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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed at perfunctory Christening present?

135 replies

shil0846 · 12/06/2014 22:46

DD was Christened last week and we asked, amongst others, my DS and BIL to be Godparents.

The background is that we asked them when DD was only a couple of months old and they came over all the time and seemed really to love her. We therefore thought they would be ideal Godparents. Since then, and as DD has got a bit older (now 16 m), their visits have tailed off and they rarely see her, even though I often invite them to come and they live close by. We've been concerned that they seem to have lost interest, but didn't feel like we could un-ask them.

They came to the Christening but didn't stay late. Their gift was a £20 first tooth box from John Lewis (I know because I bought one for the DD of a friend). AIBU to think that a gift from Godparents should be something a bit more special? They are both working and have expensive holidays so money isn't an issue for them.

I feel like they've gone for a default option and hurt that they put very little thought into the gift.

OP posts:
midnightagents · 13/06/2014 11:09

Yabu. ShockHmmConfused glad I'm not your dd's god parent that's for sure.

MooncupGoddess · 13/06/2014 11:26

I expect that when they got the invitation to the housewarming they looked at their diary and thought, 'Right, it's DN's christening plus lunch, should be over by 2.30 (or whatever) so no problem with going on to the housewarming afterwards.' Surely we've all done something like this?

It's also quite possible that by the end of lunch they were looking forward to escaping the baby chat and having a good laugh with their mates. I really think you're coming down too harsh on them here.

MooncupGoddess · 13/06/2014 11:29

Tbh I am now immensely relieved that my goddaughter is the youngest of four and her parents are impressed that I even remember her birthday! Low expectations are the key to a happy life.

Crinkle77 · 13/06/2014 11:30

YABU

Virgolia · 13/06/2014 11:46

Shine a light, people do have lives y'know. I have a god daughter who I love to bits, but sometimes I can only get to see her once a month. That doesn't mean I've lost interest in her.

And judging them by the gift they've given and insinuating they should have spent more by mentioning their holidays is ridiculous and greedy.

sezamcgregor · 13/06/2014 11:53

Christening gifts are things that you can keep forever.

I have my tarnished silver Christening Mug and will probably pass it on to grandchildren when the time comes.

My DS had some lovely gifts, but none so much as the friendship of the Vicar and that feeling of being part of the community.

AbbeyBartlet · 13/06/2014 11:58

Have to agree that you are being grabby.

£20.00 for a gift is a lot - and is the absolute maximum I would pay for a birthday/Christmas present for anyone, let alone a Christening.

And you have to accept that they may have busy lives and not have time to come over and see your DD all the time.

AbbeyBartlet · 13/06/2014 12:01

Get a fucking grip OP. If anyone accused me of not spending enough time with a child that wasn't even my own and that I didn't spend enough on a gift for them I'd have cut them out of my life a long time ago.

Looks like logical summed it up better than me.

I used to buy birthday/Christmas presents for a child of the family but her mother was so dismissive of them (as was the child) that I stopped buying in the end. I wasn't keen on either of them, so I was only buying them out of "good manners".

commonorgarden · 13/06/2014 12:06

We are godparents to our friends' ds. We didn't give a christening present at all. As far as I knew and understood on the day, gifts were nowt to do with it. We send a lovely birthday present each year and see the family when we can (we live fairly far apart now) but that's it. Yabu rather.

expatinscotland · 13/06/2014 12:07

I thought you only had one set of godparents. I did. They are both long dead now.

Leaving that aside, you are hurt because the present wasn't special or expensive enough?

That's not every Christian. It's about the baptism, not the presents.

I wish I had grown up in a church where you only had to go one evening a month. That would have been groovy!

You are coming across as a tad precious. This may be why your sister is distancing herself.

expatinscotland · 13/06/2014 12:09

Come to think of it, I don't have any of my christening gifts. I wonder what they were or what became of them?

As you can see, it has made no impact on my life.

