To not want to get too involved with school life?

[Pinkrosesarebest]

Just that really. My twin sons are in Reception. So we are only at the beginning of our school journey really. I will help out in the future I am sure but haven't so far. I always send in money when asked. However 2 mums talked very loudly near to me and quite pointedly today and said it's always the same ones helping out, signing up or organising PTA events. Surely it is a choice rather than an obligation?

Perhaps the answer is then, for all parents who can, to make a donation at the beginning of the year and have no events?

We bandied that idea around one year.

Then everyone complained there'd be no summer/Christmas fete, school disco, etc

You can't win

We don't do loads of fund raising - 2 fetes, each year group does a cake bake, we trialled a Christmas shopping/pamper evening last year which went down really well, an end of summer term school disco and a few cinema nights.

We also have stuff like Yellow Moon/Avon cash back thingies where if you're ordering anyway you stick in the school's code and we get 10% cash back

We do a load of other stuff which is just for fun - pancake races, Easter egg hunts, Father Christmas, ice lollies at sports day, etc - no charge for any of that. We haven't always got our hands out

"All those who say they would organise a disco if not a fund raising event, I wonder if you would really? I'm doubting you!"

Really?

I've organised plenty stuff through cubs/scouts for my kids. They are not run as fundraisers. I do it because the kids want me to and they enjoy it. That's enough for me.

Why do I do this not the PTA? Actually its pretty simple. The meetings are in the evening, focused and welcoming. That's all there is to it.

Its nice to have stuff for our kids. Its nice to have decent playground equipment. But its not actually that massive a motivation for me. My kids last school was all into raising money for a shrubbery. Seriously? (they didn't call it a shrubbery, but it was).

Or how about give some money at the beginning of the year and have 2 events a year and leave it at that.

Parents shouldn't be harassed and given guilt trips throughout the year - it just makes the parents feel small and the PTA feel superior.

Our PTA had a kind of hiatus for about 18 months when there simply weren't enough active members available to run events. All the whingeing about everything the PTA was doing wrong was suddenly replaced with indignation that the DC were going to miss out.
Nobody offered to step in to run events on a break-even basis, and certainly nobody put their hands in their pockets and offered hard cash in lieu of fundraising activities, apart from one member of staff who always did that anyway. So I'm always sceptical about claims that people would prefer to stump up at the start of the year and never be bothered with lemon drizzle hassle again.

You weren't rude, OP, and you are perfectly within your rights not to get involved.

I am not in the PTA. I bake cakes when required, attend fairs and give money but I haven't been able to make any of the meetings that have been held due to work commitments. It is hard to know what you can do if you are working while the meetings are being held. I know a lot of the members of the PTA at DC's school also work. One of the mums works 50+ hours a week in fact, so it must be very difficult for her to fit it in.
I dislike all the sneering about 'better things to do' and the 'I have to work' comments I've heard over the years as though PTA members are a bit pathetic or too involved in their children's lives.

The parents may provide the money but the PTA do the organising so they deserve some credit or thanks perhaps? To be sneery about that is a bit low. The parents don't spontaneously pay for laptops do they? It's facilitated. I would happily give a one off donation rather than bake a cake but not all parents would.

Sigyn
I think our DC might have been at the same school !
They were horrible to anyone who did volunteer and wondered why no one offered.
Our school pool in summer ran along the lines of "Use it, then you have to do some slots on the rota"
Nothing to do with the PTA

So, if people want say 2 events a year but no PTA, who will organise them?
Teachers? Parents volunteering?
I appreciate the very few women [and couple of men] who put themselves out at our school. Children do enjoy the discos and Bingo and the summer and Xmas Fairs. PTA have meetings in evening at pubs and still get the sneery 'not for us' looks and comments.
Think they are considering folding as so thankless [from parents, not children] and time consuming. I will be interested how parents who don't help out react to that if/ when it happens. Maybe it needs to happen at our school....

"Was I supposed to give my job and not be able to pay my mortgage. Just to get a front seat at the school play"

I'm a governor and I don't get a front seat at anything, and nor would "just" getting a front seat be a reason to do it, what a bizarre idea.

But I also don't recognise the notion of having to give up jobs and not pay the mortgage to be a governor. What's that about?! I think all our governors work, many of them full time. Training and meetings all take place evenings and weekends. Of course not everyone would be able or willing to do it, but I wouldn't want anyone considering being a governor (or indeed participating in the PTA) to think you can't do it if you work.

