To be disappointed at perfunctory Christening present?

[shil0846]

DD was Christened last week and we asked, amongst others, my DS and BIL to be Godparents.

The background is that we asked them when DD was only a couple of months old and they came over all the time and seemed really to love her. We therefore thought they would be ideal Godparents. Since then, and as DD has got a bit older (now 16 m), their visits have tailed off and they rarely see her, even though I often invite them to come and they live close by. We've been concerned that they seem to have lost interest, but didn't feel like we could un-ask them.

They came to the Christening but didn't stay late. Their gift was a £20 first tooth box from John Lewis (I know because I bought one for the DD of a friend). AIBU to think that a gift from Godparents should be something a bit more special? They are both working and have expensive holidays so money isn't an issue for them.

I feel like they've gone for a default option and hurt that they put very little thought into the gift.

Yes! Am also confused about the monthly church.

silverdaisy my local church meets every Sunday at 10.30am EXCEPT for the 4th Sunday which is a 6pm service. PM me if you'd like to come along to double check service times

I think it's evening service once a month, so morning service 3x a month, which she goes to with her dd, so she doesn't go every week, just 3 out of 4.

x-post

Oh sorry, got it now. Three weeks per month is still pretty impressive attendance Op.

I understand now. I read it as a once a month service, so was curious. Thanks.

nationalcareersservice.direct.gov.uk/advice/planning/jobprofiles/Pages/familysupportworker.aspx

Family Practioner?

Oops wrong thread!

When DD was born they came over all the time. It was quite tiring as they would pop round unannounced and often wake DD or come when we had other visitors

So in the beginning they came too much and now they don't come enough?

What selfish people. Perhaps you should give them a schedule of exactly how many hours per week you expect them to see your daughter.

Maybe also give them a minimum spend budget you expect as well just to be extra helpful.

Get a fucking grip OP. If anyone accused me of not spending enough time with a child that wasn't even my own and that I didn't spend enough on a gift for them I'd have cut them out of my life a long time ago.

Op. You sound crazy. Move on

I'm actually paranoid now about the present we've bought our godchild who's being christened in August.

I had twins in August. My sister was round all the time at the beginning, now she sees them once every couple of months. She's busy, she has a demanding job etc etc. I know the world doesn't revolve around us and the babies. However, I know that if we needed her she would move hell and high water to help. That's the kind of godparent your child needs.

I find it hard to be enthralled with other people's children and perhaps they feel the same. People do gather round when a new baby arrives but it tails off - and as you felt it was too much you should be happy its not all the time now.

I appreciate your child is the centre of your world but that's where it stops. First and foremost she's their niece and being godparents would, I feel, come second to that.

Gifts aren't important - especially christening tat. What's she going to do with the special spoon when she's older? The christening gifts I got for my children were relegated to a cupboard long ago and when I offer them to them they look at me as if I'm mad.

I think I get what you're saying - they haven't, IYO, put enough effort into the gift which you fear is indicative of how they feel more broadly about your DD.

Only you can judge the quality of their relationship with you and her. FWIW, I don't think you can tell from the gift alone.

The bit I don't get is why you haven't spoken to them about your expectations prior to the christening. You've clearly had concerns for a while (you mention they haven't seen your DD for several months now and seem to have lost interest). I think in your place I would have asked them if they really want the role with all that entails, so you could find alternatives if appropriate.

why did you choose them as godparents if you had concerns about their interest in your child?

Their interest may have waned, but who can blame them? You sound like hard work, very grabby and demanding.
Maybe they are purposefully staying away because you are such hard work?

Good Lord, what a bizarre response to this thread, you've had.

This isn't about a present. The present is clearly indicative of another issue.

I can't believe you posted this

Complaining about the present your daughter was bought and that it wasn't thoughtful enough???

Reading posts from entitled people do make me inwardly chuckle

Plus, not everyone will love your child like you do.....
Some people just don't find children interesting, even if they are relatives.
You should have chosen other Godparents.

But they did find the OP's child interesting. And now they seemingly don't. The OP finds this switch odd.

The original idea behind Godparents, in the Middle Ages, was to find the richest, most socially well-connected Godparents you could manage, and as many as possible. What would happen if one lost their fortune or fell out at court, for Heaven's sake? The religious veneer was just there for respectability.
Just to add a bit of random historical perspective to this slightly odd discussion.

2 things.

1. You feel like they didn't put much effort in to the gift yet it's one you've bought for a friend! So in the sliding scale of gifts what would have been appropriate from an aunt?

Most people I know but token gifts for christening / baptism I.e. A book (and not usually a religious one) because they've usual already bought the baby loads of things when it was born.

1. You feel they've lost interest, aren't actively wanting to spend time with your DD as they don't come around often and left early.

Have you thought about what may be going on with them to cause the change and possibly calling your sister and saying "Hey we haven't seen much of you recently, is everything ok, how's things with you?" If she was very broody have you considered that they may be TTC and maybe it's not happening?

She was your sister before she was an aunt so maybe just give her a call and see how she is rather than revolving it all around your baby.

I was going to say the same as pp. They could be ttc and finding it difficult.

Maybe it's not your child they have lost interest in but you, because they are fed up with your materialistic attitude? Sorry but if this post is genuine then how unpleasant to complain about the amount of money someone has spent on a gift.

tbh I think the issue is that the godparents in question are also the aunt and uncle of the baby. I personally don't think this is a good idea - it feels like you are telling your sister & BIL "This one has to be your favourite niece and needs to have special treatment over other nieces and nephews".

Now maybe they don't have other nieces and nephews yet but they may have in the future, and maybe they don't want to play the favourites game.

Personally I make sure I treat all my nieces and nephews equally - which of course means with a lot of love and time and as much generosity as I can manage - and I would certainly not be changing that just if one of my or DH's siblings asked us to be godparents to one of them. I would add for that child a sense of responsibility for their spiritual upbringing as per the promises of baptism but that child wouldn't start getting more love, time or worldly goods than their siblings or cousins.

I think a £20 first tooth box is a perfectly reasonable Christening gift for any child.

OP, you mention your DSis is very broody, do you think she is possibly having trouble conceiving? It may be that at the moment she finds it painful to be around your DD. That would be no ones fault of course, but maybe the obvious course of action would be to have a chat with her and see what's going on for her at the moment.