To be disappointed at perfunctory Christening present?

[shil0846]

DD was Christened last week and we asked, amongst others, my DS and BIL to be Godparents.

The background is that we asked them when DD was only a couple of months old and they came over all the time and seemed really to love her. We therefore thought they would be ideal Godparents. Since then, and as DD has got a bit older (now 16 m), their visits have tailed off and they rarely see her, even though I often invite them to come and they live close by. We've been concerned that they seem to have lost interest, but didn't feel like we could un-ask them.

They came to the Christening but didn't stay late. Their gift was a £20 first tooth box from John Lewis (I know because I bought one for the DD of a friend). AIBU to think that a gift from Godparents should be something a bit more special? They are both working and have expensive holidays so money isn't an issue for them.

I feel like they've gone for a default option and hurt that they put very little thought into the gift.

I did actually suggest presents for DS's christening! A lot of people wanted a suggestion so I said a classic Disney DVD would be good, last him for years and who doesn't like Disney? Depending in the film it would have cost them £5-13 I think.

I chose a pretty poor godfather, family friend (mums best friends eldest), known each other forever. Haven't seen him in anything but passing since the christening. Godmother is BF, see her all the time. Other godfather (I thought you had two the same sex, one the opposite?) is now my DP!

Neither myself nor my sister have been christened, or had our own children christened, but we have the same reciprocal agreement that our mum had with her sister - that should the worst happen, we would take on the other's children.

We see each other and our children maybe only a couple of times a year, and speak on the phone occasionally (we usually live quite a way from each other, although we are nearby at the moment), but when needed we drop everything to help the other out if needed.

This is the mark of someone who will do their best by you imo - how they will move heaven and earth to help you in an hour of need - not how often they visit or how expensive or thoughtful a gift is.

I would also never expect anyone to find my children as interesting or amazing as I do, either - that's just a bit naive and daft!

Toddlers can be very annoying though, can't they? Maybe they don't find the stage she's at as appealing as when she was a baby. Or maybe they're just very busy. Or maybe they're struggling to conceive? Could be any number of reasons.

Whatever it is, you can't demand that they're as interested as you would like them to be.

You are paying the price of not rocking the boat and ditching them as godparents- I think you are a bit cross at yourself as you did know the score, they had already lost a bit of interest and you went ahead anyway.

It's done now though, and I would be as welcoming as possible to them, don't expect too much- a visit every now and again is perfectly normal, not monthly adoration fests- and the gift is just fine too.

Also- invite them over to see them, and for you to interact as adults- take an interest in their lives, I think expecting them to come over just to admire your dd is not reasonable, but setting up times to meet (perhaps for lunch, perhaps something they would love to do, perhaps a big Sunday lunch to save them cooking) as a family because you genuinely like them will work better.

The Godparents' traditional gift is the child's first Bible, to be used as they assist the child with his/her religious development. Tooth box is actually probably more personal.

You would hate me then.

I've bought a whole series of terrible christening gifts as I find it hard to know what to buy and the whole christening thing mystifies me (I'm not religious). I one "not a godchild" who got Emma Bridgewater stuff and one who got something I'd made.

I usually pop round to see kids once after they are born and then contact can be a bit sporadic. New(ish) parents are dull unless the consciously make an effort not to be all Mummy.

The other thing I would say is you don't know about their circumstances - TTC? recent not talked about miscarriage, other stressors.

Your child should not be the centre of anyones world but yours.

My husband was a godfather a few years back. We gave a knitted care bear that I made.

Glad there wasn't an aibu about our gift (it was before I was on here so maybe there was??!?)