be angry about facebook photos?

[Daisy122]

Neither me nor my husband are on facebook, were more pick up the phone and chat or meet for dinner type ppl not really into the whole social network vibe - thats just us each to their own and no judgements on anyone else were quite aware were unusual in that respect especially both being under 30 and otherwise very social ppl :) Anyway when i got pregnant with my daughter we told family and friends that we didnt want any photos putting on facebook or announcements ect anything to do with baby really as were not on there to monitor it and we want to share first photos, news, scans ect ourselves in our own way; everyone agreed to this and we made particularly sure this was explained to my fil as he has a facebook page and likes to befriend everyone and anyone and is very open with his private life. Anyway when i was 5 months pregnant we got our second scan photo and went to visit both my parents and my husbands to show them in person, my fil asked for a photo of it and i said sure just dont put it on facebook please he said ok and took the photo. The following evening me and hubby go out to meet friends for dinner and proudly show off our scan only to be told oh weve already seen it on fils fbook page. So we get home go on his page through my brothers account and not only has he posted the scan photo but he had announced my pregnancy before we did and posted my scan dates, due date ect ect. My hubby called him and said we where really upset with him and felt really betrayed he said fine ill take it down and wont do it again but was not apologetic at all. We moved on and when my daughter was 2 months old i met hubbys parents friend in the street i went to introduce her to our baby and she said oh ive already seen her on fil's facebook, i was fuming got home and we discovered fils facebook profile pic was him and our daughter and other photos had been posted, he also had not removed the previous scan photos as requested. we invited him round to tell him we where really annoyed by this total disreagrd for our wishes and he said shes my granddaughter i can decide whats best for her and called us pathetic and reclusive just because we dont want photos on fb. My daughter goes to baby clubs, mums and tots, sees friends and family every week yet because her image isnt slapped all over the web were reclusive!!!! am i right to be so annoyed? thanks xxx

Doting grandparents don't post photos of their grandparents on the net without the permission of the parents because they want to see their grandchildren and realise that pissing off the parents is going to reduce how often they see the grandchildren. Surely most doting grandparents are also doting parents so care about their children's opinions and don't over rule them.
I love my nephews but their parents aren't on facebook and don't want photos of their kids on the web unless they put them there. Now my kids are in their late teens they don't want me putting photos of them up without running it by them first.
If you love people you respect their views on stuff like this.
If he can't respect your wishes I'd be defriending him on facebook and seeing less of him until he learns that you don't share other people's news and pictures on the web without their permission, especially if they've asked you not to.

I haven't rtft sorry but wanted to post because I can't get over the bashing you've had op.

She's your dd and it's your choice whether or not to have pictures of her and news about her online. You don't have to justify your reasons to anyone.

People are saying you're overreacting and that he's just being an excited grandfather - I completely disagree. He's being disrespectful, ignoring your wishes, lying touyou and being unapologetic when confronted. In my opinion there is a wider problem here - his attitude. This isn't just about facebook pictures.i would seriously consider whether or not I wanted my dd to be around somebody who disrespected her parents wishes this way and acted like a spoilt child when wasn't given his way. Not a good example for your dd at all and potentially a lot of bigger problems with him in the future.

This is not the only time my fil has been bolshy with his wants, i lost a life threatening amount of blood when dd was born and when we came home from hosp for three days straight we had grandparents over the house enjoying our special time with us.

Then we said do you know what we would like to have some time as a family of 3 for a few days before oh's paternity leave runs out we again explained this to both sides and were met with a rather disgruntled ok from FIL and everyone else accepted this completely. We had one day together as a three and the nxt morning at 7.30 am the door goes we answer it to find OH's nan from mothers side, 3 cousins, family friend, aunty and uncle saying that FIL had rang them the night before saying they could go round to meet DD just say he said it was ok!!!! OH rang him upstairs asking what on earth was going on and he said well im not telling them to leave you deal with it - doting granddad?

lornemalovo have you heard of a phone? we where going to txt and ring our friends to announce the big news!!!! so noone can make an announcement these days without facebook?

wisemasBridge - my feelings exactly x

My father is a doting granddad in waiting.

He posted stuff on FB, when we said we hadn't wanted fuss and to tell people in our own time as I am sensitive about certain things and not finding it easy to get used to the idea myself.

I was very upset about it as it meant we had to tell certain people before we were ready in case they found out. We had wanted to tell them in person and explain a few things at the same time. When he found out how mortified I was about it and how much it bothered me, he removed immediately and was extremely apologetic. He said he just got carried away and didn't think about it.

THAT is the way a doting granddad would behaviour. Respecting how you felt, even if they did fuck up and get caught up in the moment, and then trying to do the right thing to put it right.

Anything else, is just being a self centred wanker, who doesn't want to respect your decisions as adults and doesn't want to support your parenting decisions even if they disagree.

Stick to your guns.

happymumofone how ignorant of you. i was severely anaemic and ill maybe i didnt want family members my husband barely sees at my door waking up my new born baby.

FIL sounds horrendous, Daisy!
Very controlling indeed and used to getting his own way.
It also sounds like he is deliberatey doing these things in an effort to show you that he has control over your lives too because he is mor important - some misplaced idea he is pater familias. Please disabuse him of this notion and make it clear that you and DH decide what is/is not appropriate for DD. he then has the choice whether to respect your opinions on this or to remove himself from the situation.

I think the easiest thing to do would be cut yourself off from everyone and then that way you get your PFB to yourself. Then there are no photos, no visits and you can have your own way all the time.