Virgolia · 13/06/2014 12:10

I thought you only had one set of godparents. I did

I think you're supposed to but I know one family who had 4. four Hmm

bbcessex · 13/06/2014 12:12

I think your OP is probably a bit misleading.

It seems to me more that you are upset your DS doesn't seem to place as much emotional value in being a Godparent as you'd like her to, and the 'off the shelf' present is more a representation of effort, rather than cost.

I can understand this; it's really important to you (right now) and therefore you'd like it to be number one priority for them too.

IMO - the god parents should try and make the whole event if at all possible - but it's probably more their general tailing off of interest as your DD has got older that's causing the upset, rather than the actual actions on the day / the gift

xxxxx

expatinscotland · 13/06/2014 12:12

4? Wow!

Mine were my dad's elder brother and his wife.

There may have been no gifts because it was very religious. They probably bought Masses for my soul. There was a waste of money!

bellarations · 13/06/2014 12:23

Your sister is also an aunt, maybe you need to learn from this and choose a special friend next time. I did the same as you and asked my dc to be godmother, it meant absolutely nothing to her because she feels she is their aunt anyway.
She loved playing queen bee for the christening however and gave a (crappy) photo frame, which didn't bother me in the slightest. Christenings are not about presents. You got a baby, that's your present.
People who did give little keep sakes were very kind but honestly they gather dust and take up space for years.

Quangle · 13/06/2014 12:46

I would be disappointed if my sister left early in the circs you describe to go to a housewarming.

Is this actually more about your sister than about the godparent thing? Does she have DCs? Is she struggling with the fact that you do?

HatieKokpins · 13/06/2014 12:48

Important point: godparents are NOT guardians. Godparents are for the spiritual welfare of your child, and they are NOT given priority over looking after your children if something happens to the parents.

Guardianship has to be conferred legally, via a will, and godparents will not take precedence over anyone else when if comes to guardianship if no legal wishes are known.

scouseontheinside · 13/06/2014 13:03

Maybe you should have written a gift list OP Grin

hhhhhhh · 14/06/2014 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Norfolknway · 14/06/2014 10:46

Crikey Hmm

I gave my goddaughters money - not a great deal TBH.

This wAs pre my DC and just didn't have a clue!

I'm glad you are not my friend Confused

Only1scoop · 14/06/2014 11:00

Off with dd to choose a last min gift for Father's Day....

Feel a perfunctory one coming on Blush

aurynne · 14/06/2014 11:25

OP, toddlers are not particularly rewarding people to visit in any case. i have a very good friend with a toddler. I used to visit her more when the baby was small, but a visit right now is a right pain in the behind: the toddler still does not talk, she runs and screams, monopolises her mother's attention 95% of the time and it is impossible to have any resemblance of a conversation in her presence.

I love my friend to bits, but to be honest, I can't wait till her DD grows up a bit and becomes a bit more interesting, and less annoying and noisy. I sorely miss the interesting, adult conversation I used to have with my friend :(

Perhaps this is what is happening with you and your sister?

Laquitar · 14/06/2014 11:43

I can not understand why people have multiple Godparents.
In your case OP did you expect them to compete in presents buying?

HappyAgainOneDay · 14/06/2014 11:48

OP, think yourself lucky that you still see your DD's godparents even if it's only every 3 months or so.

When my DD was christened, we had two of my schoolfriends and a colleague of my XH as godparents. After more than 40 years, we haven't seen the godfather since the christening but we have seen my schoolfriends Grin

Pufflemum · 14/06/2014 12:00

I think you shouldn't take it personally, to most people other people's children are simply uninteresting. I like my nieces and nephews and are happy when the play with my DC but I wouldn't go and see them simply to see them. Also if this is your PFB you may of bored them to tears with your photos and stories. Or maybe they are trying to conceive and seeing your child pains them. So basically don't worry about it, I am sure they will take more of an active interest when your child needs it.