be angry about facebook photos?

[Daisy122]

Neither me nor my husband are on facebook, were more pick up the phone and chat or meet for dinner type ppl not really into the whole social network vibe - thats just us each to their own and no judgements on anyone else were quite aware were unusual in that respect especially both being under 30 and otherwise very social ppl :) Anyway when i got pregnant with my daughter we told family and friends that we didnt want any photos putting on facebook or announcements ect anything to do with baby really as were not on there to monitor it and we want to share first photos, news, scans ect ourselves in our own way; everyone agreed to this and we made particularly sure this was explained to my fil as he has a facebook page and likes to befriend everyone and anyone and is very open with his private life. Anyway when i was 5 months pregnant we got our second scan photo and went to visit both my parents and my husbands to show them in person, my fil asked for a photo of it and i said sure just dont put it on facebook please he said ok and took the photo. The following evening me and hubby go out to meet friends for dinner and proudly show off our scan only to be told oh weve already seen it on fils fbook page. So we get home go on his page through my brothers account and not only has he posted the scan photo but he had announced my pregnancy before we did and posted my scan dates, due date ect ect. My hubby called him and said we where really upset with him and felt really betrayed he said fine ill take it down and wont do it again but was not apologetic at all. We moved on and when my daughter was 2 months old i met hubbys parents friend in the street i went to introduce her to our baby and she said oh ive already seen her on fil's facebook, i was fuming got home and we discovered fils facebook profile pic was him and our daughter and other photos had been posted, he also had not removed the previous scan photos as requested. we invited him round to tell him we where really annoyed by this total disreagrd for our wishes and he said shes my granddaughter i can decide whats best for her and called us pathetic and reclusive just because we dont want photos on fb. My daughter goes to baby clubs, mums and tots, sees friends and family every week yet because her image isnt slapped all over the web were reclusive!!!! am i right to be so annoyed? thanks xxx

Daisy I hope you are okay as I can see that some of the other posters aren't being very nice to you. As for the Grammar issue I had no problem reading it, if I was annoyed and I needed to get something off my chest grammar would be the last thing I would be thinking about. So ignore these bullies on here.

I previously commented on here and again I don't think you are being unreasonable if I was to tell people not to upload pictures of my child on FB and they still took it upon themselves to do it, I'd feel the same way.

Of course it is: FIL is a bully who is trying to exert control over OP. The photo thing has been the catalyst but it could have been something much bigger with regard to how DD is being brought up. Basically he is belittling OP and her DH as parents and his refusal to see any point of view but his own is worrying.
There is no reason for him not to stop posting these photos, he is not going to suffer in the slightest. Yet he persists in a habit he knows distresses his family? that is peculiar.
Does he have some need to "boast" to his FB "friends"?

The Facebook thing is a red herring. The point is that FIL has more than once been asked to do or not to do something very specific, has AGREED to it and has then gone against it.

That's not on.

I'd be having serious words, or my DP would if it were his father.

Some posters are missing the point. The disregard for your wishes, the blatant lying, the breach of trust and the complete disrespect towards you are bad enough. The sheer arrogance of his attitude that he will do what he wants is breath taking. Y are most definitely NBU.

CSIJanner you are much nice than me. I was going to say that HappyMummyofOne likes to come on these threads and be a right bitch. It doesn't help when she deliberately? miscontrues things (8 weeks after 20 week scan) and ignores the fact that the OP had already had the GP's around before she and her DH asked for a few days peace and quiet to bond as a family.

Some of the replies on this thread are ridiculous, mummyofone, how is your reply helpful? Schoolyard at best. You've quite clearly missed the OPs point but c'est la vie. It's just a banal and rather mundane attack for no purpose it seems.

The worse of it, is the embarrassingly thin pro Facebook arguments. I can't even be bothered to cite examples

Honestly, I really despair at the sheer and utter in unhelpfulness of some of the posters and OP you really don't need to defend or justify yourself. Especially if you didn't want visitors.

Anyway back to the days festivities

The whole thing has taken a new turn of events now MIL has said that whilst she agrees FIL is in the wrong she will not see my daughter unless FIL is and he wont unless we agree to forget the whole thing and let him carry on as he pleases!!!!!! Feel like were now being backed into a corner to let FIL do what he pleases

Internet security is important and I think you are being sensible in wanting to keep your baby off the web.

If he won't respect you then minimise all interactions with him. Tell him you accept that he cannot keep personal things private and therefore won't be giving him any pictures or information that you would not be happy to see on line.

What a tosser!

Call her bluff!

As other posters have said the FB issue is just the tip of the iceberg with FIL and unfortunately it sounds like you need to draw your line in the sand very firmly now.

we will but im afraid i don't doubt that she will stick to it, what a mess x

Urgh this thread is a nasty but classic example of a whole load of people piling in to give the OP a good kicking for no apparent reason.

