 16/06/2014 19:54

I'm 5'6" and the average height of my exes is around 6'2".

I'm heightist.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 16/06/2014 19:57

I'm 5'11" and DH is 6'4" which is nice and traditional. I've dated men shorter than me in the past and it was fine.

I thought this thread was going to be about fat people (like me) so I was all set to be all offended

aftereight · 16/06/2014 20:00

My DH is noticeably short, and in heels I am a couple of inches taller than him. Tbh that does make me feel awkward and conspicuous as a couple, but more because of the fact that it accentuates his lack of height, and I know that he wishes he was taller.
I have, in the past, walked away from potential relationships with tall men (6'4"), because I'm just not attracted to most tall men.

PrincessBabyCat · 16/06/2014 20:02

Yep. I ruled out men shorter than me and men that were over weight. I also ruled out men that weren't attractive in other ways. It's not shallow to not be attracted to someone. I'm not dating someone for their personality anymore than I'm dating someone for their looks. It needs to be a good combination of both.

I found DH who was both attractive and a great catch, no need to settle. :)

That said, I might be willing to compromise on a few things in the looks department if they were exceptionally charming.

BravePotato · 16/06/2014 20:03

I am 6 ft1.

Men who are confident within themselves, don't mind about heights.

Some men, who are very happy with who they are, even quite like the frisson of a tall woman. They like the "challenge"

Insecure men try to forever stand next to you, to eye up exactly how much taller you are than them and go all bantery and put-downey on your height.

Really really really insecure men are affronted by your mere presence. And refuse to be anywhere near you.

Being tall is great for sorting the men from the boys IMO!

silveroldie2 · 16/06/2014 20:08

I'm 5' 1" and a half or rather used to be; think I am shrinking daily. I did go out with a man who was 6' 6". Even wearing heels he was still over a foot taller than me which led to some interesting comments.

I think personality is way more important than height.

Best1sWest · 16/06/2014 20:12

I agree that it might be a confidence thing. DH is not a pushy, over confident type but he does have a quiet confidence and belief in himself.

HeartShapedBox · 16/06/2014 20:19

yanbu, you like what you like.

height doesn't bother me.

I'm 5"8. DH is just under 5"2.

NynaevesSister · 16/06/2014 20:21

I am near 5'2" and like another poster it is never the height I looked at but the posture. Stand tall even if you aren't and if you are tall don't slouch or hunch.

Being short I just see all blokes as tall. Hubs is 6" and to be honest I didn't even realise that he was quite tall. I got a shock the first time he mentioned his height to someone and we'd been together a year.

I do get a little envious of couple who are the same height or near it. But as has also been mentioned, someone who is kind and decent matters more than height.

YourBrotherInLaw · 16/06/2014 20:27

I always liked a tall man. Then I met DH who is about 5"9 and I think the shortest man I've ever gone out with. I was obviously missing out before.

CallMeExhausted · 16/06/2014 20:29

I am 5'10", DH is 5'7" on a good day.

Height isn't a big thing for me...

NoodleOodle · 16/06/2014 20:33

Height is not important to me. I've been out with a guy who is 5'2", and it wasn't an issue. He was really fit and a Thai Boxer at the time, so if I were into the whole protection thing, he'd have covered that base anyway.

hellymelly · 16/06/2014 20:34

I am 5'8" too, and my DH is the same height. I would have happily dated someone shorter than me, as long as he had a beautiful face!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/06/2014 20:36

I'm just puzzling what ginger said... "It doesn't matter if you're lying down."

Well, if you're on the shorter side and your partner is taller, your bodies would be in proportion, wouldn't they? So the shorter person - if a lot shorter - could end up having to 'scramble' up and down a bit wouldn't they, to get everywhere?

AncientBallerina · 16/06/2014 20:38

My DH and I are both about 5'7''
Generally we see eye to eye (gets coat )

monkeymamma · 16/06/2014 20:39

I'm sorry but this is something that really really bugs me. My single friends often say there are no decent men out there but they ALL have a minimum height 'rule', to the extent they will put on their online dating profiles that a man must be above a certain height (ie a pretty tall one). They're not particularly tall themselves so it's not a self-conscious thing either. It's 'just a preference'. Fair enough but I bet there are blokes who prefer women with big boobs, and it would be far from acceptable for them to say 'I only date birds who are 30DD and above'. We'd think they were chauvinist tosspots of the highest order. So IMO it is a massive double standard to declare you'll only date men over a certain height.

monkeymamma · 16/06/2014 20:40

Ballerina, snap!

And fwiw I think my friends are missing out on some pretty lush blokes who happen not to meet their body fascist specifications re height.

monkeymamma · 16/06/2014 20:42

Witch, that is a seriously boaky use of the word 'scrambled'!

AncientBallerina · 16/06/2014 20:42

In all seriousness I quite like it really. It's nice kissing someone the same height. There are far far more important things in a relationship so I think it is very foolish to discount a whole group of men who are the same height or slightly less tall than you especially when 5'8'' is taller than average for a woman.

AncientBallerina · 16/06/2014 20:44

:-) @ monkeymamma

Sallystyle · 16/06/2014 20:44

Yes, height does make a difference in bed.

I tend to have my face either in my husbands stomach or he has his head squished to the wall.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 16/06/2014 20:47

monkeymamma, it is. I completely agree. :(

WiIdfire · 16/06/2014 21:08

At 6ft tall, if I waited for a taller bloke, I would have been waiting a long time as I would have ruled out 90% of men before I'd even started. Hubby is 5'10" and its not problem, it's not really noticeable. I probably would be a little put off if they were under 5' but never say never!

AIBU to think all you shorties should stop nicking all the tall men though? Leave them to us and date the short ones please. :-)

WorraLiberty · 16/06/2014 21:12

I feel itchy at the thought of someone scrambling up and down me [shock

GreatAuntDinah · 16/06/2014 21:18

DP is five foot four like me. Not a problem. Just glad no-one else had snapped him up before me.

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