To not want to get too involved with school life?

[Pinkrosesarebest]

Just that really. My twin sons are in Reception. So we are only at the beginning of our school journey really. I will help out in the future I am sure but haven't so far. I always send in money when asked. However 2 mums talked very loudly near to me and quite pointedly today and said it's always the same ones helping out, signing up or organising PTA events. Surely it is a choice rather than an obligation?

Actually it's not the non participation that bugs me but the non participation plus criticism.

^^This.

Our PTA has had people moaning that the fair is too expensive (most games 30p-50p), is on the wrong day, or wrong time, or not advertised, or .. or ... Also why don't you do XYZ etc etc etc.

Sometimes these people come on to the committee and moan there too, but never offer to actually do anything themselves. Or occasionally they do offer to take an action on themselves and then don't do it .

As a matter of interest, do all the people up thread who have said they would rather just make a donation ever actually proactively get their cheque books out and make one? I haven't noticed anyone saying: I opt out of PTA activities but make a donation instead.

"do all the people up thread who have said they would rather just make a donation ever actually proactively get their cheque books out and make one? "

I wasn't one of the people but I sympathise with the POV.

However in order to make the donation I would have to have information I can't have without hanging round at the school in my work hours such as:

roughly how much is expected or reasonable or hoped for per head (even if I choose to double it to make up for those on hard times or whatever) - per year per term or per event;

Whom the cheque should be payable to;

whom the cheque should be physically given to

To be honest, with things like the PTA, there will always be people who moan and criticise and never help out.

You can never completely win. All the events we run are well received, the vast majority cheerfully dig out the bottles from the back of the cupboard, make some cakes, hand over money and help out where they can.

There's always that small group of people who will find fault with everything. They moan about the school fete, but the year we didn't run one they moaned about not having one

My DH is a scout leader. The same parents bitching and moaning about the school are the same parents bitching and moaning and refusing to take their turn on the parent rota at scouts

Help, don't help, I don't care either way, but for gods sake, stop bloody moaning about it

Well none of that is actually very difficult to get find out allhailqueenmab

You donate whatever sum of money you can afford to/want to.

You make the cheque payable to whatever your PTA asks you to make fundraiser cheques payable to (or if you really don't know, ring or send a note to the school office or just leave the cheque blank with a covering note or make it payable to the school!).

You ask your child to hand it in at the office/give it to teacher or whatever the approved method of message handing in is at your school.

Sorry

Help, don't help, I don't care either way, but for gods sake, stop bloody moaning about it

Sorry, that bit was directed at the moaners and constant crisis ears at my children's school

"I've also had a load of verbal abuse off parents for having a reserved seat when my own child wasn't in said play."

Although obviously verbally abusing you isn't right, I think it's fair enough for them to be cross about that actually. As a governor, if I decided to attend a play my child wasn't in, I wouldn't dream of taking up a good seat which could be occupied by the parent of a child actually in the play. I'd stand at the back out of the way and allow those parents with children participating to benefit from sitting near the stage.

Allhwilqueenmab- yes I can see how those problems could be practically insurmountable. However, as I have been variously involved in PTAs for 13 years, I have been let into various secrets, which I am happy to share with you if you promise not to tell anyone.

1.Make the cheque out for whatever figure seems reasonable to you. £50 looks about right.
2.Make it out to [ X ]School PTA
3.Put it in an envelope with an explanatory note.
4.Address the envelope to the PTA Treasurer.
5 Give it to your child to give to her teacher, who will put it in the right pigeonhole.

There you go. 5 minutes of your super-valuable time.

but I bet you don't

Another parent-governor here. Who also works FT and is the main bread-winner. And I get no preferential treatment at school events - unless you count being begged by the HT/other member of staff to help out with the tickets/teas/something else as they know I'll say yes.

It really pisses me off when people mutter about 'Governors' children getting the best parts in the play' or whatever. Recently, one of my DCs has been on 3 separate school sports teams. Because that child put their name down, turned up for practice (often giving up lunchtimes) and did well, they were picked for all 3 teams. But I'm sure that some people think it's because their mother is a governor

My friend who is a governor was recently asked how much she got paid for it....

And the rather write a cheque brigade make mr snigger. They never do actually write a cheque and also miss the point about kids loving the events - it's not all about the money.

I'm not reading 6 pages of threads, but it is possible to help without being on the pTA and that should include the full time working parents too. Your children benefit from all the hard work of others who juggle part time jobs, complex families etc.

How do you know they don't write a cheque KERALA maybe they don't need to preen and make it all about them unlike the bloody PTA martyrs
I gave a cheque every term - didn't mention it ever .

1.Make the cheque out for whatever figure seems reasonable to you. £50 looks about right.

for a year, or what?

2.Make it out to [ X ]School PTA

Really? Will the bank account definitely be called that and won't it be a headache for someone if not? There are about 7 words in my child's school's official name but it is always called by 2. How do I know what the bank account is called?

3.Put it in an envelope with an explanatory note.

ok even I can manage that

4.Address the envelope to the PTA Treasurer.