God forbid family want to visit a new baby, what on earth were they thinking

Strangely enough DH's parents have not been told about our baby, because they won't respect any decision we have made. They emotionally blackmail and manipulate. When we have given boundaries they have stepped over them every time.

I know that I will need some time to adjust, for my mental health. I know they will not respect that, and will try and do similar to what they did to my SIL. Turn up 2hrs after baby is born - when its an hours drive...

Its not selfish to want space. It is selfish not to respect the fact that some people need psychical and emotional space. Its not about keeping the baby to yourself, its about trying to cope and deal with your own feelings before having to deal with other people's too.

We know we have the mother of all argument ahead of us as a result, but we would rather deal with that when we feel ready, rather than be railroaded yet again. They will be told, and invited, but when we feel able to deal with their demanding nature.

My parents know, because they can be trusted and respect how we feel. Thats what it boils down too.

Trust and Respect. Not trying to keep a baby to yourself.

I had no problems reading your opening post and I agree with you. However I don't know that there's much you can do about it, sadly.

Daisy - ignore HappyMummy. She's our resident devils advocate, looking at it from all angles.

What is boils down to is respect of each other. Your MIL seems to respect your wishes whereas your FIL bolsches and railroads to what he wants and the rest of you be damned! That's the difficulty. This isn't just about photos on FB.

He doesn't respect your wishes in this aspect to the point of agreeing to your face then going ahead and ignoring what you both want anyways. It's deceitful so its fair to infer that he won't be respecting your wishes in other areas as well. He's abused your goodwill and trust and needs to earn some of it back.

I really hope some people are feeling proud of themselves this morning. This is AIBU not let's see who can be the biggest arsehole.

OP, I get it. I'm not on Facebook, I loath the over sharing, snooping and the general living life in public. And DD is my child. Until she's old enough I make the decisions regarding what is right for her. If anyone has a problem with that to bad.

Your FIL sounds vile, stick to your guns and do what you believe is right for your family.

I agree with you OP. Even if he thinks you're silly, he should still respect your wishes. I have a Facebook account but will not post pictures of my children (when I have any) on it.

Also, MUTTON, check the grammar on your own posts before you send them.

Holy shit, just rtft.

Firstly, a massive YANBU!

Secondly, grammar and punctuation nazis can fuck off, way to ignore the issue and make OP feel like shite.

OP, I completely get where you are coming from. Your pregnancy, you get to announce it. Your uterus, you get to share pics of it. Your baby, you get to say (until she can do it herself) who gets to own pictures of her. All of that is destroyed when you have selfish people like FIL doing what they want.

I learnt my lesson about Facebook the hard way. I announced I was in labour with DD1 before I went into hospital, prompting loads of texts and messages. DD1 died. That announcement made my life needlessly difficult at a horrendous time. I left FB shortly after.

With DS1, we only told family early, never put it on the internet, and announced in person to friends at 23 weeks. Feel free to tell me how fucking precious I was. We only rejoined Facebook after he arrived safely, and only announced his (early) birth once we were home from the hospital. Now, we put the occasional photo of us up as a family, have very strict privacy settings, and don't tag him or us.

The fact that FIL is completely disrespecting you and DH is the worst thing, and I would take him at his word and leave him alone. Announcing your pregnancy at 8 weeks is appalling, as are his comments in response to you asking him to cease his FB activities. You are completely justified in not wanting pics of your baby to be out on the internet FOREVER for anyone to copy, search and use as they will.

I know mothers who have had photos of their angel babies stolen and used by trolls, there are babies used for memes, and if you don't want to risk that, it's your right!

I'm shocked by the response you have received on this thread, and don't think you are PFB at all. Once again, YANBU.

happymummyofone only comes onto such threads to be ignorant I wouldn't worry!

Maybe she has no mates because she thought it was OK to turn up at their door at 7.30am after they had a baby

Never mind the Facebook photos, why would anyone, least of all an English graduate, go out of their way to misspell grammar?!?

thanks slithytove i appreciate that, i think ppl who do post umpteen numbers of photos online tend to think that the horrid things that CAN happen wont happen to them as we all do about so many different things but the problem is it will and does happen to someone and i would feel responsible for that if i was allowing my dd's image to be put on the internet.

Im so sorry to hear of your loss i have had a miscarriage at 13 weeks before and was devastated so can only begin to imagine the pain you must of felt. Congratulations on finally getting your little miracle. xx

YANBU. It sounds as though he is like this about lots of things, just thinks his wishes are more important than others, and bulldozes on. It is not about being a doting grandad, it's about control.

I don't think too much of the 'horrid things that can happen' tbh. I do object to Facebook's policy on ownership of photographs and how little control you have of those photos. I'm not adverse to putting some pictures online, but on sites which have better privacy and copyright policies.

I think that FB has become the default way to announce things and I don't like that. I think telling someone personally is so much nicer. And thats what is more important to me.

people can miss spell and and misuse grammar even english graduates! Im writing full of emotion and not like im writing an essay. I did an OU degree in English lit and creative writing, my grammar and spelling were incidently my biggest struggle but at least i tried. i took on a distance learning degree on top of my job and social life and succeeded, can all you grammar bullies say that? No? Then please take you over sized brains and get off my thread.

"His way or the highway?"

Sounds like he'll be a great loss to your lives!

my tuppence: FIL is a jerk but cutting contact specifically because of his Facebook habits is making a huge mountain out of a molehill.

I dont think we are cutting contact with him, he is choosing not to see his grandchild because he cant have a conversation about it or agree to abide by our wishes thats his decision all we have done is express our feelings and offered to find a way forward which he has rejected x

So many people on here are missing the point! This is about more than his Facebook habits.