To be disappointed at perfunctory Christening present?

[shil0846]

DD was Christened last week and we asked, amongst others, my DS and BIL to be Godparents.

The background is that we asked them when DD was only a couple of months old and they came over all the time and seemed really to love her. We therefore thought they would be ideal Godparents. Since then, and as DD has got a bit older (now 16 m), their visits have tailed off and they rarely see her, even though I often invite them to come and they live close by. We've been concerned that they seem to have lost interest, but didn't feel like we could un-ask them.

They came to the Christening but didn't stay late. Their gift was a £20 first tooth box from John Lewis (I know because I bought one for the DD of a friend). AIBU to think that a gift from Godparents should be something a bit more special? They are both working and have expensive holidays so money isn't an issue for them.

I feel like they've gone for a default option and hurt that they put very little thought into the gift.

YABU to be obsessing about the gift, but it sounds as if what's really bothering you is the idea that your DSis and DBIL take no interest in your DC?

I think you're getting a hard time for little cause. From what I read, you're upset that you honoured your DS and BIL by asking them to be godparents and that they seem to value that less than you do by not responding to your invitations to spend time with you and your DD, not really sticking around for the whole day as would be expected of such key people and the gift thing is a bit of a red herring. I doubt that you would be miffed by it if they had made a bit more of an effort with the relationship.

It's a perfectly normal gift so be gracious and look at the bit that actually matters.

Did they buy lots of gifts when baby was born? How much were you expecting to be spent on your DD for her Christening?

I haven't been to a Christening as an adult so don't really know what the norm is these days but their gift doesn't seem unreasonable.

You could always 're-gift it' if you don't think it's good enough? Or wait till they have a kid and give it back maybe?????

Are they church goers? May be they don't see it as being as important as you do?

YABU.

1. Too many cooks spoil the broth, how many godparents actually are there?
2. It's a classic gift.
3. People do not have the time to go searching for utensils carved with your DD's initials. This is not to be taken personally.
4. No one wants to intrude on someone with a new baby, you've got to make an effort to see people too.

I really, really hope that's a joke neverending

That was an appropriate present from a god parent. What would you have expected?

I honestly couldn't tell.you what my dc got.from their Godparents,.or anyone else.for.that matter.

Actually, that's a lie. Ds2s Godparents bought him a book, I only know that because he found it on the bookshelf the other day and told me it must be special (his Godmother passed away when he was 3 1/2)

I think perhaps the title of my thread has caused some of the lovely mumsnetters out there to misunderstand my concerns. This is not about the amount spent. My BF is the other Godparent and as it is very clear that she loves my DD to bits and sees her regularly, I wouldn't care less if she hadn't given anything.

Magpie I'm always the one to initiate contact with my DS and am more than happy to take DD to visit them. I know it' s irrational, but if anything happened to me and DH, I want to know that she would be cared for by people who really love her.

YABU. You have no idea how much effort they put into choosing it.

I don't have children of my own yet, but lots of friends do. I tend to minimise visits with them and their DC when they are that sort of age - my eardrums can't handle the noise!

It doesn't mean that I'm not happy for them that they have their DC, or that I don't wish the best for their DC. Toddlers just aren't really my thing - perhaps it is the same with your DSis and BIL?

thst seems entirely normal to me

Santana-

If it's not about the gift, why the detail?

I would have thought a Bible would have been an appropriate Christening Gift; they are chosen to care for her spiritual welfare not to give her presents which you appear to rate entirely by monetary value.

Thank God neverending! I hoiked my judgypants SO high

You do know that godparents aren't automatically guardians? Have you asked them to do this too or are you assuming?

To be honest MIL telling you how much effort she went to to find a spoon in a junk shop doesn't make the spoon thar great either. and she could be laying it on a bit thick too

They don't need to be give a gift, they may be nice but ...really. Time to get a grip...

Your op specifically mentioned the price and shop the gift was purchased, so posters should be forgiven for bringing up the matter.

The god parents may be oblivious to the fact they never stayed long enough etc, and could be very pleased to be named guardians.

We need to remember people don't always live up to our expectations.

If you think you have made a mistake, make sure your will is up to date. This is how care of children will be decided.

Yes. We asked them to be guardians when DD was 3 months old. They agreed.

When DD was born they came over all the time. It was quite tiring as they would pop round unannounced and often wake DD or come when we had other visitors. But I was so touched by their enthusiasm I always welcomed them with open arms. My DS is quite broody and loves newborns. But as my DD got older they gradually stopped coming. I sometimes send them photos of DD but they never text to see how she is.

I don't expect everyone to doat on my DD, but I did hope that they would want to continue to play an active roll in her upbringing. And I guess I am hurt that they make so little effort.

But you mentioned the gift and gave a comparison to the initialled spoon and hours trawling through junk shops.

There is nothing wrong with that gift at all, some people have a knack for thinking of imaginative gifts but that dosent mean anything else.

I wouldn't even have time to spend hours trawling through shops for my own children.

Our godson got a children's bible which had been asked for and cost seven pounds.

Oh for fuck sake, really?

I doubt they have "lost interest", they just have lives a life and your child is not at the bloody centre of them.

You got a gift. Be fucking grateful and grow up.

Well, time to rethink the whole guardianship thing!

Why did you persist with them as godparents when their commitment had tailed off? You can't force people to make a commitment to your child.

I totally get your hurt and disappointment though - we made a terrible choice with Ds1's godparents.

An honest question and not the point of the original post, but which church meets only once a month and only on an evening?

In terms of Christening gifts it falls well within the normal range. I'm very fond of all my nieces and nephews and am guardian in the wills of several of their parents but I've never, as an aunt, phoned specifically to ask how they were and I don't play 'an active role in their upbringing'.