be angry about facebook photos?

[Daisy122]

Neither me nor my husband are on facebook, were more pick up the phone and chat or meet for dinner type ppl not really into the whole social network vibe - thats just us each to their own and no judgements on anyone else were quite aware were unusual in that respect especially both being under 30 and otherwise very social ppl :) Anyway when i got pregnant with my daughter we told family and friends that we didnt want any photos putting on facebook or announcements ect anything to do with baby really as were not on there to monitor it and we want to share first photos, news, scans ect ourselves in our own way; everyone agreed to this and we made particularly sure this was explained to my fil as he has a facebook page and likes to befriend everyone and anyone and is very open with his private life. Anyway when i was 5 months pregnant we got our second scan photo and went to visit both my parents and my husbands to show them in person, my fil asked for a photo of it and i said sure just dont put it on facebook please he said ok and took the photo. The following evening me and hubby go out to meet friends for dinner and proudly show off our scan only to be told oh weve already seen it on fils fbook page. So we get home go on his page through my brothers account and not only has he posted the scan photo but he had announced my pregnancy before we did and posted my scan dates, due date ect ect. My hubby called him and said we where really upset with him and felt really betrayed he said fine ill take it down and wont do it again but was not apologetic at all. We moved on and when my daughter was 2 months old i met hubbys parents friend in the street i went to introduce her to our baby and she said oh ive already seen her on fil's facebook, i was fuming got home and we discovered fils facebook profile pic was him and our daughter and other photos had been posted, he also had not removed the previous scan photos as requested. we invited him round to tell him we where really annoyed by this total disreagrd for our wishes and he said shes my granddaughter i can decide whats best for her and called us pathetic and reclusive just because we dont want photos on fb. My daughter goes to baby clubs, mums and tots, sees friends and family every week yet because her image isnt slapped all over the web were reclusive!!!! am i right to be so annoyed? thanks xxx

MIL can choose whether or not she sees her grandchildren, you choose how much to involve FIL. MIL will soon realise that she is the one backed into a corner. Leave them to come to their senses. If their virtual world is more important to them than the real world that's their choice.

I really hate this and its really dangerous. I was taken away from my parents as a child but I was never adopted so my name remained the same, I have an account but I don't post things with the kids on it.

I went nuts when a school mum posted pics of my kids with hers in their school uniforms and tagged me in them. Life is rosy for her, great extended family etc she doesn't 'get' how dangerous it would be if my biological parents were to find these.

There was a very good reason I was taken away and a very good reason my parents were jailed nearly 20 years ago and people need to understand not everyone comes from such a wonderful circle of friends and family and by posting these up for the world to see you are putting my children and yours in danger.

and your child will miss out on having a grandfather.

My mother didn't speak to my grandmother for years. I never missed out because I never knew any better.

All my other grandparents lived scattered around, so I very rarely, saw them. My grandfather lived abroad, so I only remember seeing him for the first time when I was 9.

Children need good parents. They don't need Grandparents.

They are an added bonus, but not at the expense of causing your family stress, misery and a lifetime of problems.

I agree red tooth brush, i had all but nothing to do with my grandparents and have never felt hard done by about it, i don't feel anything about it really!!!

OP in case you have any doubts this excuse from him is the biggest load of bollocks ever.

he said it was embarrassing that there weren't any photos of her on facebook as there should be and it was making him embarrassed to go down the pub with his mates as they would ask what she looked like

Phaedra he also went on to say that it is our fault that he did what he did as we shouldnt be so reclusive as to not have a facebook account and because we are so weird like this he was forced to do it.

My grandparents lived several hours away so were rarely seen as do my kids grandparents. We all had/ have good relationships with them though and I think the quality of the relationship depends largely on how well the parents get on with the grandparents and how fondly they are discussed and how happy everyone is together.
A power mad grandparent always up for a fight with the parents would be worse than no grandparent in my opinion.

If your DD is a big fan of In The Night Garden to the point she has a favourite character, presumably this all happened a while ago? In which case, in the words of Elsa, Let it go?! Or has he kept doing it now your DD is older?

Wow... red toothbrush!

''Children don't need grandparents''

There is nothing to say to that comment except:-
.. I'm sure millions of grandparents, especially those who are denied access to their grandchildren would NOT agree!

I know far more people who don't have Facebook accounts than do.

