Did you change your surname upon marriage?

[Gryffindor]

Just that, really? And if you did, did you keep your maiden name professionally?

DH and I have been married a while now but through a combination of feminist thoughts, laziness and professional reputation I haven't changed. All married female friends have changed theirs, often with mind boggling speed!

Aibu to ask?

I changed but I have no connection to this name or my old one. Only my first name matters to me and dh wouldnt give two shits what he was called.

You do what you want, I will do what I want and we should all be happy!
Luckily we are all different.
If you want a campaign that I think is worth fighting then click on my link of yesterday and sign the petition to get the mother's name and occupation on the marriage certificate. ( then again if you don't think it important don't bother)

I legally changed my name to include my maiden name as a middle name and we gave our dd it as a middle name too.

I have been listening to these arguments for well over 40 years and for me, they all come down to one thing: This is something that women do for men but that men will not do for women.

(With a few honourable exceptions.)

Maybe one day we will stop arguing with each other about it and ask men to explain themselves.

I think the difference is that I keep getting quoted to pick holes in my arguments, as if I am wrong in my choice. I expect there are lots of holes but it is still my choice.
I don't need to do it the other way because I totally respect you choice to keep it.
I really couldn't care who changes their name or doesn't - even within my own family.
We have the choice.
If you want a man to explain himself then ask him- just don't expect us all to care.

I am not sure exactly what some PPS mean when they speak of the older generation, but I am in my late 60s and I did not change my name when I married. I am a 1960-70s era second wave feminist. There are actually a lot of us old gimmers around who did not change names. And many of us have daughters who did.

Exactly Scone. I have a friend who didn't change hers and is upset because her DD has changed hers. My SIL is 67 and didn't change hers- I can't think of anyone in the family remotely bothered. Personal choice.

If you want a man to explain himself then ask him- just don't expect us all to care.
So you have been posting on this thread for 20 pages but you don't care?

Exactly - I have said so many times!! Personal choice. I don't care. I just care about being told how I must think- or even worse- that I didn't think and I followed tradition like a sheep.

Well all I can say is, you must be pretty formidable when you do care!

I am actually kind of on your side. I think it's pointless attacking other women about this; I would much rather we were asking men why they won't change their names. Don't worry, I realise you don't care

This is where I do care deeply petition and urge you to sign. Numbers can make for change.

Signed.

You are all lucky to have the choice - we were told that unless I change my name on everything including work and passport then our marriage is classed a sham and no marriage visa issued. This was official home office advise cira 2007

Advice even

What happened, Mrs Pear?

I don't know.. To me changing my name upon marriage has been a clear choice (I like DH's name more than my foreign, bland yet difficult to pronounce and spell one, also I wanted us all to have the same name, but loathe the idea of making a name up). I don't think we should be berating women who do it, any more than we berate women who have chosen to be SAHM or wear make-up. These all are choices.

I have educated myself to a very high level and could be the main breadwinner should I need/want to be. Similarly DH would be happy to take the role of SAHD. Right now, as a team, we are better off with me at home and DH at work. As soon as DS goes to school, I will be going back to Uni for some more studying and then a job.

I appreciate I might have had a different experience than most, as I come from families with a veeeery long feminist backgrounds, from main breadwinner female inn keepers in 1800s and nurses in 1930s, to fathers in the 1960s in highly patriarchal countries making sure that their daughters can wear trousers, travel the world, go to uni, and be entrepreneurs should they wish to, and my DF supporting my DM while she did her PhD (he "only" has a MSc).

As a consequence, I feel matters such as sexual harassment, equal pay and the glass ceiling are more important to talk about than names. A name to me is the same wearing a skirt, make-up, or SAHM. All valid choices, as long as you DO know they are choices, and I find it hard to believe that there would be many women In Britain today who didn't know it..

*I have been listening to these arguments for well over 40 years and for me, they all come down to one thing: This is something that women do for men but that men will not do for women.

(With a few honourable exceptions.)

Maybe one day we will stop arguing with each other about it and ask men to explain themselves.*

Yes, exactly.

I do ask men this question reasonably frequently and they mostly laugh. Some laugh at me, in an er-are-you-mental way, some laugh nervously. Both reactions imply to me that it's just something they've never thought about, and losing their name is something they have never been expected to have to think about.

Sorry, failed to use bold correctly.

Oh, and DH would have changed his name to mine, should I have wanted him to.

Sorry, yet another addition, I know a few men who have changed their names. However, I do know that many would not even consider it - but I wouldn't marry a man who didn't think I was completely equal to him, anyway (I don't see why any women do!).

We married. Told home office. He was told his work visa was now invalid and we had to apply for a marriage visa. We were told by an official that the application would be not be accepted as real unless we had official ties - passport and work name change are accepted as they are harder to change back also we had to have financial linkage - a joint bank account for example. A lot has changed as their have been being arguments of breaching human rights. I felt I had no choice for the best chance of getting the visa I did everything. Ironic really considering we still ended getting via the court system and now seven years later we are heading back to court for divorce!

Yes, I saw sharing a surname as representing the fact that we were now going through life together, as a pair. As symbolising our togetherness. That is the meaning it had to me, so it's historical meaning was irrelevant.
I had a painful relationship with my dad so wouldn't have wanted us to take my name.
I do know a guy who took his wife's name on marriage.

I married a foreigner and live in his country where you don't change surnames on marriage. Phew! I hate my surname: ugly, unweldy, have had mad spellings and pronunciations over the years. His surname is hilarious but I wouldn't have changed mine regardless.

Poor DD has both our surnames

I don't see the fuss: change it, don't change it, get DP tp change theirs. Think for yourself and choose for yourself, only you have to live with your decisions. Surely it's nobody's business but your own.

I've never quite been able to work out the Spanish surname rules?

I didn't - combination of not really getting why I should listen and respond to another name in my 30's and the sheer hassle of getting marriage certs sent to all those financial providers.

DH was not happy about it but our ds has his name (and I'm not really happy about that as it makes it really tricky for me travelling with ds alone).

Our names could not be double barrelled (sheer comedy).

My own view is that you've had your name for while so why change it because a thing called marriage. I have my own family.