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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to get too involved with school life?

433 replies

Pinkrosesarebest · 10/06/2014 19:28

Just that really. My twin sons are in Reception. So we are only at the beginning of our school journey really. I will help out in the future I am sure but haven't so far. I always send in money when asked. However 2 mums talked very loudly near to me and quite pointedly today and said it's always the same ones helping out, signing up or organising PTA events. Surely it is a choice rather than an obligation?

OP posts:
echt · 10/06/2014 21:05

How has the OP been rude?
She has said she is busy right now, but may do PTA work in the future.
She has said she sends in money.
She was the subject of frankly bitchy passive-aggressive comments - a perfect ad for not joining that particular PTA, if that's what they're like.

PsychologicalSaline · 10/06/2014 21:06

We moved several times during primary school years. I always volunteered to help out where I could as it was a great way of getting to know people. It was only the last school where I gave it all up. I got stuck on my own on toilet monitoring duty, for three hours during the school event...sadly my altruism only stretched so far and I couldn't be arsed with it all after that.

Hassled · 10/06/2014 21:11

It's entirely up to you whether you get involved or not. I didn't with my oldest DCs - was working FT and barely had time to fart. With my youngest I did have time and I was at a stage when I sort of needed new friends - I wasn't working and was quite isolated. So my motivation wasn't for the good of the school - but I did make friends and I did raise money for the school. Everyone has their own set of circumstances - ignore the other mothers.

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 10/06/2014 21:15

I think its fine to not get involved but I do think it is a small group who do end up doing all the work and volunteering to help now and again just helps out. I work FT so rarely get a chance to help out.

MrsCripps · 10/06/2014 21:15

Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!
Runaway !!!!!
I have never met so many unhinged nightmares in my life.

Oh dear god do not volunteer - they will make your life a living nightmare.
< as you were >

Original poster
Pinkrosesarebest · 10/06/2014 21:43

Thank you for all the feedback. I can see how the PTA does a lot of good for the school and can equally appreciate how it must be frustrating for the few who seem to help out each time and not others. Food for thought. I think, being shyish, the way forward for me would be to help out every now and again when I can. And thank you echt I didn't think I had been rude in my original post; that is not really my style!

OP posts:
thebodylovesspring · 10/06/2014 22:05

Op you were not rude at all.

Waltermittythesequel · 10/06/2014 22:07

You weren't rude!

Mrsjayy · 10/06/2014 22:40

No way were you rude , see how you feel about volunteer ing now and again I was on primary pta and yes some parents are quite full on but I was quite happy dotting about helping at discos and what not

PecanNut · 10/06/2014 23:16

At our school it is always the same ones who do all the PTA stuff. They seem lovely and not 'queen bee-ish' at all.

However, most of them don't work and don't have pre-schoolers at home, so I guess they have the time to do this.

chilephilly · 11/06/2014 07:12

I ran a stall at PTS Xmas Fair once. I'd been teaching all day and came straight from school. They said I didn't do it right and didn't make enough money. I told them to feck off.

chilephilly · 11/06/2014 07:13

PTA. Stupid tablet thingy.

TraceyTrickster · 11/06/2014 07:18

..I help out because I am between jobs and in Grade 1 my daughter loves me being involved.
By grade 3/4 (so around 9) most kids hate being seen with their parents- so at that point I will back out.

Enjoy it while your kids want you around

LST · 11/06/2014 08:27

My dc haven't even started school yet and I know for a fact I won't be helping out or joining the pta. I work ft and I have enough outside of work and school hours to keep me occupied. Tbh I find keeping my eyes open most of the time a strain. Those that can do it are more well welcome. Well done them. But not everyone is able.

LST · 11/06/2014 08:28

*more than welcome. ..

pianodoodle · 11/06/2014 08:33

From what I read here about school gate encounters and dealing with organising events etc... it all sounds a bit scary to me.

I intend to drop mine off as quickly as possible then leg it Grin

Only1scoop · 11/06/2014 08:38

Ugh I'm dreading school gate stuff....I intend to be rather stealth myself and dp can do the run whenever he is off in week.

Mrsjayy · 11/06/2014 08:41

2 children 12 years of primary never had school gate stuff ever you go say hello sometimes chat sometimes not drop off and pick up no drams no hassle

Hakluyt · 11/06/2014 08:47

"Yep by all means don't get involved but if you don't then don't criticise those who do.

Equally annoying are the 'cool' mums who take the piss out of those who are always helping and organising."

This. Oh, this squared. And it's not just the taking the piss the "cool" mums do- it's the superior "I've got better things to do with my life-not like you little mundane worker bees". Now that really makes me want to reach for my machine gun.

Mrsjayy · 11/06/2014 08:52

Yes lots of parents are busy but I have heard recently well my children are not an extension of me I dont need to be involved I n their school life , okay thenHmm

Renniehorta · 11/06/2014 09:04

PTA stuff can be a nightmare if you work fulltime and even worse are single. I was never able to drop off or pick up because I was a secondary teacher across the other side of the city. So I never had the opportunity to meet any other parents.

However the worst experience was the annual BBQ. My DS was always really keen to go, so I could not let him down. He would race off and have a great time. I was then left on my own mid a crowd of parents who all knew one another. I used to go and sit in my car in the car park. I could not bear standing there as a Billy-no-mates.

Can I make a plea to the QBs & co to be more welcoming to those who don't fit the standard primary parent profile.

redskyatnight · 11/06/2014 09:07

I think there's a big difference between becoming the lynch pin of the PTA and (say) offering to run a stall at the summer fayre for half an hour.

AT DC's old school the vast majority (read all bar about 4) seemed to think it was perfectly reasonable for about 6 people to run the whole summer fayre between them. And then complained when we couldn't run all the stalls/things had to shut early. I do think the majority of people can offer a small amount of time once a year - if everyone does this it reduces the burden on the few.

Iggly · 11/06/2014 09:09

It is always the same mums that help out.

I think being involved in your children's education is a no brainer.

Not wanting to help with the pta - I understand that though.

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout · 11/06/2014 09:25

I didn't get involved either. I just used to drop D.D off. Don't get me wrong. I used to have a chat with her teacher. How's she doing attend open evenings, but as for working on the P.T.A. plus the fact I've always worked so wouldn't have had the time. It's not my thing milling around a school all day. I've just about seen the inside of the school. I was never a fussy mum either. D.D was quite happy going into school which told me she was well looked after, so I didn't need to hang around
One thing I will say though when good parts are coming up say Mary in the nativity it always seems to be a governers child that are given the parts. x

Hakluyt · 11/06/2014 09:30

"One thing I will say though when good parts are coming up say Mary in the nativity it always seems to be a governers child that are given the parts. x"