WIBU to not hold the baby?

[trufflesnout]

I don't think I was BU, but since I made a new mother look wounded today, I'm wondering if I was unreasonable or if she was being precious it was definitely her.

I was visiting a relative who has just happened to give birth recently. I'm not maternal at all and don't particularly enjoy being around small children (apart from my own daughter, who is perfect, obviously) but I don't tend to announce it to people since whenever I have I've been viewed as odd at best.

Even though the visit wasn't all about the baby, I paid the small pink loud thing a compliment or two for the mother's sake, as I thought it would be polite to do so since it had pretty much just emerged from her body. I think I must have shot myself in the foot with the two counts of prompted, generic praise, as at one point in the visit she asked if I would like to hold the baby.

I said politely and with a smile, "oh, no thank you".

She looked at me like I had just caved its face in with a toothpick. The conversation moved in and she didn't offer again thank God.

Was I horrendously rude in declining the offer to hold her baby?

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout try to pass me a Baby I will give you a face I just don't like holding them. I do not find them adorable, cute or cuddly.

Now try to pass me a Kitten and You will get a face as they are adorable, cute and cuddly and I would struggle to give it back

I'm not a baby holder....infact even when my own dd was born I much prefered admiring her through the fish bowl cradle at side of bed....Observing the other new mums with baby glued to them constantly I thought ....hey I'm odd one out.

More than happy with that though.

Children are like farts ,you can just about tolerate your own.

Lifesaving get a grip.
Nobody hates babies.. but some people choose not to want to hold them, especially when they're at the newborn 'fragile' stage.

cindydog

CatsCant I am with you there! I am another that finds kittens totally adorable, I just don't feel the same about human babies.

I'd take this over someone else's wriggly baby any day

Specially fuzzy black ones

That's fuzzy black kittens, I hasten to add

My comment re 'what or who hurt you to make you feel like this ' was a tongue in cheek throw away line to take the sting out of a criticism.

I can see it wasn't obvious or funny as I thought it was.

OTheHuge Now those ARE cute! I would demand be delighted to have a cuddle any time!

I'm not keen on babies - never really understood the coo-ing thing that grown people do over the small grub-like creatures. They are a bit like cats. I really hate other people's cats but have always loved my own.

My own baby looked like a little bat and, although I've always loved her to bits, the further I get out of her babyhood stage, the more I realise I really dislike the small baby bit of having children. Now she's like a proper person, they're not really people when they're very small.

I love babies but I try my best to avoid holding babies of a certain age (super young babies are wonderful, I could hold them all day) but once they get old enough to start putting their hands in their mouths (and then grabbing my hair with same hands now covered in spit) I'm out! However, you can always muster a polite excuse for avoiding it, no need to hurt the mum's feelings.

Good grief op, I bet you're so relieved that you've eventually got a diagnosis. Now if you can just find a therapist who specialises in socially awkward, narcissists with attachment disorder who've suffered past trauma I'm sure you'll be cured and snatching newborns away from their mothers immediately.

PiperRose

I don't get the 'just happened to give birth recently' and 'visit wasn't all about the baby' thing. Had there been another big event that was your real reason for visiting? In which case I can understand the whole nah, I've rather not hold the baby, but ooooh, love your new house (for example). Although am struggling to think of a big life event that, from the mums perspective, could be more important than the baby.

Otherwise, if you were visiting at that time coz it was convenient for YOU (happened to be in the area coz visiting other family) and your attitude was hey, I'm being a good relative by visiting, don't push it by foisting the newborn on me, then you're BU. She would have assumed you were visiting re baby, and surprised when you only made a few comments and didn't want to hold.

Actually I admire the OP for having made some suitable comments.

I can never seem to do that, I kind of know it is going to come out sounding really false so I don't really end up saying anything

"She didn't say "Congratulations on your wrinkly beetroot" for crying out loud."

I'm totally going to say this when the next person I know has a baby. I will report back.

Pomeral I think, when it is family, people do sometimes feel they have to visit a new mum because it is their family "duty" and the woman who has just given birth naturally wants everyone to come and visit once the baby is born and is offended if they take no interest. This is how situations like the OP happen.

I think it is just one of those things - of course the new mum wants to show off her baby, and the relatives are expected to coo over it, but it is very difficult to pretend any level of interest without sounding completely insincere.

A relative of mine brought her baby round to meet my family - cue awkward afternoon where nobody knew quite what to say as they didn't really want to hold the baby.

candycoated Do it!

Yes, you were rude

Abbey true, but in that case the visit would still be about the baby! wouldn't it? I could understand 'I visited out of duty, not that interested, felt a bit awkward' but saying 'it wasn't all about the baby'.... dunno, feel like we're not getting a complete picture? So that makes it hard to tell who was being unreasonable.

But if it was out of duty, pop round and say you're on your way somewhere, coo appropriately then leave...surely? Was the OP really expecting a 'normal' visit when he relative has just had a baby? That comes across as a selfish tbh

Totally with you OP. I'm 19 weeks with DD2, and have no interest at all in holding anyone else's 'small pink loud thing' . I only ever remember that maybe I'm supposed to want to when I see DH having a cuddle with a soppy grin on his face - he's the baby person in the family - I'm strictly a toddler kinda girl. I can't even remember how you're supposed to hold them (DD1 is 5), although I'm sure it'll come back to me!

Kittens, on the other hand...

No candycoated , don't - you won't be able to report back when you have been torn limb from limb by the beetroot baby's loving female relatives. (Not the males - most males of my acquaintance are quite likely to say "Now you mention it, he/she does look quite like a beetroot". Being male, however, they will eventually be forgiven after a week or so of hell.)

ps EEEE! Kittens!!!

For all we know it could have been the relative's birthday, OP might have been dropping round to return something they'd had of the relative's which the latter had asked for back, the OP needed a signature from the relative on a legal document...there's three reasons off the top of my head why there might have been a main purpose for the visit other than cooing over the baby.