AIBU about weekends?

[Weathergames]

Ex H has kids every other weekend. We do not get on, so communicate as little as possible.

Often doesn't have them as goes on holidays and never seems to try to fit these in in the massive amount of time he is not with the kids. He never has the kids another time and he refuses to have them any "extra" or help in any way.

DS is 16 and now has a job on Sat and Sun, which is great and I am very proud.

ExH lives in same town but says kids can't have a key to his (it's his partners house but he has lived there for 7 yrs) because it's not their home .

He has now said as DS is working if he is going away for the weekend when it's "his" weekend then DS will have to stay here as he cannot stay in their house alone. I often go away when the kids are away (or just enjoy not cooking etc) and do not really want to worry about leaving DS here and what he might get up to (he was found drunk in the street by a passer by a while ago while supposedly at a party) he's not really responsible enough and if I am going away I can't relax fully.

So ex h is saying he is responsible enough to be left here but not at theirs.

He has already had a conversation with DS about it before even mentioning it to me and completely disregarded me, my opinion or the fact that this is actually my house. To all intents and purposes saying that his plans take priority over mine .

I have said he needs to adjust his own plans as he only has to feature the kids in 4 days a month as opposed to my 26.

I love my kids and love being with them just trying to put this down in a matter of fact way - not sound like I can't wait to get rid of them.

AIBU?

I am a counsellor -with teens!!!

I am available!

I do 90 of the parenting alone - what do you suggest I do when they go to spend time with their father (boys need their dads very much in their teens) sit at the end of the phone so I can be "available" .

Teens need a parent around. But it DOESN'T always have to be the mother.

But... if the father isn't making himself available I don't know what other options you really have Weather.

Well, maybe it's just the way you come across to me on here . I'm a single mum with teens, no contact with their father. It would never occur to me to leave them behind and fly of somewhere. No one ever has them overnight, and hasn't for 16 years! Except the occasional school trip or sleep over with friends.

I've never had another parent on the scene at all, so wouldn't even think of feeling some one else should be doing a turn. They are mine!

Luggagecarousel Mon 16-Jun-14 22:46:38
If I couldn't afford to fly without my DC, then I wouldn't be flying.

But they are with their father on the weekends the OP goes away.

Hayday, yes, a father can fill the role, but it is normally a mother!

Primallass, the op is complaining because the father won't take them when she wants to fly away!

They aren't "mine" they are their own people who also have a father.

I am sorry you haven't had support but that doesn't mean other single parents have to be martyrs!

We have been separated for 9 years so they are very used to the arrangement.

They are "your" responsibility!

That is not why I am "complaining"

And his!!!

I'm no martyr, and I have never needed any support, but I have always taken full responsibility for me DC, and been there for them

But Weather what are you seriously going to do about it?! You can't MAKE their father suddenly be reasonable about it.

So no, you DON'T have the support now, and you have to make arrangements to suit.

I get that you're pissed off. You have every reason to be. But that won't help you solve this, it really won't.

And so have I - they have access weekends with their father I think you'll find that's perfectly normal and how bloody sexist that they are solely my responsibility.

I am not going to solve it.

I will just remain frustrated as usual that he has stuck to nothing he agreed to do in our divorce.

Luggagecarousel Mon 16-Jun-14 23:19:54
Primallass, the op is complaining because the father won't take them when she wants to fly away

No, she is complaining because he does whatever the f* he wants 99% of the time, and won't take full responsibility on the weekends that ALL of the children should be with him.

There's a reason why you're divorced, and I'm guessing this twattish behaviour is just a part of it!

So OP shouldn't ever go away? She's not going away and leaving her children, she's going away on the weekend that's their fathers contact weekend. Not just fucking off on a jolly and leaving them to fend for themselves.

TBH at 16 I'd want my parents to have a life and go away without me, not sit at home alone.

It's ok saying they are mine luggage but in this case they are OPs and her ex-h's

Luggage - I don't really think you're helping here.

It's perfectly reasonable to expect children's other parent to play their part.

I think it's very martyrish behaviour to 'never' leave them overnight for 16 years.

He wasn't so much of a twat when we were married she seems to have brought that "gift" out!!

Twattishness just increases with age, so just than your lucky stars you are rid of him!

Yes!!

I left because he was boring and crap in bed

What is this special parenting that only a mother can do? Because by the time they are teenagers their long weaned off the breast and that is really the only parenting thing women can do that dads cannot.

Of course yanbu op. Your ex h is a cock and he should step up and be a parent and take his responsibilities seriously.

He's 16. Perhaps it's time to talk about trust and responsibility with your DS and both of you start to get used to the fact that he's going to start spending time on his own at home.