Did you change your surname upon marriage?

[Gryffindor]

Just that, really? And if you did, did you keep your maiden name professionally?

DH and I have been married a while now but through a combination of feminist thoughts, laziness and professional reputation I haven't changed. All married female friends have changed theirs, often with mind boggling speed!

Aibu to ask?

iwill if your DHs surname is so awkward why did you give it to your DC? Genuine question btw.

We did it because, my DH's culture is very traditional and it would cause too many questions. In any case as I said if they have too much trouble we have no worries about them not using it. Win: win situation.

Having an unusual name can bring good as well as bad, only time will tell how things work out.

I took my husbands name but that was because I disliked my surname.

So, if you have owned your name for (guessing) 20 plus years at point of marriage, why is the thought of owning the next name, dh, such an anathema? It would be your name, wouldn't it? It would be on all docs. Everyone would call you it. If owning it for a period of time makes it yours, why does the thought of 60 years make dh name 'less' then dear dads/dear family?

Weebairn, def does hee hee xxx

I think there is a certain insecurity of identity that's introduced at the point of asking or expecting a woman to change her name in young adulthood/ on marriage though Minnie

If it's your name from birth and you keep it throughout I'm sure there's often a more secure sense of ownership and identity with that name.

I changed mine BTW, but feel I quite likely wouldn't again, or with hindsight. But it's OK because I'm so proud of my gorgeous DC

It's anathema to me because it's a tradition that is expected of women only. Because a woman's name, her identity, is seen by many to be a temporary thing, something that will be decided by her choice of spouse.

What about people who marry multiple times? Who wants to have three/four different names in their lifetime?

I've been married twice, and changed my name both times - mostly. I say mostly because my passport's still in my maiden name and my driving license is still in my first married name (I don't drive any more). All other documents are in my second (and current) married name. It's not something that particularly bothers me. I've actually had four different surnames in my lifetime, because I was adopted. I'm not really attached to any of them!

The practice of changing a woman's name is related to the common law doctrine of coverture, whereby a woman's legal existence was entirely subsumed in her husband's when she married. I fully support women making their own choices in this regard, but for me that particular fact makes the symbolism pretty powerful.

Me too. I didn't feel my original surname was me. My surname now is, but if divorce? Who knows? I'd take another if that arose. I'd mind losing my first name but I really don't attach identity beyond that because everyone calls me affectionately by my first name. Or a variation of it . My surname is really for the bank....

What about people who marry multiple times? Who wants to have three/four different names in their lifetime?

I imagine that they will do whatever they damn well like.

If I were to get married again, I suspect I'd keep the name I've got now as it is the same as my children.

I would never change my given name though.

"I don't know why we have to understand other people- it is merely personal choice. Do what you want and leave others to do what they want."

it'd be a strange old world if people gave up trying to understand each other. I have said previously that I will defend a woman's right to choose even though I think changing name on marriage is a strange thing to do.

"Probably the same way you can't understand that some people don't see their surname as being "fundamental""

I can understand it actually. I find it extremely odd, and a bit sad, but I think women are conditioned by society to see marriage, and changing their name, as some sort of achievement. I have listened to far too many women excitedly saying they can't wait to be mrs x and it will make them soooooooooo proud to have their husband's name.

I can understand it actually. I find it extremely odd, and a bit sad, but I think women are conditioned by society to see marriage, and changing their name, as some sort of achievement.

And this proves that you don't understand anything I said.

Yes, couldn't wait. My maiden name was shit and I didn't like that both my first and last name began with the same letter.
I love my married surname so much that if I ever got divorced (unlikely), I wouldn't go back to my maiden name.

'I imagine that they will do whatever they damn well like.'

What, without consulting me first?

Yes I'd imagine they damn well will.

owl - i understand people like you. fortunately my self esteem is high enough that you implying i am a bit thick isn't going to have me crying myself to sleep.

What about people who marry multiple times? Who wants to have three/four different names in their lifetime?

My mum has a friend who has been married 4 times. She just tags her surnames together.

We call her "Multi Married Mxxxxx". Her first name does actually begin with M. She did drop one surname after a man she had divorced died, but still has the other 3.

Some men get tattoos on their arm, so I suppose hers is just another way of holding on to the memories!

If she notches up a few more husbands her obituary will take up a full column. 'Jennifer Taylor-Jones-Murphy-Cavendish-Robinson-Maxwell-Salinger sadly passed away................

. She is about 75 now, so she might be able to squeeze one or 2 more in.

I use my maiden name professionally so have kept it but use my married name where the kids are concerned - all gets a bit complicated especially if the school ring work and no one knows who I am
Passport has an AKA though and the bank will now take either but BA Avios are a major sticking point and want my marriage certificate before they will give me the points!

Cees, you clearly don't understand what I was saying as your comment claiming to do so then went on to say you find it odd, sad and that Women who change their name been conditioned to see marriage and a name change as an achievement. Which is absolutely not what I said. I also never implied you were thick.

I don't see marriage as any kind of achievement. I changed my surname because it was stupid and changing it upon marriage was a piece of cake with no hassle. I kept my given name because that was chosen for and given to me and me alone. My identity is not tied up in the surname belonging to only one part of my family.

On these threads, it always ends with the anti name changers insulting those who chose to change. It gets rather tedious being told one is odd, sad and acting without thought. Your choice is no more or less valid than mine.

The only difference is that those against name changing have their judgey pants wedged firmly up round their ears.

I have listened to far too many women excitedly saying they can't wait to be mrs x and it will make them soooooooooo proud to have their husband's name

This sort of comment doesn't appeal to me because it's unnecessarily sneery and says "if you change your name to your husband's, well my God, you're so pathetic and last-century". And that isn't reading between the lines, it's what is being said! Not that Im offended, it doesn't bother me, but the tone is definitely judgy.

I very much agree that it is tedious being told you are odd, sad and acting without thought when you have merely come to a different conclusion from the person saying it.
I am fine about people thinking their surname is fundamental to who they are, but there is no need to think everyone should feel that. I have now had my new one for longer and it is just as much my name. I am just as much part of my mother's family even without the name.
I can't see that it is anyone's business except mine.
I can never stand the way someone comes to a conclusion and wants to apply it to everyone because 'they are right' instead of realising that it is just that they are 'right for themselves'.