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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to not hold the baby?

392 replies

trufflesnout · 08/06/2014 20:43

I don't think I was BU, but since I made a new mother look wounded today, I'm wondering if I was unreasonable or if she was being precious it was definitely her.

I was visiting a relative who has just happened to give birth recently. I'm not maternal at all and don't particularly enjoy being around small children (apart from my own daughter, who is perfect, obviously) but I don't tend to announce it to people since whenever I have I've been viewed as odd at best.

Even though the visit wasn't all about the baby, I paid the small pink loud thing a compliment or two for the mother's sake, as I thought it would be polite to do so since it had pretty much just emerged from her body. I think I must have shot myself in the foot with the two counts of prompted, generic praise, as at one point in the visit she asked if I would like to hold the baby.

I said politely and with a smile, "oh, no thank you".

She looked at me like I had just caved its face in with a toothpick. The conversation moved in and she didn't offer again thank God.

Was I horrendously rude in declining the offer to hold her baby?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
14
LithaR · 10/06/2014 13:50

If you don't like babies op, why step foot in a maternity ward. Seems stupid when most hospitals have cafes in them.

Personally the only baby I wanted to hold was mine. So if a relative had a baby I'd visit them away from places with other babies. And ideally when the baby is sleeping.

trufflesnout · 10/06/2014 13:51

Is mank better than discusting?

Waits for obligatory angry MN post about origin of word mank and why I am a big cunt for using it

OP posts:
trufflesnout · 10/06/2014 13:52

If you don't like babies op, why step foot in a maternity ward. Seems stupid when most hospitals have cafes in them.

WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THIS!? I visited the mother and child at THEIR HOME. I didn't go near a hospital. No maternity ward! Comprendes mi amigo?

OP posts:
Lweji · 10/06/2014 13:53

RTFOP comes to mind...

SelectAUserName · 10/06/2014 13:58

This thread is so surreal it should be nominated for some avantgarde comedy award...

AbbeyBartlet · 10/06/2014 13:58

Grin at "prompted, generic praise" - you obviously did sound too sincere, OP. Next time you need to use the "UGH that's disCUSTING" phrase straightaway, saves any misunderstanding!

LithaR · 10/06/2014 13:58

In the op you said recently had a baby, logically I assumed she was in hospital.

In her home it does seem more rude. Surely you knew she was pregnant when you arranged the visit, so should have prepared for a possible baby.

Its not exactly rocket science. Also not to be pedantic but the word is spelt disgusting, not dicusting.

trufflesnout · 10/06/2014 13:59
OP posts:
trufflesnout · 10/06/2014 13:59

at Litha

OP posts:
gnushoes · 10/06/2014 13:59

Jeez. OP didn't want to hold the baby, and was quite entertaining about it. 11 pages? Much clutching of pearls, psycho-analysis and horror at her not being very polite about the infant? Gosh.

coffeeinbed · 10/06/2014 14:00

This is getting even better....

I'm discusted.
Grin

SelectAUserName · 10/06/2014 14:00

Are you clear now, OP? It's:

"UGH, that's disCUSTING! Get thy wrinkly beetroot beast away from me, whore of Satan!"

Just so there's no misunderstanding in future.

SelectAUserName · 10/06/2014 14:01

Litha, are you the OP's mother?

AbbeyBartlet · 10/06/2014 14:02

Well done gnushoes for summing up the entire thread in one succinct statement!

This is why I joined MN - it can be a bit like a parallel universe sometimes!

truffle I want to nominate you for something now - this thread has been the most entertaining thing I have read in ages and has stopped me getting on with my work for the best part of two days

AbbeyBartlet · 10/06/2014 14:03

Select Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

trufflesnout · 10/06/2014 14:03

I've lost all sense of normality. I'm going insane. I never want to see another baby again. Litha tipped me over the edge. I could take the psychoanalysis and the parenting critique and the fretting about my daughter's livelihood but this. YOU PUSHED ME TOO FAR. ALL OF YOU. THIS IS DISCUSTING

ugh it's discusting
ugh it's discusting
ugh it's discusting

OP posts:
trufflesnout · 10/06/2014 14:03

Litha, are you the OP's mother?

I have tears. This post. Winning post. Of all time.

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 10/06/2014 14:04

"Excuse me? The 'problem'? So those of us who don't enjoy holding babies have a problem? Good to know..."

I don't like holding babies either, although I do so i don't upset friends.

The point is I feel uncomfortable holding a baby but that's my issue, i don't think their baby is awful or anything, it's just "me".

I didn't mean problem in the way you are inferring.

voiceofgodot · 10/06/2014 14:05

If you're not maternal and have next to no maternal instinct, why did you have a child of your own? Hopefully you keep the fact that you're not maternal out of earshot of your own child...

I don't think it's 'maternal instinct' that makes some people want to hold a baby; I'm hoping you're not deficient in your feelings towards your own progeny but rather just not that interested in other people's. I am fiercely maternal towards my own DC but not that bothered about other people's. I also don't do much in the way of public cooing.

I read your OP and thought well whatevs - it smacks ever so slightly of thinking you're somehow cool and clever for Not Being Like Other Women and being a dribbling mess whenever a baby is produced for public cooing purposes. I didn't give it a moment's thought whether anybody wanted or didn't want to hold my babies, it never crossed my mind to be offended!

AbbeyBartlet · 10/06/2014 14:05

There needs to be a better icon than Grin to express the level of strange, hysterical giggling that I am doing after the OP's two latest posts.....

HeadfirstForHalos · 10/06/2014 14:06

I mean it as in, I have a problem with doing that, not that I have a "problem".

CatsCantTwerk · 10/06/2014 14:06

LithaR U R rarver hileryus Grin

trufflesnout · 10/06/2014 14:06

this thread has been the most entertaining thing I have read in ages and has stopped me getting on with my work for the best part of two days

Abbey you are so fucking welcome

OP posts:
HeadfirstForHalos · 10/06/2014 14:06

And now I've said/typed the word problem too many times and it's done that thing where the word now look and sounds weird Grin

trufflesnout · 10/06/2014 14:07

If you're not maternal and have next to no maternal instinct, why did you have a child of your own?

I slipped and fell and landed awkwardly.

OP posts:
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