I don't. I'm not reclusive or weird. In real life I'm a partner in a successful and long established business (which also doesn't have a FB account)

Rebecca2 is correct. He's power mad.

no shes very young she just smiles when daisy comes on so we think of that as her favourite character. I really need to watch frozen not seen it yet

losingmybelt have you read the thread?

Children don't need gps. They may benefit from gps who have the children's interests at heart. This gp is as far as I can see putting himself first.

Good grief, OP, they sound like right charmers

I think YANBU. We didn't put scan pictures up because I don't want Facebook to own them. I asked my friend for permission before I put up one of her baby daughter and if she's said no I would have respected that. I don't think it's at all unreasonable to expect your FIL to respect your wishes when it comes to your own daughter! I'd be livid!

We're not telling MIL before 12 weeks if/when I next get pregnant, because she proved thus time round that she couldn't keep our secret. We told friends and family at 12 weeks and then put a low-key announcement on fb, but that was our choice and I totally get why people wouldn't want to do that.

I don't blame you at all for being angry - I'd be wondering what other decisions for your DD your FIL would disrespect. We don't allow my SIL to look after our DC on her own for exactly that reason - she just ignores what we want and totally disrespects our decisions.

losingmybelt i agree with redtoothbrush that grandparents aren't a necessity but a really nice bonus. Im sure a vast number of grandparents who are refused access are at least partly responsible for that outcome?

The grandparents seem to be victimised when we talk about these things. Maybe because we all imagine cuddly old people with wonderful stories to share but the reality is some of them are just horrible adults.

Of course there will be those that arent and that is sad. But relative or not its never necessary to have horrible ppl in your life is it?

So, how do you feel about calling their bluff?

i feel its the only option clam as i will not be backing down to the degree they are trying to force me to.

I have spoken to hubby he is happy to do this and in the meantime i am trying to encourage him to see them on his own to continue a parent-son relationship with them as i dont want him to feel he cant see his parents or contact them, but at the minute hes too upset to want to speak to them.

He feels very strongly that we have not done anything wrong and will back me all the way. Hes a very hands on father and a great husband we have a strong relationship and wherever this takes us we will go through it united.

I don't think your fil will take this lying down! I bet your name will be mud "down at the pub." I hope you have thick skin!

Good luck. It's nice to hear that you and your dh are united on the issue. So many threads on here tell the opposite story.

Oh Daisy, that is really, really sad that a grown man feels he needs to "keep up" with his pals like this. He needs to grow up and get himself a hobby to boast about to his drinking buddies and leave your DD out of it. She isn't a pawn in his silly little games of one-up-manship.

Stay strong and know that you are doing what you think is best for your DD and keep your chin up. Nobody ever suffered because they were not able to post a photo on FB. FIL's just being a drama queen.

So be it clam! tbh i dont think he will mention it hes very image conscious he likes to know everything about everyone so he would hate the thought of ppl knowing he doesnt see his own granddaughter. He is more likely to make out he still sees her and then do nothing about actually seeing her.

but it will be very much my name that is mud not hubbys it will be oh shes changed him and all that bollox

I feel quite sorry for your MIL. Whilst it could be argued she's made this choice herself, it actually looks like she hasn't. This is obviously the tip of quite a large iceberg in their marriage. To go against him on this one would probably be opening a very large can of worms that she's not prepared to deal with, for one reason or another.

possibly clam but if her granddaughter isnt insentive enough to deal with those issues i cant bend to his will for her sake, though i do feel sad that this is the case she can be a royal pain in this ass but what MIL isnt! its him that's a totally different kettle of fish but i cant go wading into their marriage.

Having read some of the other posts - the wedding photo album!! - I've reached the conclusion that he (and perhaps his wife) are absolute lunatics! Seriously I would not want these people around my child.

But NC will be difficult not least for your husband. Do you have lots of support from the rest of his family/your family if you were to make that decision?

My mum who im very close to thinks there awful human beings, my dad and brother stay out of it but would always back me push come to shove. My husband has an older brother who lives abroad but who agrees his dad is interfering and stubborn and remains a balanced but supportive input in the situation so that's good as hubby is so close to his brother.

might be worth saying that my hubby has a very good relationship with my parents, he had surgery before baby was born and my mum stayed off work to help out and they took him to all his appointments, waited with him in a and e till 3 in the morn etc , his parents didnt even text to see how his op went but turned up 2 weeks later with hubbys moses basket even though i told them we had brought one they only mentioned his op then when i brought it up!