be angry about facebook photos?

[Daisy122]

Neither me nor my husband are on facebook, were more pick up the phone and chat or meet for dinner type ppl not really into the whole social network vibe - thats just us each to their own and no judgements on anyone else were quite aware were unusual in that respect especially both being under 30 and otherwise very social ppl :) Anyway when i got pregnant with my daughter we told family and friends that we didnt want any photos putting on facebook or announcements ect anything to do with baby really as were not on there to monitor it and we want to share first photos, news, scans ect ourselves in our own way; everyone agreed to this and we made particularly sure this was explained to my fil as he has a facebook page and likes to befriend everyone and anyone and is very open with his private life. Anyway when i was 5 months pregnant we got our second scan photo and went to visit both my parents and my husbands to show them in person, my fil asked for a photo of it and i said sure just dont put it on facebook please he said ok and took the photo. The following evening me and hubby go out to meet friends for dinner and proudly show off our scan only to be told oh weve already seen it on fils fbook page. So we get home go on his page through my brothers account and not only has he posted the scan photo but he had announced my pregnancy before we did and posted my scan dates, due date ect ect. My hubby called him and said we where really upset with him and felt really betrayed he said fine ill take it down and wont do it again but was not apologetic at all. We moved on and when my daughter was 2 months old i met hubbys parents friend in the street i went to introduce her to our baby and she said oh ive already seen her on fil's facebook, i was fuming got home and we discovered fils facebook profile pic was him and our daughter and other photos had been posted, he also had not removed the previous scan photos as requested. we invited him round to tell him we where really annoyed by this total disreagrd for our wishes and he said shes my granddaughter i can decide whats best for her and called us pathetic and reclusive just because we dont want photos on fb. My daughter goes to baby clubs, mums and tots, sees friends and family every week yet because her image isnt slapped all over the web were reclusive!!!! am i right to be so annoyed? thanks xxx

Have you posted about them before? The wedding photo album scenario is ringing bells.

no i havent clam must be some other unfortunate soul!

losingmybelt Sun 15-Jun-14 15:40:03
Wow... red toothbrush!

''Children don't need grandparents''

There is nothing to say to that comment except:-
.. I'm sure millions of grandparents, especially those who are denied access to their grandchildren would NOT agree!

Its not about the grandparents though is it. Thats the point. Its about whats best for the children. Grandparents who think its all about them and their desires are a problem.

Children are better in a stable environment without conflict; if parents don't get on with grandparents then there is a problem. Grandparents need to respect decisions that their children make even if they don't like them (unless there is risk to the child, in which case its a matter for social services anyway). If grandparents are incapable of doing that, then it does create a situation where there is a problem. Compromise is sometimes a way forward, but again this isn't always possible.

This case seems to be a perfect example. The FIL has been invited to talk about the situation but does not want to engage in trying to sort out the conflict. Where do you go from there? Put up and shut up with behaviour which is causing a great deal of distress?

Yanbu if you wanted pictures of your daughter on fakebook you would do it yourself, he needs to respect your wishes. Can't believe peoples opinions on this! I was pissed off when my mil told everyone I was pregnant with ds I was only a few weeks and had a mc b4 that. Would it have been ok for her to put that all over facebook too?

I agree YANBU to be cross with him regarding the photos but I think you are overreacting to cut them both out. If you set boundaries and they ignore them, then fine but to just cut them out is very drastic. What does your husband think about it?

"If you set boundaries and they ignore them, then fine"
Eh? Well, clearly it's NOT fine!
And actually, it's the fil (and now mil) who've decided to chuck their toys out of the pram and "not see her anymore." Their loss, I think.

Candycoated What do you recommend the OP and her dh do then? Welcome fil and his camera back round and invite him to wipe his feet on them as he arrives?

clam you misunderstood my sentence, not sure if it was purposeful? I meant then if they ignore the boundaries, then fine end the relationship but I think the OP is being harsh, hence why I wondered what the baby's father thought - they are his parents.

Candy - if you RTFT, you'll realise that a) the OP's dh is equally frustrated and annoyed at his father and b) that it is the FIL (and now the MIL) who has thrown his (and her) toys out of the pram and refused to have anything more to do with them unless they (the OP and her dh) accept that the grandparents can do what they want and that it is the OP and her dh who are at fault!

candy RTFT

I have read the fucking thread FFS. God, I hate this acronym. I was asking how the husband felt about cutting his parents completely out of their lives because that is NOT the same as being furious at his parents for their behaviour.

Well clearly you haven't because the OP has answered the question!!!

Any reason why so aggressive?

Well if you has read properly, you would have seen that Daisy's DH felt the same but she was still encouraging him to see his parents and maintain his relationship. However he's pretty upset at the moment so doesn't want to see them at the moment.

It was quite hard to wade through every single word but I tried. I was not aggressive nor rude to the OP but pick, pick, pick anyway.

I'm bowing out. Hope it gets sorted, daisy. :)

Its telling you to read rather than have a go at the OP.

Candy - if you read the thread you will see that FIL has repeatedly and deliberately ignored OP and her DHs wishes. How much more boundary breaking should she put up with just so that FIL can stroke his ego?
And DH is united with his DW about what they wish for their child. Which does not include FIL sticking photos of her on FB. Again, that is clearly stated.

I did read. It was a long thread with bun fighting. I did not have a go nearly as much as you are having a go at me. Just leave it now.

Sorry Daisy if I offended you. I genuinely did read the thread. It was littered with bun fighting. I hope you've received helpful advice.

Candy if you have read the full thread can you not see that boundaries where set and broken on several occassions? I also have said that i have encouraged hubby to have a parent-son relationship but inlaws are not interested in sorting out the issues at hand re a relationship with their granddaughter.

Arrrghhhhh how many times are people going to tell me the same bloody thing?!

OK Candy, thanks

i wrote my last message before i saw the others had been uploaded, the people that responded to you are sticking up for me because they have been present through the whole thread and i have received a lot of rather unnecessary shit and your initial post sounded like you'd put you tuppence worth in against me without getting all the facts, that's all x

The whole point of this thread has been the fact that the FIL has deliberately been over-stepping the OP's boundaries.

Also, the OP said that she wasn't cutting contact completely, although the fil has pre-empted that by saying HE will have nothing to do with the baby if he can't have his way.

And she was asked what her dh thought of it all, and she was very clear that they are united on this one.

Ditto me!