I completely get the FB thing.

Ad as the more reasonable posters realised, this isn't about Facebook per se, it is about FIl trying to dictate. Lo and behold, he has now gone nuclear, I see from your last but one post.

Just call his bluff. Someone has to be The One Who Decides where your DD is concerned. FIL wants it to be him. But you are the parents, it has to be you and your DH. Stick to your guns. If your poor MIL is backing her childish husband, more fool her.

This is just so far away from how loving grandparents ought to behave, it' not true. Reads s though your FIL treats your DD more like a possession than a little person. How sad.

You have no choice but to call her bluff really.

It's a very ugly situation. When you don't bend to FIL's will, he will probably come back at you with an offer to still see your DD if you apologise.

I do feel sorry for MIL though. She's in a difficult position.

Well, it's her loss if she doesn't see her granddaughter. Maybe she'll come round after a few months if you play the long game.

Back on the subject of FB. I'm part of a hobby group and we post photos of our events on our fan page. When there are children in the photos I take I always do my best to check with the parents if it's okay to put them on the FB page. Most parents look at me like I'm mad for asking as of course it's a non issue to them, but we have had a handful who say no, and we always respect that. It's just courteous.

Yes, it is a mess, Daisy - but it is not a mess because of you or DH. This is all down to FIL and his need to control.

Perhaps you should ask him why it is so important to post photos of DD? WHy does he feel such an overwhelming need to prove himself a wonderful GF that he will willingly engineer a situation which means his access to her will inevitably be curtailed (because no parent will allow a GF to do something with their child that they feel is wrong/potentially dangerous). Can't he see how contradictory he is being?

this is your family, not his. He cannot dictate to you and in the long run he is the one who will suffer because it sounds as if everyone else would be better off without him interfering in their lives.

You have done nothing wrong. YOu are doing the best for your DD as you see it and that is entirely your decision to make. FIL constantly oversteps boundaries and it sounds like he's doing it deliberately. The qustions is - why?

Tallsawasnotsupposedtobethere its quite shocking isn't it! I was really upset by it last night but having taken a step back and re read some of the nastier and more personal comments designed to make me feel as belittled as possible i thought, how tragic must these peoples lives be to attack someone seeking friendly advice???

Obviously some people have a vicious pack mentality all piling in and goading each other on, just a sad reflection on society really.

I agree, call their bluff. If they want to behave so childishly, having already behaved so disrespectfully, that's their choice.

Hi KatieKaye, we did ask him why he did it when we first found the images of her after she was born and he said it was embarrassing that there weren't any photos of her on facebook as there should be and it was making him embarrassed to go down the pub with his mates as they would ask what she looked like (we had sent them photos on phone and FIL has plenty on his own phone to show off). These mates he's referring to are people that we had previously invited round and they had turned down the offer. These are also the same friends that FIL tried to bring round to meet our daughter at 10 at night when she 1 month old when they where all legless after a full days drinking. Needless to say they where turned away!

There are so many examples in such a short space of time, inlaws refusing to leave the hosp while i was in labour, telling me when i was 5 months pregnant that if i wanted to throw our baby a first bday party we would have to give them a heads up as the main event would 'obviously be at their house with their side of the family

Baby was due on my bday, every time i proudly told someone this MIL or FIL whoever got there first would say we dont want it born then though we want it to be late so its born on st patrciks day as they are irish

i could go on but wont bore you all any further!

To be blunt, they sound like a pair of cunts, OP.

Sounds like a case of a proud grandparent wanting to show off photos of his grandchild.
You should be pleased that he's so interested!
I agree also with the poster who said you need to pick your battles carefully...handle this the wrong way and you will alienate him....and your child will miss out on having a grandfather.
Is it worth it?

Hmm, how long before your dh caves, though? It's all very well people on here saying "call their bluff," and I would like to think I would too, shrugging and saying, "It's a shame you feel that way, but I understand. Bye."
The reality is, though, that this could blow into a full-scale family rift, and knowing that that's your fil's fault might not cut it for your dh, whose father he is and whose blood ties might be pulling him back in to the fold.

Have you rtft losingmybelt?

losingmybelt "Sounds like a case of a proud grandparent wanting to show off photos of his grandchild. You should be pleased that he's so interested!"
Are you really that short-sighted?

oh one more!!! when me and hubby got married they made a photo album to give me for my birthday of the wedding photos they had. Which sounds like a nice gesture except they put a photo of just themselves on the front and only one photo through the whole album of me and OH the rest where of hubbys family and friends except my brother who managed to photo bomb a few photos. It was more like a smack in the face than a present, when my husband asked why the photo album was so.........strange, they said i was being ungrateful and came and took my present back off me.