WIBU to not hold the baby?

[trufflesnout]

I don't think I was BU, but since I made a new mother look wounded today, I'm wondering if I was unreasonable or if she was being precious it was definitely her.

I was visiting a relative who has just happened to give birth recently. I'm not maternal at all and don't particularly enjoy being around small children (apart from my own daughter, who is perfect, obviously) but I don't tend to announce it to people since whenever I have I've been viewed as odd at best.

Even though the visit wasn't all about the baby, I paid the small pink loud thing a compliment or two for the mother's sake, as I thought it would be polite to do so since it had pretty much just emerged from her body. I think I must have shot myself in the foot with the two counts of prompted, generic praise, as at one point in the visit she asked if I would like to hold the baby.

I said politely and with a smile, "oh, no thank you".

She looked at me like I had just caved its face in with a toothpick. The conversation moved in and she didn't offer again thank God.

Was I horrendously rude in declining the offer to hold her baby?

I'm not that into other people's babies either, but so as not to be rude I would hold one if asked, whilst trying not to look too much like I'd just been offered a shit on a plate. It's one of those quaint old customs called, hang on, let me think... oh yeah! Manners.

Nah, don't see it. The mother asked if the visitor would like to hold the baby. The answer, given with a thank you and a smile, was no, she wouldn't. Like would you like another cup of tea, no I'm fine thanks. The obligation on the host is to offer, the obligation on the guest is to decline politely. The jury is out on whether she was diplomatic enough with the refusal, but I really can't see that "would you like..." "oh, no thank you" is offensive as such.

I was quite an irrational mess after having DS1 ("No!" I hear you exclaim), but I think I was probably still sufficiently grounded on Planet Earth not to take it personally if someone wasn't the baby holding type. It was actually a triumph of manners over instinct to even offer; I'd have been quite relieved when they declined. Far too many people wanted to get their germy hands on my PFB as it was, and I wasn't even allowed to bite them

I'd say it's fine not to want to hold the baby. An excuse (not honesty) might smooth things over though

I have to say I'm finding it a bit unusual how negative you feel about babies, given that you had one. I know they aren't the same, but I suppose I'd expect you to have some fuzzy feelings - or did you really not enjoy your own child's babyhood at all? (some people don't, obis.)

Annie

I'd agree with you, if the OP weren't quite so gleeful in her pisstaking of babies on here.

"It was actually a triumph of manners over instinct to even offer; I'd have been quite relieved when they declined. Far too many people wanted to get their germy hands on my PFB as it was, and I wasn't even allowed to bite them"

Yes, true that. I didn't ask anyone if they wanted to hold either of my two either, just because I know how reluctant I always am! But some parents just don't get that, and I always think if they're the sort of people to offer, they're the sort who'd be hurt by even a polite no thanks.

Findo

yy

I always decline too, so what !!
Its not obligatory to enjoy cuddling other peoples babies !!!!

YANBU to decline holding the baby. YANU to be so horrible about it. Grow up.

aw maybe Im the only one but I like your humour :)

(and I produced my own small pink loud thing recently and he's the utterly adored by us both)

Well, I like holding babies (although I won't insist on it, or seek it out) and particularly my son (when he was a baby), but I did call him a parasite when I was pregnant and thought he looked like ET when he was born.

Pink thing doesn't shock me at all.

I actually think it's weird when mothers are too keen for people to hold their babies. Just as much as mothers who hate that other people hold their babies.
It would never occur to me to ask anyone to hold my virtually newborn baby. Germs and all that.

When I meet parents with new babies my main feeling is of relief that I will never have one again! I love my children, but didn't enjoy the baby times at all (have enjoyed every stage since right up to now when they are teens) and just don't feel that 'ahh isn't s\he tiny and cuddly' feeling. When I look back at pictures of my two I mostly think how odd they looked (froggy lopsided ds and yellow squinty dd) and marvel at how big they have grown and how lovely they are now. I might feel more gooey with grandchildren perhaps, but I've not with any baby relatives so far. On the other hand maybe I'd be more inclined to be help out the parents than visitors who are focused on the baby worshiping side.

My baby memories are more about long sleepless nights and endless days wondering why they were crying and when they would stop! I am however very happy that there are other people who think babies are wonderful.

Yabu to be so vile about a newborn (your description here).

I am really surprised you have a child yourself when you hate children that much i hope your dd never realises how you feel

I think it's fine to feel squeamish about a newborn,they are delicate and precious, you can easily pass on an infection or upset them. It's probably a maternal protective instinct to NOT touch other peoples babies.

But other than that I'm with Fluffy about your attitude, it's the kind of thing a teenage boy might say, not a parent. It's not funny or appropriate and minimises the vulnerability of a child.

Ah, a comparison to a boy. Did you not see the conversation that was gearing up about 2 pages ago about how we would never find men 'vile' for not wanting to hold a baby? If I don't like cuddling babies then I am comparable to a teenage male?

fluffy we have also started to move away from what a shit parent I am so I'm guessing you haven't RTFT.

I don't hate children. I just don't have a strong maternal instinct and I didn't want to hold the baby (so I didn't)!

Read my post Truffle that's not what I said. It's the immature boyish language, not the lack of cuddling.

Already explained why I used the sort of language I did, unreal, RTFT.

I'm still waiting for the "WIBU for asking her to hold my baby?" thread to pop up.

OP I'm just dropping in to say I'd like to be your friend. They are indeed small pink things and new mothers can be ludicrous. You weren't rude and yanbu. I was so pleased when most of my nct class agreed they didn't really like other peoples children either, means I won't have to pretend when we all give birth!

Just ignore everyone else, I think your OP was really funny - and exactly what I would have done!

In many cultures, men hold babies a lot, just as much as women. In my husband's culture, it is normal for men to be physical with small children as well, pick them up, throw them about, tickle them. It can be quite disconcerting when you are used to the hands-off sniffy nosed 'I only like my own child' brigade here. It's so lovely to go places where they like babies and children in general, or rather people don't make a big deal if they don't like them and being welcoming is seen as more important than an expression of personal taste.

Said with care and the greatest respect... Could the reason behind your well let's not dress it up bitterness toward babies (because refusing to hold the baby could be seen as bitterness) be because your subconciosly want another child and you could be somewhat do I dare say envious.
I understand not every women coos over babies, but surely it's basic manners to play the part. Did anyone refuse to hold your D.D and if they did. How/did would you feel. Be honest. x

I await a flaming. x

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout That last post must be the strangest on the thread. Is it really impossible for You to understand that some People just do not like holding Babies?

That does not means they are envious or Jealous as they want more Babies