I don't know who that is, how to find out, or the name of anyone who may know, when or where they meet, or anything like that because nothing is communicated on that in writing or email- you have to hang around the school to find out these secrets. I am not even sure we have a PTA, I have never heard of it. But we do have events, to which we contribute what we are told that does not involve hanging around in the middle of the day at school

5 Give it to your child to give to her teacher, who will put it in the right pigeonhole.

ok

If PTA helpers don't appreciate comments about them then they also need to keep quiet themselves. It's a choice and whilst any money generated goes to the school, without the parents supporting events set up by the PTA - and without the PTA setting them up in the first place, none of it would happen.

Everybody should keep schtumm and just get on or not get on with it as they wish, in a very zen-like manner...

Life is too short for all that rubbish. Take the DC's to school and pick them up at the end of the day. Attend school fetes, Christmas plays etc (if you actually WANT to go - not because you feel you should), and draw a line at that.

You're not even involved in school life (yet!) and you've got the 'queen bees' sniping at you.

Run, far ,far away!

If everyone followed your advice maninawoman's world then there wouldn't BE any school fetes. Which seems a shame.

I really don't appreciate digs about "my valuable time". It really is, actually. Not because I am like really important or anything but because it takes up practically all my time to do the things my family actually rely on like

• earn a living (12 hours a day)
• basic laundry and house / garden stuff
• presents, social stuff, things like that, nice things that give my dcs a nice time and integrate them with world, friends, family (that sounds poncey but all kids deserve a social life and mine are too little to manage one on their own)
• other activities with the dcs that are good and enjoyable for them (basic reading practice, occasional swimming, church, music group that sort of thing)

Basically, without, as I said, being deluded that I am really important - and despite having a really helpful and flexible childminder - I just can't find time to do things I don't have to do.

Things included in the list of things I don't do because I don't have to:

Shopping for clothes for me
taking part in my own hobbies
Any house stuff - decorating etc - that is not utterly basic
changing my own bloody sheets (often enough)
seeing my friends
Supporting / volunteering for any charities or political organisations that are important to me
Music
Interesting cooking or shopping for interesting food

These are all things I would like to do and I'm afraid the implication that I am up myself because my time is more valuable than to be spent dicking around trying to find members of some secret society and finding out exactly how high they would like me to jump - before I even do the bloody jumping - is incredibly annoying.

I know I am not super woman and I bet a million of you who are, are now going to jump on here and say "I do all that, and volunteer for medicins sans frontiers and run the PTA and and and and -" well bully for you, well done, but I just can't do any more and I really don't like the snippy tone from some on this thread.

Yep- whatever the school is known as will do. Or its official name. The bank account will cope.

Just write "PTA treasurer" on the envelope. Or "PTA Chair". They will know who they are. If you don't want the arduous task of looking on the school website -the names are probably there.

I only made the valuable time dig because you could have dashed off a cheque to the PTA and not had to think about it til next year in the time it took you to writ a post about how difficult that would be to do,

You sound pretty snippy for someone who doesn't actually know if there's even a PTA to not join, queenmab.

Most PTAs are charities so a quick search on the Charity Commission website will give you the official name very quickly.

OP - are you sure they were talking loudly and pointedly near you? It's quite possible they were just having a moan (because school fundraising and helping can feel relentless sometimes) and you happened to be nearby.

So you are being made to jump through hoops by an organisation you don't know whether exists or not?

Are you sure you're not talking about Opus Dei? Or the Bundaberg Group?

No, none of this is on the school website. Nothing of any use is, really, not even dropping off and picking up times! I have been over that site a thousand times trying to find things out. I know it backwards.

No, Hakluyt, the organisation that may or not exist is not making me do anything. If you read my post properly, what I am objecting to is the implication on here - perhaps by posters like you - that I should be scurrying about fact finding and in the service of this organisation - that people like me who geniunely do not have the means to do so are automatically lax and selfish

my children's (private) school has formalised the "pay or participate" system. Every family has to volunteer for 10 hours per school year, or pay 5 pounds per hour missed. Making cakes is one hour, for example. Helping lunch supervision is one hour. Meeting and Greeting at open evening "pays" double hours, as everyone hates it. But if you send in 50 pounds then you don't have to volunteer all year. I prefer to do that, as it irritates me to to have to get someone at school to "sign off" the hours I have volunteered. (I still send it cakes though)

£50 sounds like a bargain to me!

I can see that there would be problems - if you are struggling financially, are a carer, having cancer treatment etc then you might not have the money or the time.

I think it should be voluntary especially if you are forking out for school fees!

I think that formalising a 'pay or participate' system is rather sad and actually undermines the ethos of a PTA and a school community. I think there are parents who are happy to participate, but would actually stop if they were told that their willing participation was only actual 'worth' £5 an hour in cold, hard cash to the school. Less than the minimum wage!

And if each family only paid £50 a year we would only make a quarter of what we made last year - and the children wouldn't get to enjoy fetes, discos, film shows etc. And though it may surprise you, some of the parents enjoy PTA events too!