The problem with the one off payment idea is at schools such as my DCs school, I very much doubt many of the parents could afford to give £50 at the beginning of term, but £3 for a disco, £1 for some cakes etc spread throughout the year is more manageable.

My son's secondary school is known not to have an active PTA, and they ask for a donation per child at the start of each year.

I know not everyone does pay (because I know people who just can't, or won't).

But a lot of people do. (possibly to avoid ever having to make a lemon drizzle cake again)

They still run fetes, etc. I'm not sure if they are fundraising or not-they seem to raise funds for charity quite often (its a state school).

Donation is £40 per kid per year and they certainly buy stuff with that.

I completely agree, flowery.

I work, all our governors work. And there are no perks, such as front seats at school plays. I have to use precious annual leave to attend training courses and our meetings are all in the evenings.

Many of our PTA work too. They're not cliquey either. There's not enough of 'em to be for a start!

bleedingheart that is a fair point btw about the upfront payment

I only have one kid in secondary atm and when I have 3, stumping up £150 at the start of the year is going to hurt.

I do know not everyone does donate or doesn't donate the full amount and I certainly would not expect an issue if people paid over time.

It also doesn't stop anyone sorting out a disco to raise money, and that might be a great way to give back if you can't afford to donate but don't have time .It just stop s this divide between those who can do the PTA and those who either can't, or just find it too bloody intimidating.

No PTA at secondary school here.

Bake sales were run on a class by class basis - not difficult ,bring cakes on Friday, sell them- again no need for hours of gossip and whingeing.

We didn't have a Summer fete in my day - just Sports day and certainly no pamper evenings or fish and chip suppers sold at three times the price.

These evenings were run by the PTA for the PTA and their friends .
Very few other people could afford or wanted to pay £30 for a bit of nail polish and a hand massage .

Oh god! The pamper evenings!

Because yeah, to me, pampering is getting half naked with the most gosspy and cliquey bunch of queen bees I have ever met.

All in order to raise money for a sensory shrubbery.

(btw-who wants a front seat at a school play?

I mean, yeah, sometimes just knowing you will get some kind of seat is a great thing. One of the few great things about being heavily pregnant in the summer

but at a school play-sounds more like a punishment, tbh)

- the shrubbery

They were rude! How off putting.

And I hate the 'its always the same ones helping out or organising stuff' shite. Oh woe is me!

They shouldn't make people feel bad for not doing what they volunteered to do. Not everyones got the time to spare and are just happy going along and supporting events that they, the PTA, have organised to help the school.

One thing my kids' school did (the one with the good PTA not the one I'm moaning about) was to set up a load of those affiliate accounts. Not sure what they are called but if you go to Amazon and lots of other retailers through their homepage the school gets a donation.

With a big school and gps and friends also using it, this actually translated into a decent whack of money and at no cost.

Maybe they were just having a personal whinge to each other op.
Are you sure it was pointed or just a private conversation...

Our school pool in summer ran along the lines of "Use it, then you have to do some slots on the rota"
Nothing to do with the PTA

Well I suppose we could try that but who would organise it? Oh yes...

Nope the PTA didn't organise it - I did !

I think if people don't volunteer, then that's not an issue.
If they complain about how it's being run and events that are being organised, then that is.

People love to moan, but rarely offer to help. That's my experience.

FWIW, I help out with the PTA and do my bit (although I work full time so am limited). I am also a school governor, again to help with the school strategically - not for any direct benefit to me or my children, but for an overall benefit for the school

I'll let you know if any of mine get the lead part, none have so far. I suppose there's time to flex my governor muscled and demand it

I do really think there seems to be a lot of cynicism about what people will do without the PTA.

And yet two of my kids' schools have not really had a PTA and yet events have still been organised, people have still made friends and its been a much nicer place, I think, without that kind of hierarchy/guilt trip thing going on.

I think people do join the PTA to make friends and that's fine, so long as they don't then treat it as their exclusive social group. Or if they do, they need not to complain that no one wants to come.

Then we'll be needing you at our school to organise ours please! The point is, at our school the same people always do the organising, whether they do it as the PTA or not.

Ours is a small school, only about 120 pupils. So there isn't a big pool of willing parents to call on. It would really help if some others would step up just once in a while.

That was meant for MrsCripps by the way.